DH is 73, clinically diagnosed with Alzheimer's two years ago. He had a severe clinical depression in 1994 for about two years, never really recovered from that, and it seemed to kind of morph into the present situation. In retrospect, the disease process has been going on for more like 4-5 years. I have read every book under the sun. Local resources, to date, have been quite fruitless. What I need is a live flesh and blood person who has walked this walk before me, and tell me when I am getting outrageous in my bad behavior and huge lack of patience. DH also has REM behavior disorder (acting out dreams) but that has been going on since he was about 40. He started receiving treatment for it in 2005 with Klonopin. He was diving out of bed, choking me, knocking lamps off tables (dreamed he was reaching to catch a fly ball during baseball season).
Can anyone help guide me to the right discussions/helps? I am still doing medical transcription out of my home about 2 hours a day and like the extra money. I am a high energy person of 75, but this insidious disease is finally taking its emotional and spiritual toll on me. It is so hard to see the person you promised to love and cherish, with their personality fading away before your very eyes. My orignal DH is gone somewhere -- only his ghost seems to be left.
Welcome, spellchick, I am still relatively new at this as well, being my dh was diagnosed about 18 months ago with mci progressing to alz. and carrying apoe4 gene. I am 58 and dh is soon to be 73. I encourage you to read all of Joan's blogs,so much good info there and do searches on this message board for subjects pertaining to things you are currently dealing with. These friends will advise you, comfort you, laugh with you and cry with you.....we are all on the same journey,just at different places. So stay tuned and soon others will be on board to welcome and lend a helping hand. Glad you found us, sorry that you need to be here.
Welcome! I'm 75 too and just had to place my 86 year old husband after years of suffering on both our parts. Go to Search up at the top of the page and look up anything almost and you will find good advice. Most of us finally felt like we'd landed on a big feather pillow we could relax in when we came here. No criticism, only help sand concern and most of all people who DO UNDERSTAND!
Hi & Welcome Spellchick! I am so sorry for your need to join our family, however, I am so glad you did. There is a world of experience on this board, please feel free to ask any question...we do not judge. If you go to the top of the page, click on search & type example: incontinence, it will bring post regarding that information. Again, welcome
Welcome...Don't know if you have read this book and/or gone to the web site of BIG TREE MURPHY...for me this has been the most helpful in understanding this journey. Every person is different but to me the knowledge of what to expect has been very comforting. Joan has references of this book and others that you might want to check out.
Glad to see you've joined us, although we wish you didn't have to. There probably is someone on this board who has had similar experiences as you so I am sure they will jump in and offer some advise. But if you just need to vent feel free to do so. Sometimes that's the best part of our day.
Welcome to my website. You have come to a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
You asked where to start. The message boards are only part of this website. Log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. At the very top of the page, it says "Welcome", and in that paragraph, there is a link that says "Click here" for for an introduction, information, and help on learning about, and coping with, Alzheimer's Disease". Then look on the left side - and look at all of the resources offered. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Do not miss the "previous blog" section that is at the top of the left side. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Everyone else has explained about the "search" feature at the top of the message boards.
There is nothing you can ask or tell us that someone has not experienced or been thinking about. We are here to understand and help.
Welcome Spellchick. This is a wonderful website with caring members who are on the same journey - some of us are farther along than others. You will probably find that with all the resources available, you will come often to this site because we are all spouses/partners of someone with AD or dementia.
"What I need is a live flesh and blood person who has walked this walk before me", Well Spellchick-you have come to the right place. Everyone of us is walking the walk and can understand what you are going through. Welcome to the family.
A big welcome to you, Spellchick. Sorry you have to be here but we are all in the leaky boat and will understand, give advice and we do not judge. Keep posting.
Welcome aboard Spellchick. We're all on the same journey and are ready to help you as we all help each other on Joan's Alzheimer's Spouse board. Keep talking when you have a question or need because it helps.
Glad you have decided to join us. There isn't anything we haven't seen or heard. Try to store some of your energy on a shelf because you will need it. This disease comes like a thief in the night. Just when you think you can breathe, there's something to suck the life out of you. Hopefully we can all keep you sane.
When I was a child, I don't remember any old aunts, uncles or grandparents being afflicted with this disease. My family all lived into their 80's and 90's and I am 79 so I am talking way back when. I am convinced AD is caused by something other than people living longer. We are eating stuff with ingredients we can't pronounce, inoculated against flus that come from God knows where. I am waiting for the day they tell us to stop drinking water.
I too would like to welcome you to the family Spellchick. As the others have said, we are here to help in any way we can. Support is important, surrounding yourself with people who DO understand, is vital. Express yourself, share when you can, it helps a great deal ♥
Welcome to the family. Having patience is hard for me but forgive yourself, straighten up that halo you are wearing and try to be more understanding. Forget the word quilt, you like us are doing the best you can and that is "good enough"
welcome Spellchick. lots of caring, smart, courageous caregivers here to offer compassionate handholding which will help see you thru the most difficult journey of your life. divvi
Wow! You guys are really something and such encouragement. I have been reading practically nonstop -- and so many things I thought were just dumb "Larry" things are this disease instead. Poor guy, no wonder he spends most of his time in bed. He does not know what has happened to his brain or how to figure things out, so he probably feels it is better to just try to sleep and hope it all goes away. Would that it were that simple. From all the reading, etc., it seems that DH is in stage 5. At last visit to neurologist, he did not do the mini-mental status exam as well as before, and regretfully the doctor commented on that. Because he is an engineer, not getting the serial sevens right really bothered him. Such a dreadful disease. As Shirley mentioned, I do not recall any aunts, uncles or grandparents with these kinds of mental problems "back in the day." It has to be something in our food, environment, whatever. Yes, next it will probably be a ban on water next!
I am a very open person -- too open, it seems. When this was first diagnosed I would mention it to someone; from then on they seemed to keep their distance. Now I wish I had said nothing. It is as if it were leprosy and they were afraid it was contagious. People say "Oh, my Grandma had that" or whatever, but never anyone that close. Have any of you encountered this attitude?
Welcome to the best support group on earth. Rant, rave, cry, ask for hugs or advice....someone is here for every facet of the "big adventure". humor often included.
Spellchick, I have had the very same problem. So many people are at arms reach now. Don't let it get to you. I have found there is not a good way to deal with this. We all have to find our own way. What works for some does not for others. And I too told everyone and still do. It is our life and what we have to deal with everyday. Sorry you are here, just know you are not alone and this is the best group you will ever find. They are my lifeline.
I don't have to go far to find someone with the attitude you describe. My own daughter keeps saying it is "old age". She refuses to believe it is anything serious. I just don't say too much to her anymore. She took dh on a walk last night, 1/4 mile and he was exhausted when they returned. My son "gets it" but he was transferred from here in Michigan to Kansas City last year. He tells me that for all practical purposes I have no children and I almost believe him. 2 other kids live in other states. My husband also is a retired engineer. He thought in mathematical formulas. Now he can't write a check, reason, rathionalize or basically live a normal life. Some days I just cry when I see a formerly Mensa applicant struggling to speak coherently. He was one of the most altruistic persons I had ever met. Now when he gets on a paranoia kick, he accuses me of stealing his money, his tools or whatever he holds dear at the moment.
Some days are pretty good. I try to convince myself that it isn't AD but by evening I know I am deluding myself. Especially when dh asks me where I will be sleeping.
Don't be afraid to talk about anything. There is no right or wrong way to live through this. Most of the time we just have to follow our gut. We haven't been prepared for this so we all stumble from time to time. We are here to pick you up when it happens to you.
Welcome spellchick,,,,, you have already made the first step by coming to this site. This site is awsome with the most loving, caring, people I have ever met. When you think of family it will be really easy to think of the cyber family you have acquired here as your Real family before long. You will feel love, understanding, compassion and hope here. Even tho we are all connected by the horrible disease our loved one has we are all a force to be reconned with. We are mighty and fierce, we stand beside each other and this site gives us the strength to make it thru each day. Welcome,,,, we need your input and strength here.....
Welcome spellchick, I am new here also. I read read read also and don't always post but it really helps knowing there are many other people sharing this life.
Wecome to a fellow Michigander sorry you have to be here but this place is better than family an more understanding,I can verify the kids don't wanna believe or know thing wife has four boys an three want nothing to do with it,believe me this site is a god send for everyone dealing with this horrible disease so pull up an chair an get comfy if ya can find the time,its gonna be a long journey
Spellchick, that best place to start is right here! Welcome to the best support family you could ever have. I hope that you care able to learn a lot and be supported a lot for a long time to come.