I was bound and determined to keep L. at home till the end. Last Friday (Good Friday, today is Tuesday) I noticed that he was hollering when we touched his right leg. Now he hollers a lot. So there wasn't too much alarm but I tried to persuade Andrew the CNA not to walk him much. Andrew noted that he really wasn't putting much weight on his leg at all (A. walked behind him, the walker in front of him)
With great difficulty the nurse and social worker of the Hospice unit at our local VNA, which has had him as a client for nearly a year, arranged for me to get him placed for 5 days of respite care starting Monday (yesterday). So Andrew and I accompanied him to the nursing home near me to start his respite care. I had been to this NH when I had my knee replaced in November so I knew they were at least reasonably good. I knew they had a wheeled XRAY unit so I asked them to check L's hip and leg. Sure enough, his hip was fractured. Off he went to the hospital. I spent yesterday evening with him in the emergency room and then he was admitted and I went back this morning. The ortho guy had examined him and decided he should NOT have his hip operated on, that it was "stable" and that he'd be better off, and have less trauma, if he simply went into the nursing home and was cared for there.
Which is all well and good EXCEPT - WITHOUT SURGERY, this does not qualify as an "Event" and his care in the nursing home doesn't qualify as "rehab" so none of it will be covered by Medicare (I guess his hospitalization will be but not the nh) Meanwhile L. is pretty much out of it, though I did get him to eat some today. They've got him pretty sedated, which is fine. He hasn't had much interaction with me or anyone in weeks and weeks. So I have to scurry to get the Medicaid applications in asap after he's admitted to the NH.
You certainly fought the good fight, Briegull. Hope you can get the proper paperwork started quickly and that things work out. Glad they are keeping him comfortable thru this ordeal. Please, please don't forget to take care of YOU. Big hugs.
Briegull, yes you have had a long good fight keeping him at home as long as possible. i hope he adjusts quickly and you find some relief in his placement. hugs divvi
So sorry, Claire. Sometimes we have to have some thing to push us into taking action. I know the time has come that I need to admit DH to the NH but I haven't been able to accept that fact.
I spent the day with him at the hospital and gave counsel to the social worker, a nice man who is caring for a 90 year old father with dementia!! Tomorrow they'll send L. to the nursing home where I was when I had my knee replaced and had rehab last fall. I think he will be perfectly happy, which makes ME happy. He was awake today, and eating up a storm (even the quesadilla I'd brought up from the staff cafeteria for myself), and watching TV avidly and most of all being sweet and polite to the nurses (EXCEPT of course when he was being bathed and changed). He seems quite content at the hospital, and I'm sure he will be at the NH as well.
And so I am not anywhere as near stressed as I would have been in the past. I KNOW I could not care for him, even with Andrew's help, here at home. I would be SCARED to deal with that hip. And I can see that he's too far along to know where he is, really, as long as he's well fed!!! And too far along to ask to 'go home'.
As I told others, I'm allowing myself a bit more sherry and a bit more ben and jerries' than usual, and all will be well. NOW to get squared away on the Medicare requirements!!
Clare, I have so much admiration for the fight you have fought and continue to battle. Glad to hear the stress isn't so bad. You'll be in my thoughts too and hope you have some good times for yourself soon.
Sorry I missed your post Clare...goodness! It can all happen so fast can't it. *sigh. How is L's leg doing? I hope it isn't causing him too much pain.
I completely understand, I too wanted to keep Lynn at home with me until God called him Home. It was my plan all along. So much for plans! It is all such a whirlwind when it happens this fast. It sounds like L will adjust much better than most. This will make it "easier" on you.... but it will still be more difficult than you imagined. At least, that is how it was with me..... I am glad you are allowing extra sherry! ((Big hugs))
I would like to keep my DH at home as long as possible, but my kids have told me & I agree that when it gets too much for me there is a beautiful Veteran’s home 10 minutes away that he is eligible to go to.
He is now placed in a good nursing home, only about ten minutes away. He is more alert and even sat on the side of the bed for a bit. I had to give them my Visa card to pay for the first month:$9010. I am also initiating applying for Medicaid since there is no way we can afford that on a monthly basis. and a good bit of his savings have gone to his home care over the last few years.
I'm feeling surprisingly good about his being there, though glad that we stuck it out at home as long as possible. But it looks like money is going to be tight while he's alive.
Trying to be on the positive side, just think of the frequent flier miles you'll wrack up on that credit card... If it's one of those that give you a flight for every 25,000 miles. Just praying the Medicaid kicks in in a timely manner. When we had to have 24 hour nursing care, our bills were about $3,000 a week... I felt like I was being sucked down that tub drain like the "dream scenario" on a different thread. I see the similarities.
yes, of course I have the FF mile credit card, Nancy!! SOMEDAY, AFTER,..
Andrew's going over to see L. in the early evenings, which is okay by me; he even took the dog. I'm going to have him come tend the yard and do housework maybe once a week for a while; there are a few things he hasn't done that we had planned. But I've encouraged him to get a "real" job...
Andrew seems to be doing quite well. I am still reasonably certain he didn't take the silver. Another aide just before him had come a few times and then disappeared. Ah well! But Andy is now plugged in to AA and going to see L. Before evening meetings.
I'm at the nursing home sitting with l. In a big TV watching room. He's in a Geri chair and they got him there with a Hoyer lift. They are convinced that he hollers because he is in pain and are giving him Meds accordingly. Vicodin and something else for breakthrough pain. I have tried to say that he has hollered for years when he is touched,even when he's being shaved etc. But I don't think they believe me which is ok because they really pay attention when he makes noise and we had gotten so used to it that we probably were NOT sufficiently sensitive to real pain.
I - for one - can attest that Briegull's dear husband YELLS. I was on the telephone with her one evening as she was preparing his dinner, and he yelled because his TV show was over. How could she think for a minute he was in pain. The point here is that after years of caregiving, the nursing home staff has implied they know her DH better than she does. Many spouses say that they lost all credibility and status once a DH moves to a NH. The staff treates them as a casual visitor, but their advice and information is not heeded. It just doesn't seem fair.