Let’s call a spade a shovel—or maybe a backhoe---and get the job done. I am so sick and tired of being told: Make him take his meds. Make him shower. Stop him from smoking. Don’t let him drive. Substitute “her” as needed) And then there are the statements: “Legally we cannot restrain them—not with seatbelts, bedrails, meds. etc.” Even the mentally challenged have the right to decide whether to take meds, smoke, drink, etc. for themsel ves.” Thursday I am taking DH in for a Med Evaluation. He has resumed smoking and there is a direct con- nection between his smoking and TIAs causing faster, more severe decline in his VaD. At first the Social Worker/ Case Manager tried laying the “Legal” restrictions lines on me and I, admittedly, responded some what sarcastically, “In other words you’re telling me, his Guardian, to let him smoke until a bad enough TI A brings him to the hospital, and then you can help?” She said “No,” and then started to requote her “Legally, we cannot…” I butted in “I heard YOU. Legally. . .”I repeated her precisely, and followed with, “Which means you’re saying I have to let him kill himself.” Funny how she backed up, checked with someone, put me on hold, got his file, AND SUDDENLY THERE’S A PLAN. Restraints can be used whe n needed, with Dr.’s orders, frequently checked and renewed as needed. Meds can be administered, against the patient’s choice, when required—there are methods. Our demented spouses are incompetent to make decisions for their own welfare. We have to make those choices for them. We need to use the same backbone that gets us through these days, to face down these Professionals we are paying and demand they do their jobs. I see no reason the Pro’s should be excused from the nitty gritty of applying the instructions and prescriptions they hand out. Who knows—maybe if they had to be involved in the applications, they’d come up with better options?
You are a wise woman! We have learned so much from each other. So many in the medical field, and the legal field are still in the dark ages when it comes to Alzheimer's. We could teach them, if they would allow us!!! I'm glad you broke through!!!!
Mary, I agree with you carosi is a very wise woman. I have been trying to get through but...everyone thinks they know better than I do. Yah Right! they don't even live with him. All they have is book learnin' most of them have not even dealt with anything like what we are dealing with, I think that kind of knowledge is different. All I can say is good for you carosi and for me I am going to keep trying.
For some reason this reminds me of 11 years ago, when my dyslexic son was in 2nd grade... "We are providing the interventions he needs" insisted the Principal and the reading specialist. Meanwhile, in the next breath, his regular teacher tells me that he will probably continue to receive poor grades in social studies because higher level reading skills are necessary to access the material.
At this point I asked them if they were hearing each other. "So, the school is providing 'what he needs' in terms of special ed, but he's still going to fail social studies?"
The miraculous thing was that on his next report card he had straight As. "Sure," I thought.
He completed his education at a private school especially for kids with LDs. (this is why I agree with the sentiment that more money should go to education, and the military should be the ones having to hold bake sales.)
emily-while we're OT. While in kindergarten I was told my son was "slow" and wouldn't be promoted to 1st grade. This pushy mom made sure the proper interventions were made. This slow child became a navy nuke-with degree. Met his wife at a MENSA meeting.