Yes, I know, I'm shouting. I am just so tired of having to pretend that all is well and that dh is totally normal and still the man and still in total control of it all. He is a total pain in the ass, has no ability to even perceive the big picture anymore, yet he thinks he is still "the man". I am so sorry that I am fatigued with him and that I am finding it difficult to keep up the face today. He has hurt my feelings and I am as bothered with myself that I have allowed this as I am irritated with him. I would be so happy to be living alone and not have to live this lie anymore. On the other hand, I would miss him (I know, sick isn't it?)
mothert yes it is sick but as you say we play the game everyday. I so understand what you are saying and going thru. I wonder just how big heaven is cause there could not possible be enough rewards for all of us caregivers for all we have endured. I know Heaven will be a big reward but sure would be nice if there was a no ending supply of things like ice cold watermelon, and someone to wait on us hand and foot without a disease that will spoil it all. I had to laugh when I read this post. But I do understand. I read it to my dh who also laughed, not that he understood it all but the "pain in the ass" part, he understood cause he hears it sometimes. I hope things get better and I am praying for a relaxing evening for you. God Bless and have a great night.
I get it too...while my dh means everything and is such a sweet man and always wants to help, he just can't due to health issues apart from the AD. Just today, I wished he could do the things he thinks he can. We took our daughter out to dinner last night and I don't know if it was something I ate,or just what it was but I awoke at half midnight and had chills and was in and out of the loo all night..almost didn't get the daughter to the airport this morning. DH thought he could drive but when asked how to get there he just said you turn left here and then pointed in different directions..not a good sign. And there are the days I find I pretend things are normal and things are not. I was so tired the other day I forgot to give DH his morning meds..no real harm as he did get the night meds and he is fine but that was a scare too.. I hate it when I bark at DH but sometimes my fun meter just gets pegged.
mothert, I understand the need to shout!! Yesterday I had a major Pity Party and venting here helped me...a lot! As Charlotte said (above) "know you are not alone in your feelings." This place is great for the simple reason that the people here understand.
mothert, I understand perfectly. DH is going through a difficult time, complaining all the time. He insists he needs shots in his feet, hand and back and he has had these shots many times before. He insists that I should remember about them and take him to the place where he got them. He is very upset with me that I cannot help him with this. He never had these shots. Everyone says just tell him, yes, you did have the shots. If I do that he is angry that I won't take him. He tell me it is up the big hill and I have taken him before. He's been to one doctor and had arterial sonograms on his legs a week ago. I can't seem to get the report on that. Neurologist said he needs a psychiatrist. We have an appointment with on on May 23. I have an appointment with a back doctor on Friday for him. I feel like running screaming down the street.
mothert, I hear ya! I am not good at playing the game. Not good at all. I have a VERY difficult time getting the “evil look” one minute & then having him say he is sorry a few minutes later. He has a sore on his nose that he keeps picking at & yesterday it started bleeding a little. It kinda freaked him out & he showed our son (we were at our son’s house for Easter weekend & were getting ready to leave). Our son told him not to worry about it & then I cleaned it off. Now he is convinced that I made it bleed. So he keeps blaming me for that. And of course I am always stealing from him & I get sooooo tired of getting accused of that. Now I know what it must feel like to be a verbally abused spouse.
Yes, this is the best place to come when you need a Pity Party...I understand and can identify with all of you! Elaine, my husband also went through this stage where he was accusing me or our son of taking his things (it was because he couldn't remember where he had put them last, so it was easier to blame someone else). We had many shouting matches at this time in our AD journey. Now he is the calmest person, very cooperative, and most of the time happy...sometimes silly...but this I can tolerate! Guess we all play the game...even when the rules keep changing...and there's no winner!
wishing us all a better day.... I never get an apology, just more insults and degrading piled on top of all the rest... some days are good for crying,, most days... And DH has no idea why.... Tired too... Stop world, I want to get off...
Can someone tell me why a psychiatrist is helpful for a person with dementia? I'm inclined to think it wouldn't be much help because you wouldn't know if the A/D patient was telling things that actually happened and nor would they remember what they were told. Never having being to a psychiatrist I don't know how it would work!
Psychiatric therapy, psychological therapy, and marriage counseling are absolutely USELESS for a dementia patient. Since their reasoning and judgement is pretty much gone, there is no way they could apply any of the strategies. They also can't remember anything that was said in therapy.
Psychiatrists are used for dementia patients to prescribe the anti-psychotic drugs. Our neurologist will only prescribe AD drugs, such as Namenda and Aricept. He leaves the anti-depressants and anti-psychotics to the psychiatrist down the hall from him. Many neurologists WILL prescribe the anti-depressants and anti-psychotics, but for those who won't, a psychiatrist is necessary.
Our neruo is also a shrink. I think it helps as he has insight into the mind not only of the dh, for example he was able to put things into a perspective about his personality in this disease in that it is highly unlikely that my DH would become violent or abusive but for sure he will be stubborn but me as well. He senses when I am anxious about something to do with DHs condition and goes out of his way to be reassuring and makes suggestions for things I need to consider way before the need is really in my face.. I get two docs for the price of one I guess! Because of our doc's training I think I have an advantage. However were he not also a neurologist I am not sure a shrink would be of much benefit.
Mimi--that is an interesting point I hadn't considered. My hb is also seen by a neuropsychiatrist. and I know that his speciality has been extremely helpful in prescribing the correct psychiatric medications to keep my husband manageable. Without his assistance, I know I wouldn't have been able to keep hb living at home this long. I also notice he is very attuned to my mental health and, as you say, goes out of his way to be supportive of me. "Two docs for the price of one" --good concept!
Mimi, their personalities can change in a heartbeat, and a man or a woman who never uttered a harsh word or a curse word can turn and attack without notice. Several of our spouses had to place their spouses because the normally quiet, "wouldn't hurt a fly" types attacked them! Some were able to be treated with meds, but others, even with meds, could never come home again.
Understand that there will be a time that they won't remember for five minutes what the doctors tell them, nor will they believe you if you repeat to them what the doctor said. This is the result of about 50 of the spouses here from past experiences.
If it brings YOU peace, then do it....but it won't help your spouse - just help you deal with him....and that is worth the money for you.
MarilynMD, you know that pharmacology is our friend! <grin>