Hello all New to this message board, and have a question for all who are experienced. How do you unwind? My husband has mild cognitive impairment, and who knows when Alzheimers will begin. I loose patience with him, yell at him, and then feel so guilty. Getting headaches, pains in my chest, and just so very stressed. There must be some practical things that I should be doing. Just read a post, and it could have been me writing it. Must admit he has a shorter fuse than before also, which is probably why we argue so much.
Judith, Does your DH have a neurologist? If so I suggest you speak to him and tell him what/how you husband is acting. No-one likes to put their LO on meds but for peace of mind and safety there is no other choice. I'm sorry you have to be here but glad you found us. You can post whtever you want and no one will judge you. Welcome.
Hi Judith, welcome to your new best friend. This support group will end up many time over being your life line. I have been here for almost two years and it is the best thing I have ever done. Don't feel bad about the yelling and anger and frustration. It is going to happen, what we want to do is learn how to deal with them because it will happen. Making yourself feel bad about the fact is not going to be good for you physically or mentally or emotionally. We have all been there done that and probably will be there again! The best advice I got here when I first joined is "HIS REASONING BUTTON IS BROKEN!!!" What that means is whatever you are arguing about with him you need to just give up trying to reason with someone who can't reason. Yes, we would like to have someone to communciate with and not have to struggle with everything that comes up but that is just the way it is. It is not going to get any better. Our LO's are changing, their personality as well as their body so we HAVE to change with them so that we can deal with it.(relatively deal with it) About the time you think you have adjusted things have changed again. There is nothing about this disease that is good but being here and reading Joan's blogs will help a lot. Know that we are here for you {{{{{{hug}}}}}}
Welcome to the group..you will get so much support and good advice here from the veterans who have been dealing with this disease and all the ups and downs. First, keep in mind his Reasoning Button no longer works.
Second, you cannot argue with someone who cannot process what you are trying to explain..it just won't work of if it does it will stick for a little time, not long usually, before you have to repeat it all again.
Remember, you are now in the Drivers Seat so there are things you need to do if you have not already taken action, one of the most important is to connect with an elder care attorney and get all your legal matters in order, that is POA and DPOA, start finding out what resources are within his benefits such as VA if he is a veteran for example.
If he has not been seen by a neurologist I would strongly suggest having an appt with one, get tested and find out just what is going on, get the physical etc, sleep study if necessary etc.
Then as time goes along other things will surface as the disease progresses and there are so many here that have been through all phases and have terrific solutions to problems.
Hi Judith: I know this is difficult, but I like to think....the worse my dh gets the bettet I get at caregiving. It is difficult at first to give up all the things like "reasoning, explaining, etc." after doing them for so many years, but you will learn and most of all you will need to learn to let go because you can't change what is in store for you and your spouse...you go with the flow. There will be good days and bad days and change will be a frequent vistor because tomorrow will probably be different then today.
Judith - I relieve stress by playing games on pogo and in Facebook. I live in a motorhome so do not have another room to escape to but I do escape into my games - games that challenge my mind like word games and skill games; in Facebook I have my farms that keep me busy.
I should go for a walk but he will always want to go so that does not help much.
Start looking into and arranging help early. Make time for yourself--and keep it. Make a lisat of things needing doing and whwen so meone makes that "If there's anything I can do.....? offer, have them chose something. None of can do this job alone, and the more we do to take care ofv oursaelves, the better we'll be able to take care of our LOs (Loved Ones)
After years as a caregiver, I'm just now coming to the point of making unwinding a priority. I hope you can do better than that.
What seems to work for me is getting out of the house. Here I am surrounded by things I need to do, and I'm on call every second of the day, even if DH's aide is here. I go sit at the library, or wander through stores, or just sit in the car and read. Alternatively, DH's aide takes him out, and I am alone in my own house. This happens once every several months, and is a rare treat. I get to turn up the stereo if I want to, or just sit and enjoy the silence and have no responsibilities for a while.
If all else fails, go to your doctor and ask for some meds to help you when you are having trouble. There were times early on when I felt like my head was going to explode. I couldn't sleep, or even eat. At times like that, you need some sort of medical intervention. Seriously. I wish you could see a show of hands of caregivers who have used meds at one time or another.
I hope that you have the legal part taken care of—wills, powers of attorney, etc. If not, please find a lawyer who specializes in elder issues, and make an appointment as soon as possible. Also, get your husband to sign a medical release so you can talk to his doctors. These things will be absolutely essential.
Oh, yes. Find a local Alzheimer's support group, and go. I had to try more than one before I found one that was a good fit.
Welcome. We are here to support each other, so come back often.
My husband attends day care 3 days a week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I run my errands on Monday, visit my parents and take my Grandmother to the beauty shop on Wednesdays and Fridays are mine. Even though I am running household errands, paying bills, etc. on Mondays, I find it relaxing because I'm by myself and don't have to keep an eye out for my husband to keep him from wandering off or putting things in his pockets. Fridays are when I either make relaxing appointments for myself like hair or a manicure or I do nothing at all. I'll just relax in a nice quiet house or take a nap.
My husband has FTD and while he can still take care of his ADLs, he has NO judgement so he cannot be left alone for even a short period of time. Without day care, I think I would mentally be in a bad place. I also take an antidepressent which helps me cope much better than I was without it.