After filling out all of the paperwork over and over again, we are finally having a home evaluation. The last one was in August 2010. I set the whole thing up.......dressing my husband and serving tea! This time I am scared to death. I would have liked a little more notice about tomorrow morning, but maybe it is better that I don't have time to clean!
Any suggestions???? My husband is so good at putting on a show. Me? I'm a nervous wreck!
Ann, I personally believe the best thing you can do is not "prepare" at all. I didn't tell Lynn about the evaluation, or even that someone was coming. When the knock came at the door, we were living our "normal" life. And I think that is vital.
I wouldn't try to stage anything… for better or worse. Just do what your normally would. The hardest thing for me was NOT helping Lynn when I saw him struggle .... but if they are going to give a true evaluation of him, I couldn't help him. oy that was hard!! Best of luck! and I will be keeping you in my thoughts ♥
I agree about not trying to prepare. If you normally have problems during the day, like with dressing not being done correctly, let the person see those problems. It was really hard for me to let anybody see the problems, until I finally realized that that's why we were having the home evaluation! It was most difficult to not answer for my husband, but to let him struggle to answer for himself. It didn't take long for them to see what the problems were.
Now our care manager comes out every three months, but after she is here, DH and his aide leave for a little while so I don't have to talk in front of him. It's a lot easier to discuss things if I know DH isn't having to hear everything I say. And he gets an outing on those days, which is nice for him.
Thanks Nikki and Jan. As strange as it seems, I'm worried that my husband will be on top of things. I don't know how he does it, but somehow still puts on a show for people. If he thinks it is a test.....something will kick in and he does well. Because of the PCA variant and the lack of knowledge of how it presents itself, I have a feeling his gift of gab will fool the nurse. However, his test scores, his neurologist and I know different.
I don't know why I am so nervous, I just am. I just know that this is a make or break evaluation. How said it is that I don't want my husband to do well during this visit. Does that make sense? I only wish he was that well!
In our state it is required for the program, Choice For Care. During his last evaluation, he was able to put on a jacket a get a glass of water.......He hadn't been able to do that for 3 years. So, according to the nurse, he was just fine and didn't require any outside help. It all has to do with money.....The state doesn't want to pay for nursing home care, which is what he needs. We can't pay out of pocket, but are not eligible for medicaid.
My husband can't read, write or count.......but he sure can talk! Sure wish the medical society was a bit educated on this disease. Perhaps he'll serve her the dog's water this time.......After all, that's what he does for me!
Where does he get the dog's water!! You mean he scoops it from the bowl on the floor? I'm sorry...that did make me chuckle. It would be especially useful if she sees him retrieve water that way.
My husband could serve some of the ice cream he keeps in an upside down carton in the refrigerator.
I have never had a home evaluation but if and when we do I will do nothing for it. I wish someone would care enough to come see my dh. He would answer the door and that is all. He can't verbalize without my help and then only one word two at the most. Maybe they would even make sense to the topic. We would pass an evaluation in a minute.
I do understand why you are nervous, you are scared nothing will seem out of the ordinary. Maybe your dh can fool them for a few minutes but if they stay for a time I am sure he will not be able to keep up the pretense. We know our loved ones have uncanny ability when someone else is around for a few minutes but for the long haul of a few hours I bet not many could pull that off. I will be praying for you for a peaceful spirit and that you get the help that you really need, which we all here know what that is, and I will pray for your dh also. Hope things go good, Love in Christ,
the least you say do and interact with DH during the interview is best. let him do all the talking, no cleaning up and let him dress himself and get ready! no tea. just sit and observe answer what they ask y ou- we tend to want to treat them well like a real visitor. they need to see the reality of how you live day by day. divvi
If they came to my house they would see me in my jammies at 10 AM. I get up at 6 and tip toe out to the kitchen for some coffee and quiet time and feed the kitties..look at the paper and set out the meds..then I hear his foot prints about 90 minutes later..then it is get the meds going and make sure he does not do the switcheroo with the am and pm meds which he has done twice this week. I discovered he got up and got the other meds...I told him if he doesn't do what I say about this he will have to come visit me in jail, I'll get arrested for abuse..he said he would defend me! Then because he is diabetic even though he doesn't want to eat...I have to fix something so by the time I get time to make the bed and spruce me up the morning is half gone..and then it is lunch time!
As much as we want our homes to look nice when someone calls, this is not the time to worry about that...these evaluators need to see the real circumstances.
Ann--if he is normally a coffee/tea drinker in the a.m., I wouldn't give him any caffene. Maybe if he 's a little sluggish the nurse will get to see reality more clearly.
Another idea I had is to keep him up very late the night before, but I'm too late in responding for that. Again, the idea would be to make it more difficult for him to act "normal".
Wow! He's been accepted into the program and I am to find placement asap. Yes, I stilll have to do that part, but what in the world has changed so much since last August? No, I'm not complaining, he was just able to present himself better before.
Now I don't know what to think. I still haven't figured out the money end of it. But, apparently he qualifies. As much as I wanted them to see what I saw.....this is going to be tough.
Thanks for hanging in there with me..........More later....
Ann, I am so glad that after such a long fight, someone was finally able to help you!! You were strong, a warrior.....and that is good! Because yes my friend, you will need to muster all the stength you have, and then some, for this next step in your journey.
Placing Lynn was the hardest thing I have ever done...it still haunts me.....
But we must love our spouses enough to not only know when they need more care than we can provide...but to work our way through our pain to accept that we have done all we possibly can.... and to allow our loved ones to get the best care possible for them...It is HARD! I know......
Keep that in mind, you are placing him with love in your heart so he can get thes best quality care. It helps, a little.....
And laslty Ann, those of who have gone before you will be here to help you through this! <3
We are back on Hospice after an interium of four months. I am so looking forward to getting back on this program...hope the "team" is as wondrful as the last one. G wasn't really reevaluated per se...we had a guy from the Connections group that works with Hospice here last week. He just spoke with the admissions person and they aren't even sending another Doc out to check for recertification...said it was obvious he needs to be put back on Hospice. Hope this works as planned, but I have learned to be skeptical if things appear too easy. Tomorrow will tell. G also "steps up to the plate" when someone is here in a judging capacity...speaks clearly and with correct meaning..blows me away every time he does this! He just slept thru the visit from this last person.