I just don't know what to do. My dh has decided he is not returning to the dentist, one we have been going to for years. He has good teeth and right now takes care of them properly. He saw on the calendar that he has appointment with opthalmalogist next week. Now he says his glasses weren't made properly and doesn't want to see this guy anymore. Has seen him for years. He is going to pcp (known for years) last week of this month. I am scared to death he will decide to blackball him. Yet he takes his medicine regularly for heart, cholesterol, etc. We can't start going from dr. to dr. He is 85 and I am having a tough time getting through to him. Anyone out there have any suggestions?
Shirley, I have found when my DH gets subborn like this I just say okay or ignore him,sometimes he forgets and goes any way. At times I think they just like giving you a hard time.My DH loves giving people a hard time.GOOD LUCK.
Your husband's stubborness is part of the disease, and you will make yourself sick trying to argue with him. One of the hardest things to learn when dealing with Alzheimer's Disease is that "their reasoning button is BROKEN", and you CANNOT "get through to him". You cannot argue with an Alzheimer's patient. You will NEVER win. You can either ignore him, as Ann says, or agree with him. He doesn't want to go to the dentist or the eye doctor. Just say ok and end the conversation there. People only argue if there is someone to argue with. Refusing to engage in the arguing stops them cold.
Before the appointment, I would suggest speaking with the doctor and dentist, and give them a heads up on the situation. On the day of the appointment, you can take him and tell him he can tell the doctor/dentist that he never wants to come again. The dentist/doctor can handle it from there. He will either let them work on him or he won't.
In the end, if he won't go, he won't go; if he won't let them work on him, he won't, and there is nothing you can do about it, except accept it and stop stressing over it.
My DH needed to get one more tooth pulled. Not giving him any problems, but it may in the future. He did not want it done. Before I came on and saw this post I had called the dentist and canceled the appointment. I know DH feels like he has no control in his life, so I gave him this one. Could you make a deal, no dentist or eye doctor now and do the PCP? Wait a month or so and try again? Is it to many drs in one month? We never seem to know what it is that is bothering them, we just need to keep trying.
Shirley, I learned a long time ago not to put an appointment on the calendar and never tell him about one until I am dressing him to go. He would obsess about for days.
I never tell DH when he has a doctors appointment. If I do, he will worry himself and me to death. Every morning before we get out of bed he asks "well, what's on the docket for today?" Then I tell him. Sometimes he will complain and I just ignore; tell him it's time for his shower and I lay out his clothes, then go do something else. I try never to tell him ahead of time. Have stopped arguing. So far, he has gone to appts., but if he refuses to go -so be it.
Shirley, I don't know what stage your husband is in, but mine had his last visits at the beginning of stage 6. He had his dentist appointment, and the dentist knew him and had taken care of him for years. He made certain that all fillings were good, repaired a crown, filled two other teeth, etc. ...it took two hours and my husband patiently let him do it all. It was his last visit, and the dentist tried to make certain his teeth would be okay for the final years.
The same with the eye doctor. The last time I took him was the middle of stage 6, and he could no longer read the chart, but the doctor did a series of tests and continued the eye drops for the pressure in his eyes. He said other than refilling his drops, there was nothing more he could do either.
We had his hearing checked, and again, it was okay, and the doctor said no need to return.
His PCP, when he called in Hospice for me, said that there was no need to bring him back for another annual physical, that the Hospice doctor would be treating him. That it was okay to stop the Lipitor because there was no necessity to be concerned about his cholesterol at this point in his life.
My husband went to these last appointments because he loved to "go" - I never told him WHERE I was taking him - I just took him and sat in the room with him for each of those appointments - and he was as good as gold. I was lucky. But I knew when leaving that we wouldn't be going back.
We want to continue with the normal things and appointments for them, but in reality, there reaches a point where you just love them, feed them well, try not to argue, and allow them some peace. If there is nothing wrong with his teeth - other than a check-up, I'd skip it. Same for his eyes and ears. He seems to know that and I wouldn't try to cause his stress by making him go. Now, his heart doctor is another matter. I would just take him out to lunch and have the appointment scheduled for after the meal, and just drive there, and say you need to run in for a bit and want his company......Fiblets are the name of the game when there is something that MUST be done!!!! If that won't work, try bribing him. Bribery is great too!!!!
I try not to let DW know anything about plans, until the last minute. She will hound me about an issue till it is time to go or she will decide that she does not want to do it. It is amazing that they loose some mental ablity and then they over work the area that does work.
Just as everyone else have said, I NEVER told my husband we were going somewhere until it was time to get him dressed. Otherwise, he'd drive me insane asking, "Do we go today?" or he would get up at 4 am to dress for teh appointment. My calendar is in a book on my chairside table. NOT posted on the wall. Just as you don't tell the children they are going to Disneyland in 4 weeks, you keep tihs info to yourself and let it be.
One of the many hard things we as "partners" have to learn to do is 'work it out yourself' and forget the committee meetings where we'd discuss plans well in advance. Just schedule it and then go.
One more thing, ... save the money on hearing aids, glasses, etc. after 6. The old glasses will work just fine if they are not broken. We don't know how they process what they see and/or hear, and I was told by several doctors and other advisers that after this Stage, we should just save the money. This does NOT apply to the Dentist and PCP, because you want to avoid any infections at all costs. A painful abcessed tooth would be a nightmare for them - as would other infections in the blood. Those guys have to be kept in the loop.
Just what is stage 6? I have heard about sub-stages but don't know what they are. My dh takes care of all his personal grooming. Does like to wear the same outer clothing for more days than I like but does change underwear often. I don't think he comprehends what he reads anymore. Won't take Aricept, Namenda or Exelon patch anymore because of night terrors and gastric problems. Dr. said they probably didn't do any good anyway. He takes care of his breakfast and lunch. Can't take phone messages or make calls. Hasn't driven for months. Can't really do any math anymore, can't write a check. He mixes up the gender of people. Says 'he" when referring to daughter, etc.
From all the postings I am beginning to think he doesn't want to see the eye dr. because he is afraid he might not remember the letters on the eye chart. The dentist charged him a lot of money for a bridge a few yrs. ago, some of which was covered by insurance. I am sure that made him angry and he never forgot it.
He is very proud and doesn't want people to know how he is affected by AD.
I guess we could all write our own books. Every AD "victim" is different.
Yes, every AD person is different. The motto I have been taught is - "If you've seen ONE Alzheimer's patient, you've seen ONE Alzheimer's patient."
On my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - on the left side, click on Newly Diagnosed/ New Member. When that page comes up, down in the middle there is a lot about "stages", but I am not a fan of following and worrying about stages. Patients have some characteristics of some stages, and other characteristics of other stages, and they are constantly in flux.
My dh loved going to the Doctors and Dentist etc. so that was not an issue with us. However, I made the decision to not have a crown installed because I seen no sense in the expense and there was no pain. He had a full set of teeth and had he needed it pulled later - I would have had it pulled later. That did not happen and I am glad we did not go ahead with the crown. The Dentist was fine with my decision and did a cleaning every 4 months. I agree about not telling them ahead of time about the appointments even though it was not an issue here. Shirley, from what you have written above - my personal opinion would be he is not in late stage 6 yet. Maybe early stage 6. My dh skipped stage 7.
I gave dh another chance to keep eye appointment. HE AGREED!! This may be the last one. Last two days have been very odd. Almost seems like normal but I know it won't last. Must have asked me 3 times in the last 1/2 hr. what time I was leaving for hair appointment. Last night he mentioned his pills, substituting all sorts of words but I caught on. I said when he sees the pcp in two weeks, some of those meds may change. Had no idea whom I was talking about and he has been seeing this doc for 10 yrs.
One of his old co-workers called last night, speaking to me first. Said he had heard that dh wasn't doing too well. What could I say? Dh was sitting right next to me. I said, "he's fine and sitting right here." He spoke to dh and I could tell dh had a tough time carrying on conversation with his word substitutions and repeating our winter snowfall 3 times. Hope the co-worker caught on.
Shirley, re: the telephone conversation... You could have said, "What you have heard is true.. AND he is sitting right next to me." Then you've kept them in the loop. IF WE pretend they are just fine, how will his friends, who were nice enough to call, understand the conversational problems later in the call. You could have said that and your husband would not have known what you were tallking about. You should call thisfriend tomorrow and explain why you told a fiblet.
That is very good advice and I will do as you suggest the next time someone calls. This fellow just said, "they tell me your husband isn't doing very well." I really don't know what he heard. I have thought about writing him a note.