This morning I told DH that he is going to DD's house while I host my book club here this afternoon. I put his clothes on the bed while he showered. When he came out of the shower, he asked what should I wear? I said, the clothes on the bed. He said, I don't see any clothes. I could see the clothes from the next room and that he was looking at them. He, then, angrily took the clothes to me and threw them on the floor. I said, Is there something wrong with the clothes? No. He is upset. I am upset and I don't get it.
I believe the term is agnosia for what your husband is experiencing- http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=11023
When you pointed out the clothes to him, he most likely was very angry, upset, and frightened for himself, because he realized something was wrong with him.
It's all related to the disease. I would suggest talking to the doctor about it - there is nothing that can be done about it, but maybe he can give you more information and suggestions how to deal with it. I know we have many members whose spouses have had this problem. Hopefully, they will be along soon to offer advice.
Mary, the only way to handle this behavior is to realize that your husband is behaving on a preschooler's level. I always used the same tactics with my husband as I did with my children when they were young....offer a treat, distract from the issue for a few minutes and then they usually cooperate....I know how frustrating this is....I used to just clench my teeth and plaster a smile on my face and pray that I didn't kill him. I was not one of those "sweetheart" caregivers, but I got the job done.
Yes, Maryd, the visual agnosia is very hard to deal with....when it first started happening with my husband I would get angry with him, saying things like "it's right there in front of you!" Then he would become angry, and upset with me. It wasn't until I read of others' experiences on this site that I realized it was part of the AD. It's not so much a vision problem as a problem with comprehension and processing what is seen....also in not remembering the meaning of words. For example, I will set a cup of tea on the table in front of my DH and let him know...he will seem to look directly at it and ask me "where is it?". I agree with Joan....he becomes angry and upset because he is frightened, and realizes something is wrong with him. He had an eye exam recently, and there is nothing wrong with his vision....but the Dr. says it is a processing problem...part of AD.
I too have had to deal with this frustrating (for both of us) issue. He will be standing in the kitchen and ask where his glass of juice is. I will tell him it is right in front of him and you can see him looking everywhere and not see it. I usually just go in and hand it to him. He will try and cover it us but I can tell he is upset too.
maryd, my DH doesn’t know the names of the rooms in the house. When I tell him to go to the bedroom, he will point down the hallway & say, “This way?” He also can’t see things right in front of him. He has the same problems with clothes laid out on the bed as your DH has. I STILL have difficulty realizing that he isn’t processing the information, but isn’t it great that we can come here for answers to our questions? Thanks everyone!
Notrecognizing that 'glass of juice' in front of him.. when asking for his glass of juice is another phase of A.D. If you ask him "What is this".. He'd say, "A glass of juice". But knowing he wants a glass of juice and being able to acknowledge that glass of juice on the table is IT, is part of the cognitive degeneration, as it was explained to me. It's terribly abstract to US in our way of thinking. Same as when he would hear the telephone ringing, and the phone was next to his chair. He wouldn't think to pick it up and say "Hello". He'd hear the sound, know it was the phone ringing, but nothing more.
Same with seeing clothes placed out on the bed - and not processing that THESE are the clothes I need to put on my body. Another loss of 'processing' A to B. These are the heard realizations I had to process in my own brain, and once I knew that it was the disease, - NOT his conscious stubborness or laziness, it was easier on me. I continue to use the same example or analogy: If you put your 2 or 3 year old child's clothes out on a chair, would you expect him to come from his bath and go there and put them on without them being pointed out first? Maybe they could put most of them on, albeit the shirt might be backward and the shoes on the wrong feet, but you would not be angry with him because he didn't do it properly. Folks, it's the same thing. It's up to us to understand that they cannot help themselves, it's not deliberate, it's not personal, it's not laziness. We KNOW this intellectually, but for some reason, we cannot accept it when we see our formerly strong spouses so confused.
With all my so-called knowledge, I often share with groups the story about the day I labeled every cabinet and drawer with P-Touch Labels - so DH would put the glasses and/or plates in the proper cabinets...only to recall, after all my work, that he could no longer read. I KNEW he couldn't read, but I sat there for over an hour printing out labels nonetheless. Sometime, we are our own problem! Nancy B*
maryd--My hb has quite a bit of agnosia going on, for over 2 years now. It has been getting more pronounced and he requires more and more help to find things. What has helped my attitude is to think of him as a blind person--I certainly wouldn't be frustrated or upset because a blind person couldn't see and needed my help. This week, I was reminded of the scene in the movie "The Miracle Worker" when Annie Sullivan helps Helen Keller learn the word water by holding her hands under running water. The reason I thought of it is because when I want to help my husband wash his hands, I can no longer point to the stream of water but must literally guide his hand under it so he can feel it; can't point to the soap but must put it in his hands, etc. So, quite a bit of cueing from the caregiver is required to get around this problem.
I have to touch my DH's face and show him where to shave. Once he starts it is more an act of habit. He also doesn't know the names of the rooms in our house or pieces of clothes. also at the stage that "take off - put on, up and down" mean absolutely nothing to him.