Last nigh my daughter called and asked me how I am. I explained I am very lonely. Its just so quiet in this house. She automatically said you sound depressed. I don't know if I should be truthful to questions or just say I'm ok. Of course it's a depressing situation, but all I did was answer truthfully. I don't know what I should say or not say. I think about the word "we". which is not in my vocabulary anymore, it's now just Me
Paula, now and then when someone asks how I am, I have to decide if they really want to know or are just asking to be polite. If it is your daughter, she is really interested, it is not a question in passing, she is concerned so to answer her truthfully is a good thing to do and perhaps a discussion can follow.But if I get the sense someone is just asking to make conversation but doesn't really care, I may ask a question back, " do you really want to know?" because my position is if you don't want a truthful answer don't ask. I won't beat about the bush with them I won't engage in meaningless chit chat about this.
If it is about DH I just say " about the same, some days are worse " and if is about me, I might just answer "one day at a time" if I really don't want to talk about it..gosh we live with this mess all the time but that doesn't mean we want to talk about it all the time..so that answer is used when I really don't even want to talk about it. I think we have to develop techniques that work for us.
I think we can tell when someone is really really interested in us..the body language tells it all..the expression on a face of one who is asking, and I think in time we can learn to distinguish between those who really are interested and those who aren't.
Comment Author Paula M Comment Time 2 hours ago edit delete
Hi Mimi
You are so right about who asks. My neighbor came up to me and asked How is your husband doing. I just got so tired of it that I said, he's not doing well he is going down hill and he will never get better. That poor neighbor, he was asking out of kindness and I bit his head off. I felt so bad. I think I'll use your suggestions from now on. It short and sweet. Thanks for your help
It does really depend on who is asking. For several weeks I had been thinking that I was depressed and needed to tell my dr. the next time I saw her. A friend of my husband called one day and he is the type of man that doesn't seem to observe things(little details) in other people especially women and so I picked up the phone and all I said was Hi and he immediately asked me if I was alright," you sound depressed." That's when I knew I couldn't hide it anymore and needed to do something about it.