Drowning here. Trying to get house on market to move back to Virginia. Painting, fixing, blah blah blah...... Haven't done taxes....can't find the paperwork in all the mess here. Mouth sore from dental implant work I had done. Back hurts from all this work on house and moving stuff to storage, etc. And DH's caregiver chooses the other day to tell me he is cutting his hours in HALF after promising he would help out with the "getting house ready stuff". Tells me this after missing two out of every five days anyway for the past two or three weeks. Wanted to have house on market April 1 and now keep postponing but determined to have it up this weekend.
Left message with accountant asking what to do re taxes. I'm assuming she can file extension but not sure if that will require more work on my part to get numbers together which seems impossible at this point. She can use last years to file extension, right? I can't think clearly. Back hurts. Mouth hurts and I can't stop crying.
DH is out with caregiver taking our car in for recall part. Ok, good news. CPA just called. She is filing extension.
Anyway, I don't know how some of you get it together to post when things are going badly. I want to post on so many topics but I just get so depressed and overwhelmed all I can do is read the boards.
So.....feel a tad better that the taxes pressure is temporarily removed. I called all of the few friends I have left and no one was at home. Feel so alone, you all know the feeling, with all this pressure. Family not there at all.
The home health care agency wanted to send out another person to take over the hours the current guy won't be working but I can't deal with meeting someone new at this point, plus she is 25 and not sure that would be a good max. I had to jump through so many hoops and wait so many months before John Hancock finally started paying me back and now this........what next?
Terry, you have too much on your plate. Glad you are getting the tax extension. I wish you luck with getting your house on the market and I understand your wanting to move back to Va. Not much help but just wanted you to know I am listening...take care.
Thanks lmohr. Funny I think you were the first person to respond to me when I first posted in the fall of 2007.
I know I have too much on my plate. I would like some of it OFF but don't know how to get it off. I had put so much faith in this caregiver who I have been working with since last October 1 as we whittled away at the elimination period. Long story but he really flaked out on my big time. I think I am a terrible employer which is why I sold my business many years ago when I had 8 parttime employees but felt like an employee myself. I'm a pushover I guess. He wasn't (isn't) that great but we were used to him had he stayed with DH when I went out of town for two weeks for my respite from hell.
I did just call the agency and tell them I'd be ready to start interviewing people next week. It will be difficult because there are few people in this little tourist town and those that are here are already booked. I was so sure when I was talking EVERY SINGLE DAY to John Hancock who screwed up our process and put me behind 6 months in getting paid (they did reimburse finally) that once they had totally approved care I would finally have some of this burden lifted. And now I'm back to not being able to count on anything at all. I just want to crawl under the covers and call it quits.
One of my reasons for moving is that care out here is just not good enough. The options for Assisted Living/NH are much better in Richmond and we have a house there that we can move into. If we don't we will loose all the retirement funds we put into it. (bought in 2005 so it isn't worth what we paid for it) Anyway, we have tenants in there now and the lease is up end of July. With a mortgage there of $1800 time is of the essence.....so better get back to painting and packing and put my whining on hold.
Terry--Sorry to hear about all you're going through. if you can, see if you can line up at least 2 people with the Agency. I have found that it's always good to have both hb and myself used to more than one person, so when the inevitable sick day/emergency comes up, there's someone else to fall back on.
Terry, I'm so sorry to hear of all you're facing and dealing with. You're whittling away at it, and I'm sure that's good even tho' it may not seem so. Vent all you want; our shoulders can hold you. {{{hugs}}}.
Thanks you guys. Taking a breaking waiting for the spackling to dry. Marilyn, I talked with the agency about having a backup a couple months ago and they never got back to me. Then when this guy started missing so many days I called them and told them again that I would like to have at least one other person, not just for backup but for times when he might not be able to work. They said they'd look but it sounded like because of my location it isn't as easy to find people and I got the impression they wanted me to just work it out with him because that was easiest for them.
Today though they are evidently looking seriously and I am trying to find another agency.
Zibby, "whittling away at it" that's appropriate. A friend just returned my call and asked what I could do and I told her what I am doing and it does sound like I'm doing everything I can. But when you're in the weeds it's hard to feel that way.
Four months ago I started planning on carving out time FOR ME for the four months leading up to my 60th birthday. I don't care so much about the birthdayt itself but got it in my head that I wanted a bucket list of sorts of things I had planned to do in my 50s. AD has stolen my 50s from me and I planned on being very selfish (I mean that in the best possible sense) and made various plans including retreats at Esalen. As soon as I was about to register for the retreats after doing hours of research and rationalizing spending the money I can't afford, all hell seemed to break lose and my time had to be spent elsewhere. That's how I ended up with the respite from hell. Thought I could salvage some ME time while taking care of all these life emergencies.....NOT! Now I have a little over one month left till the 60 day and nothing for me planned anymore, just trying to sell this house and trying to arrange for DH to go visit his son in the bay area if I can figure out a way to get him there. I feel like a martyr as I make arrangements for the caregiver to take DH at least once a week to a minor league baseball game, and as many other "fun" things as possible which at least keep him out of the house. It feels pathetic to feel so sorry for myself that there is no one who would even think of making any sort of arrangements for me. Heck, I'd be happy if someone brought me a cup of coffee!
Okay. Something good just happened. A friend is going to take DH on a hike tomorrow afternoon at a local lake. That will be 2-3 hours. Who would have ever thought back in the normal days when DH used to travel so much and we each lead such full lives independent of each other and together that I would someday feel such gratitude for a couple hours free.
A couple of hours of peace and quiet can mean a great deal! I remember how much I used to get done when someone would take the kids when they were little for a couple of hours. Then I would clean the house etc.....now I just enjoy not doing anything! Just look at this as a short term thing and make plans for the "future" when you are moved into your home in VA. Start making arrangements there for help when you arrive so you are not dealing with your DH while trying to move in. <<<hugs>>> You do have a plateful.
A friend of mine from church gave me a notice from our local newspaper about a Caregiver Conference hosted by our county’s office on aging. She told me that I should think about attending. It sounded good, but both my daughters work on Friday (day of the conference). My friend asked if I was going to the conference & when I told her I didn’t have anyone for DH to stay with she said, “Well he can stay with us, I didn’t plan on anything for that day.” So this Friday I’m going to a Caregivers Conference. My friend from church is an angel. She does so much for me. I am so blessed to have her in my life.
Things continue to go from bad to worse. The home health agency has overcharged and overdrawn my checking account and since it was Friday afternoon they couldn't do a thing about it. House still not listed but so much has been done by me and workers I have brought in.
Now I'm having a panic attack or something like fearful I won't be able to do all it takes to accomplish this move and will lose the option of crawling under the covers and watching mindless t.v. Because I will be so busy. And the worst part is feeling my son doesn't want me to move to Richmond which is where he and my daughter in law (who thank god is sweet and kind) and two young grand kids live. When I was ther last month he said when I asked him what he thought: "I am not looking forward to you moving to Richmond.". That was pretty hard to take and we didn't get to talk about it as he was getting ready for a trip. Evidently my timing was bad but there never seems to be a good time as he doesn't want to hear how it is going for me and almost never calls his dad. DH really wants to go and is telling everyone but I know how difficult it will be for me trying to get all the things done with his symptoms.
make sure the agency pays any bank charges for the overdraft. After all it was their fault.
You need to call your son and clear up what he meant by his comment. It would be tragic if you move to Richmond and find that you are battling your son as well. Take one day at a time even though that one day is not what you expected.
terry - I thought there were more reasons for moving than just your son. It could be he is thinking about when you are closer the reality of his dad's illness will be right there in his face vs long distance. You have given more reasons than just your son for moving and if true then keep on your plan.
I too am wondering about your son's comment. It could be he fears the reality of the disease OR he worries he may be asked for help( imagine that after years of raising him) in light of the fact that he has children. In any case, he fears something. If not...but you need to clear the air before you uproot yourself to a new area with more complications than you need.
Charlotte, you have clear take on situation and are telling me the same things my friends are.
Mimi and Phil, "clear the air" sounds like a reasonable request but my son is not a reasonable person. The relationship is so bizarre I can't begin to explain what I have never understood. I used to think it was a love/hate type thing but hate is too strong and I haven't felt love in some time.
Mimi, yes, during dx period early 2007 he was distant and I learned he thought I was just being "overly dramatic.". At that time I even asked him if he was afraid he would be asked to help and he did seem to have those fears. That is just a small part of it. He is extremely critical of me and I feel under a microscope when I am around him. Most of his criticisms seem like projections: "I want to have everything my way. I try to control things.". If it weren't so painful it would be funny that in my life as a caregiver I would ever have any control or get anything my way!!!!
I have given him the power to emotionally devastate me with his thoughtless tongue. Somehow in raising him I never taught him to respect his mother. I failed and pay the price. His wife feels caught in the middle, my friends describe him as egotistical, arrogant and callous. Breaks my heart as he is my only child and I am completely estranged from rest of my family.
I am still in bed under the covers and the realtor just called asking if the house was straightened up as he had come to measure during worst chaos. I told him it was two hours away from being ready to be shown, listed and photographed. But I also told him I was paralyzed with a panic attack or fear like a bride before wedding.
I called my DIL yesterday, asked her to have son call. I missed his call but received a very curt and painful email from him. A close friend tried to talk me into proceeding anyway and not let him control my life, but maybe it is exhaustion and back pain and depression but I am temporarily frozen in this state.
Oh terry, my heart goes out to you. I don’t know what it’s like to be paralyzed with a panic attack, but I do know how it feels to NOT want to get out of bed, but do it anyway because otherwise my DH wouldn’t know how to function. I do know the feeling of being overwhelmed & not knowing what to do first, so usually I don’t do anything. I get out of bed & just go through the routine like a robot. It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate & it’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed. Please know that I am thinking of you. (((hugs)))
I've gotten so much done in the past few weeks on the house and now I freeze with just a couple hours or so that it would take to clear out the mess, hang a few pictures, stage some shelves, etc.
I had this forboding feeling yesterday, this fear of going from the frying pan to the fire. The plan was to get this house on the market and move into the house we own in Richmond when the tenant's lease runs out Aug. 1. If this house didn't sell I planned on renting it and still moving to Richmond. Since our mortgage in Richmond is $1800 we can't afford to let it sit empty and planned on paying that off with the proceeds of sale here. OR use the rental from this house to help pay the mortgage there. As it is our rent doesn't cover the mortgage so that house costs us every month.
In 2005 we sunk over $100K of our retirement funds into the Richmond house with plans to renovate it and retire there. Then of course the bubble burst and if we had to sell today AS IS we would lose all but $20-30K of that. We would live there 2-5 years and I would update it and eventually sell after DH is placed and we could get more out of it. I'm attracted to Richmond as the location in the museum district is IDEAL for us, the Alzheimer's community is very strong, and my church there is large enough to offer me a ready made community which I so miss from my days in Northern Virginia. Plus maybe the most important factor is the ALFs I checked out there are far superior to anything here and we have unlimited LTC policy so when placement time comes it would be a much better place to be. And I wanted to be close to my grandchildren, 3 and 6 months.
I do not like this little tourist town. It's been wonderful for DH for a "vacation" for the past nearly 4 years but now that he can't or shouldn't get out on his own to the local "joints" for music, etc. it is losing its appreal. Plus with a population of 2300 it is just too small town for me. I chose this place also to be within a couple hours of my mother and sister and that has been a disaster. We are completely estranged. DH is ready to move on and wants to move to Richmond which surprised me.
My friends back in VA tell me to get out of here and start living a life again and be within 2 hours of my longtime friends in Northern VA. Maybe while writing this I'm reconvincing myself this is the right thing to do even as difficult as it will be.
terry--the LTC policy may cover respite--how about telling hubby you're sending him to a "resort" and you have a week or so of time to finish up the house and to relax a little. Sounds like you have too much on your plate.
Sounds to me as if you have important reasons to move regardless of what your son thinks about it. Since he is giving you little or no support as it is, his lack of support needn't influence your decision whether to move or not. I'd go for it if you can! We're throwing you lots of rope to hang onto.
Terry - you need to stop beating yourself up over the course your son has taken. Traveling we talk to many people, from all walks of life, who have had the same experience as me: you bring your kids up respecting others including their elders, working hard for what you want in life, fearing God, not to take advantage of others, etc. and they take the opposite direction in life.
Both my kids are self-centered believing the world owes them. My son has an ego/false pride (a lot came from the Marine Corp) that will not allow him to ask for help (ex: it just cost him his first trucking job because he could not ask for more training); anger at the world which has cost him two marriages and numerous jobs; and he blames everyone but himself. My daughter has tried for years blaming me for her bad choices in life. For a long time I let her, apologizing until I was blue in the face. Finally I took to heart what my counselor had told me and I told others when I was counseling: they are adults and make their own choices. It does not matter what type of childhood they had - they still make choices as adults and need to take the consequences of those choice: good or bad. Both my kids have made bad choices and are paying for it. Their lives are miserable and I refuse to ALLOW them to blame me any longer for those bad choices because if I let them they will find a way to blame me.
You need to stop taking responsibility for the way your son is. I abused my kids but also gave all I could, so there is a reason to blame me but they are adults now and make their own choices. As I had to do with my mom to forgive her, I had to tell myself until it soaked in 'I did the best I could with where I was at the time'. If I had had the counseling when they were growing up it would have been different, but I did not get it until they were adults.
Your son is an adult and it does not matter how his childhood was - good or bad - he has made choices and must take responsibility for them and the results. As for his tongue/mouth/nasty hurtful words: refuse to accept them. It is not easy. I talk very little with my son because I will not side with his 'poor me' attitude but his estrange wife and I have become close, which is strange because I did not care for her at first. My daughter is only nice to me when she wants money.. When I tell her I don't have it she gets nasty and I don't hear from her (or contact her) until she tries for money again.
You have a good relationship with your DIL so move with that. You have friends there, there are better services there, you have a house there which finding housing is half the stress of moving. If need be, write down on a piece of paper the pros and cons then you can see in writing which will be the best choice. That should give you piece that your decision will be for the best for you and your hb. Do not let your son dictate what you need to do for YOU.
Again, let go of any guilt or responsibility you may be holding onto for the way he has turned out. TV, movies, games, etc all push the attitude your son, mine and countless others that were brought up to respect people, have contributed to a 'me first' and the world owes me attitude. Many here have kids that stayed with the values they were raised with which is good to hear. Others have kids brought up under tough circumstances and still turned out with good values and responsible adults. Ours along with too many others did not. But we need to let them be responsible or to blame for their choices - not us. Make sense?
Terry - while I was writing my post you did what I was suggesting:pros and cons. Keep it up and it will help you get over the panic of moving. Go for it girl - do it for you.
Go back and read again what you have just posted about your son, only child or not, and your reply about how you didn't teach him to respect you..neither did his father then...
Now is the time to get out from under the covers..I don't know the other reasons for moving to the area nearer your son but if that was one of the reasons, scratch it off. Now review the other reasons you were going to move there..better facilities, better medical..whatever they are and weigh them out. Jot the pros and cons of all of the reasons. Then when your view is clearer you make the decision for what is best to do for your husband and you and to hell with this son who has so little regard for you and his father. You do what you need to do not what he wants or doesn't want.
And the next time, the very next time he starts in on you, in plain English tell him to SHUT UP! He has not been doing the work you have and tell him he is now welcome to come and take over the care tasks himself..every last bed pan, shower fuss, clothes change, eating issues, medication administration, doctor visit, you name it and then hang up or walk out.
You should not stand for this from him.
Then I would see my lawyer about the situation and get something legal in place so that Mr Know It All, cannot get in the way of decisions you are making for yourself and your husband, for your property, whatever you may have. And then do what you have to do , hold your head high and count on your surpportive friends.
Someone has got to your son, perhaps other family members somewhere along the line as you indicate you have no kind of family support in any way nor understanding at the very least.
So do right by yourself and your husband, hold your head high and DO NOT TOLERATE ANY LONGER ANY MOUTH FROM YOUR SON. It cannot be that all your friends who know your son are wrong in their opinion of him.
And let us all know how you are...if were were nearer we would box his ears for you.
Just went back and read your other posts...you have very very good reasons for wanting to move so just do it and the part of the equation that is totally irrelevant is your son..ignore him, his complaints and smart remarks and move forward. You can do it.
Marilyn, believe me if I could I would. I fantasize about sending him to a nice ALF for a week or two, but there are none here. I*'m in love with one in Richmond and would have him stay there a week or two when we move in if we can get there.
Thanks Charlotte and Jeanette, I needed that. His email last night was so callous and I don't even think he realizes how cruel he sounds because he began the email with a long paragraph about himself, his upcoming trip, his stress dealing with his job and two kids. You'd think no one ever had kids before. He's overwhelmed he says. He has never once mentioned I might be overwhelmed and when I got there in March he immediately started asking me to help with the kids!!!!!
I don't think there is anything else I can do to improve our relationship. I've tried therapy for us, sending him to a men's week in Connecticut which he liked so much he goes every year. No change. The only reasons he ever gives is that he feels he had to live in my shadow and that I have a BIG PERSONALITY. (I guess he didn't see Oprah when she had Roseanne Barr and her kids on.)
Mimi, I so understand what you mean when you've mentioned in some of your posts how you feel when you hear about all the wonderful things they're doing. I hear two things: All about their successes, their travels, their recognitions, our from my son how stressful it is having all this responsibility. I thought he would grow up and see the light when he had kids but guess not. He's 37 so don't think it's going to happen any time soon.
I called one of the tenants to check out my options there as he wanted to get a two year lease with a couple med students beginning Aug 1. He might still be interested in doing that should I decide not to move in, but I think a couple more years here would result in my depression winning out in the end and the only advantage to me would be that I could hire caregivers to stay upstairs and I could stay downstairs in a permanent funk. Unfortunately the caregiver we have and the one I interviewed are less "handy" than I am and not really much help except as a companion.
NOPE. You are right Charlotte. I've thought this thrrough for some time and I'm going to move forward.
WOW MIMI, just read your post. I'm actually smiling! I'll send you a plane ticket for that "ear boxing" you mention.
I should have put a stop to this years ago. I have been the past couple years not tolerating it like before but he often chooses social occasions like opening Christmas presents, or his wedding rehearsal, that kind of thing, and I'm not going to create a scene. Interesting how he now says he doesn't want "conflict and drama." Sheezzzz.....
Good suggestions. I'm out from under the covers you'll be happy to know.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! Gosh do I hear Helen Reddy singing?'
terry, I live in Maryland about 2 hours from Richmond. When you get settled I’d love to meet you! Isn’t this place wonderful? There are such wonderful people here giving great pep talks. I agree with everything they have already said. It sounds like you have a great support system in Richmond. Don’t let one person (your son) keep you from doing what is probably the right thing for you to do. (I’m close enough to box his ears!)
Elaine, would love to meet. When I was in Richmond last I got so upset at son's behavior I drove up to Arlington and spent a couple days with some long time friends. I was looking for comfort but got a big dose of "Mimi style talk" which I resisted until I was a few hours on the road for the long trek back to Arkansas. I got some comfort too, nice dinner, clean sheets, remote control on my pillow, and coffee in bed. OMG I felt I had gone to heaven. I remembered that MarilyninMD lived somewhere close and told her later if I had had just an ounce more energy I would have gone searching her out.
I don't actually have a support system yet in Richmond but Arlington is close enough that it feels that way because my friends are close by. Plus I have attended the UU church there and had some dealings with the local Alz Association. That local group offers substantially more than any in the immediate Northern VA/DC/MD area. I also know the couple who live in the house next door to the one we own and our two Bichons made friends a few years ago with another Bichon around the corner.
Our house is a block and a half from Cary Street which has great coffee shops, restaurants, boutiques, bookstore, patisserie, pet groomers, all the expensive stuff it's fun to visit. We lived 25 years in the DC Virginia suburbs and having originally come from SF/Berkeley I never got past my longing to be able to walk to stuff. I decided to move out here after DH retired early after his DX because it offered so much DH loves and frankly I didn't want to be in the same town with my son because he wasn't showing much empathy or support and I wanted to avoid emotional drains.
HEY I know what! Any of you all who want to come visit Richmond and bring your spouses just let me know and as I will surely have a LTC policy paid caregiver then we can all go bar hopping or fill up some southern flasks and hit the gardens and museums and leave our spouses at the house. Could work.
Terry, I am confused..who wants to have the lease for med students? You don't mean that self centered son do you? If that is who it is, I would say in a word to him NO DICE.
Mimi, we have had tenants in the Richmond house since Nov 2005. There are usually 3 who pay 500 each. There are. Only two there now as part of my respite from he'll in March was the surprise I got by email on my way out there that ended up in my evicting her.
One of the guys who is still there is a med student who wanted to renew the lease Aug 1 for two years with a couple other med students.
no matter though I sign listing agreement on this place tomorrow at 2. Yippeeee.
My son is a case for sure. Very confusing as he used to seem so proud of me eating all his friends to meet me, very obviously seeking my approval, and I have tried to get to the bottom of this for some time but obviously my attempt toon is elsewhere these days and I don't need this. I've read others stories here whose families are not there for them now when we need them the most. As if dementia isn't enough. We deserve so much better!!!!
Terri, he's only 37. He still has a lot of maturing to do. My 53 year old son told me the other day that he is finally growing up and becoming an adult. He has a 13 year old daughter who needs a father instead of a friend. Never thought I would see the day. He can always make me smile and he does love his momma and dad and sisters. And I don't have the moderation gene either and this stuck in traffic feeling is driving me crazy. Not much I can do but sit here and see where this journey is taking me.
Yep Bama, I got OCD on my bedroom bookcases and called the realtor and postponed from 2 to 4 as I still have liv room, office, DH's room and kitchen to straighten. I felt so guilty postponing and then I thought hey who is the client here? He's making commission he can work on my schedule.
Fear is setting in again I keep thinking I know all the horrible things that can happen here as they already have.
Sheezzzzz it is always something. Home health agency I mentioned had overcharged my checking account by upwards of $1000. I thought it was some dibble billing from the time I was on respite for 2 weeks. This morning they stand by the numbers faxing me time sheets going way back. Too tired now to write all the details but the time sheets were padded. I have spent upwards of six hours on this trying to recreate actual hours worked as didn't have copies of what I signed at the time. Seeing them today there are days when he was not here at all where he has 10 hours billed and this is at least 3 days. I think there is more but when the agency asked me to detail all the actual hours worked versus what they had billed me for and that then they would talk with him about it.
I am swamped and told them I do not have time to do that right now especially since this morning I went over it I. Some detail to one of their people. I gave them 3 of the most egregious errors of charges for days he wasn't here and for which I have text messages from him at the time detailing these cancellations. I told him they could use at least that without my taking the time for months of backtracking.
I have called and texted him all day. He was to call me Monday morning to work out the schedule for the week but didn't which is highly unusual and didn't return my text until a more pointed text late this evening.
He is blaming me and says he had lots of expenses and the $20 I gave him for gas wasn't enough. I have given him more than that and always make sure he and DH have plenty of money for both of them. He claims I told him to get his expenses by charging the time to the ltc INS. I did not. I had asked him with help to help me try to recreate his time sheets a couple days ago and he never mentioned anything then about adding this kind of hours just said he couldn't recall his hours.
I will not be using him again. And for now I don't want any other caregivers in this house!
terry – lesson learned for us here – document, document, document & keep detailed records! Sorry this is happening to you. Your plate is overflowing. Keeping you in my prayers.
One of the things we required of caregivers were receipts for EVERYTHING. My dad had to be taken places as he was a double amputee. Our car was used by the caregiver and if they paid for gas we wanted the receipt for that as proof...anything picked up at a grocery store, drug store whatever...and my dad only had 50 bucks in his wallet at a time. In that we had more than one caregiver, we had notebooks they had to keep records of times leaving, returning, when they came on and got off work etc. It cut down the monkeyshines by a fair amount.
But that said, after my mom's mink hat was stolen, meds, foods, tools from the garage, and one day I found a bedspread hid in the garage and you know what that was for.....in the dark of the night other things were intended to go missing. I fully understand why you don't want any caregivers in your house.
I went so far as to put deadbolts on closets with our valuable or sentimental or private things under lock and key. Only my brother and I had the key to that closet and let me tell you, among the nosey caregivers...it drove them nuts!!! In my house here I would lock rooms as well.
Has anyone used their local VNA Extended Care for their help? That's who I use and have only had excellent care and experience regarding billing etc....
Also, avoid automatic withdrawals from your checking at all cost. I refuse to do them because once someone takes your money it is extremely hard to get it back. Plus, it is hard to stop those withdrawals.
I can't remember what the options were other than auto withdrawal maybe an escrow. Anyway this guy thought that the ltc insurance had begun paying directly therefore I would not find out he was adding hours after I had signed his time sheets. House looks beautiful....listed now......I am so very tired and sad.
I don't know how other LTC companies work--but my husband's will only send out one check a month. So, I am billed by the vendors (i.e. daycare and home health agency), I pay them directly and submit the claim to the LTC company. They then reimburse me. There is more paperwork for me using that method, but it gives me complete control over what happens. And BTW, billing errors have occurred as well as payment errors from the LTC company--I try to keep a close watch. Fortunately, the employees at the LTC co. couldn't be more helpful.
The LTC co. Messed up last Sept. In their advice to me and the health care agency resulting in my having to begin anew the entire claims process in January when I was expecting my elimination period to have been met and that they would be paying for full time care at that time. But no, I had to start the process again and they continued to make error after error all the while apologizing. finally in March they approved and did pay retroactively but during Jan to March I still didn't not use them much as I couldn't afford to pay that much out of pocket. As it was I had to pay myself $170 per day for live in care the same guy and only one I have ever used) for 14 days. That was for my respite from he'll where I had to deal with psychotic tenant and neurotic son.
So finally now I am though he he'll the INS co put me through but have no caregiver. Sucks sucks sucks....I must have been a really horrible person in a previous life!!!!
Since I had interviewed a backup I arranged with the agency for him to take DH to a ballgame Sunday but looks like thunderstorms.
My little sweet Bichon's cruciate Ligament surgery has gone wrong and she's walking on 3 legs with something metal sticking out of her leg so it is to the vet tomorrow morning.
However, our roof is not leaking. That's what I tell DH and anyone who asks how it is going. the tornadoes passed us by I was hoping to be lifted up to Oz.
One more thing I guess will seem amusing to anyone but me. Thursday a friend came by so I could show her all the changes I had made to the house. She was impressed. It was the most enjoyment I have felt as I've gone about this alone. I started to show her the last thing I was going to do that evening which was to hang this way cool sliding panel system in the doorway to DH's room. I had searched forever for just the right thing and found something perfect I brought back from Ikea in VA.
I couldn't find it. Looked everywhere with her traipsing behind me...."it's okay it doesn't matter, no one will know.....". It damn well mattered to me. So finally I asked DH if he had seen it. I described it to him as rolled up, in original new packaging...I didn't mention I had showed it to him numerous times over the past couple weeks because I was so excited about it. It's a weird opening and I had used a curtain before and it just didn't go with the style...anyway, he said, oh yes, I know what you are talking about. "I threw that away this morning."
What????????? No, surely not it was in the original packaging, brand new.
oh yes he said I thre that away. It was in the little tiny really wicker wastebasket in my room. True, and with it was the hardware in a taller package, I put them there so they wouldn't fall over and had showed him many times.
I still couldn't get myself to believe it. But look I said the hardware is still here.
"right," he said. "That was to big to fit into the trash bag."
Terry, I'm sooo sorry! That's exactly what my hb would do except that he wouldn't remember having seen it, throwing it away, etc. Is the trash bag still around or have you had trash pick up? This a.m. I realized hb has been going to the basement to pee wherever/whatever corner/on anything. So I did some steam cleaning. Thankfully we don't have carpet there. Now to go back to the thread that talks about various kinds of locks available from Amazon, and.....I'm so very tired of tracking him all day and 1/2 the night. Yup, life is depressing these days.
It gets really hard to believe that I am not to blame somehow for all the crap which keeps happening. house has been listed almost two weeks now and the realtor is unresponsive to emails, says he will call and doesn't, did not use the pictures I spent hours taking even though I stopped asking and started demanding. he finally used 3 of them and ignored the others, my requests, my comments.....on and on. He has a reputation for being like this and I meant to get an agreement with him BEFORE I signed the contract but DH was being so much trouble and causing me to take 3 steps back for every 1 forward, that I signed and forgot. but I was really firm with him to no effect.
local people I have talked to who are very real estate savvy tell me to cancel my listing as this is unacceptable behavior. The realtor appears to be trying to hold the listing close to vest by providing little info resulting in the calls coming directly to him (he said as much about wanting people to call). I sold real estate for a short time and am familiar with methods used to benefit the agent, not necessarily the client.
Anyway I may cancel by certified mail as required tomorrow and then have to wait 7 days until he actually has to cancel it. A couple of local high end flippers told me today they felt it looked fabulous and would definitely sell but that the realtor should be responsive or be fired. Sheeezzzzzz....