Let me explain: My husband has 3 children - 2 daughters and 1 son. The girls have always been a central part of our life together (28 years), but not the son. The son is a recluse who lives up in the toolies of north eastern Washington state. He lived there with his mother until she passed about 1 year ago. He is still living on this property that is owned by his mother's husband who is never there because his work takes him elsewhere. This son suffers high anxiety when he leaves this propert and encounters the world as it is. He lives like a pioneer, no indoor plumbing, or heating (solar power), etc. Well, it's been nearly 20 years since any of us have seen him and since his mother's passing he has opened up dialogue with the rest of us. DH and his older daughter would liketo see him, but they will have to travel to see him - a 5-6 hour drive one way.
I would absolutely welcome a weekend ALONE if he were to travel with dd to see his son. However, the last time I left him (a few weeks ago) with the younger daughter here at our home, she told me how distressing that weekend was for her as her dad was, well, the dad he now is (you all get the picture). Now, I'm worried that he will get away and on a very long road to northers part of the state with dd #1 and she will also freak out and I won't be available to help.
I really need this time off, but I'm just not sure dh or dd can handle it. He might behave like a prince or he might not.
I think you should take this opportunity. No maters what happens on this trip, it will all be for the good. If nothing else, it will be an eye-opener. Let them go with your blessing.
I tend to agree but I would also warn DD1 of things she may well encounter and ways to manage things. When I am at home and the kids come to visit, I still clue them in on what he may or may not do so there are no surprises.. Then hold your breath and make sure he has his safe alert bracelet or dog tag etc, they might do better than you imagine. The other daughter may not have been as well equipped to manage things as this daughter might.
It is well worth considering how the girls would do should you become ill or get hurt and they would need to step in to help. The training would do them good.
Funny how this is kind of like leaving our little ones with a babysitter!
mothert--let them go. Take the respite. Give the daughter any tips you think might help. Have him wear or carry safety ID. Send along a picture of him, or have her get one with her phone.
I agree with the others--let him go. Make sure the daughter who already took care of him speaks to her sister to clue her in on what happened the last time. If your husband is on meds to calm him, perhaps you can give your daughter an extra dose or two to give him as a last resort, if things get hairy. You are fortunate to have children that are willing to help out--not all are. And enjoy your break!
My DH took a plane trip to Georgia a few weeks ago with his brother...to see their other brother. I made sure they had a list of things that they needed to watch for, when he was to take his pills, etc. I totally enjoyed the 4 days he was gone. Mothert, let your family take the burden for a few days and YOU enjoy your time.
Okay! You all talked me into it. I will send along extra anxiety meds, although he rarely needs them. He will take whatever he is told to take, so I will just add it to the meds and tell dd what it is and how to use it, if needed. I had't thought about the picture of him, that's a great idea. At least this daughter has children and understands about redirecting. She is so gentle with her dad and he loves her AND she can be firm when necessary. I will have our younger daughter tell her older sister what she enountered with dear dad and hope she will still go. I'm not counting my chickens just yet, but I am so looking forward to some peace and quiet in my own home. Ahhhhh, I can already smell the roses!! -:) Thank you all for the encouragement, I probably would have called this off without your input.
TT (my grandchildren call me TT and I rather like it, so you all may as well call me that, as well)