Last night, we were watching the news and there was a piece about Jenny McCarthy doing advocacy work regarding autism. My hb (late Stage 6 AD) asked me to repeat what the piece was about, and when I did, he said "I have that". Clearly, he was mixing up autism with AD, but I was surprised that he could make the connection (both are brain issues and start with "A"). I took the opportunity to discuss how he feels about that, whether he is happy (yes--thank you anosognosia and the various medications that keep him happy). I was wondering if anyone else whose LO is that far along has brought up the disease and how they expressed their feelings about it.
Marilyn, from time to time my husband used to say thoughtfully, "I'm losing my mind." I would say, "Well, I'm here to fill in any blank spots for you." That reassurance seemed to be enough. Now, when I come across a photo taken of him within the past four years, I'm struck by the bewilderment on his face, as if he were trying to puzzle out what was happening to him.
My DH has never said anything to make me realize that he knows what's going on. We can sit in the doctor's office and discuss his condition and he will sit there with a smile on his face. He is always asking me how old am I and when I tell him 88, I guess he thinks that is his problem. Now, if those men who are in the mirror would go home things would be a lot easier here. As far as he is concerned everything is fine and I guess that is a good thing.
Marilyn the closest my DW would come to talking about AZ was to say "I cannot live like this." One time though she did say "I think I have Alzheimer's." At this point she has difficulty putting together more than a couple of words and in most instances I’m not sure what she is saying.
Marilyn, my husband has FTD and he never refers to having dementia unless I force him to admit he has more than the "memory problems" he admits to. It was at one time important to me that he acknowledge that he actually had dementia, but it's not important to me anymore.
DH will tell anyone and everyone he meets he has ALZ. He has never said the word 'dementia', however. He will sometimes talk about ALZ and always says he knows there is nothing to be done for him. So very sad. I wish he didn't know or understand. I think it would be easier for both of us.
Vickie, right from the dx my DH refused to believe that anything was wrong (let alone a memory problem!) I always thought that if he would just admit to himself that he had dementia, it would help him accept it. Now I know that it wouldn’t matter. His brain doesn’t work that way. Now at this stage in the game (he is late stage 5) I’m actually glad that he seems oblivious. I do think that down deep he knows that “something” is wrong, but he has never said, “Honey, what is wrong with me?” In our case, now I’m glad that he doesn’t know.
My DH would often ask, "Why am I taking this medicine"... I'd reply, it's to help your memory problems, - He NEVER said Alzheimer's Disease one time in five years... and never said Dementia. The few times I'd bring it up, he'd quickly say, "I don't want to talk about such Nonsense!". Mostly, he just drifted off silently into the abyss. I wished so much he would talk to me about it, about how he felt, and ..well - just say SOMETHING about the changes. Never did happen!
My DH will tell people he has dementia but not Alzheimers. Just the other night, he had fallen asleep. He started talking in his sleep, he said "I think I have dementia....no wait I already knew that". It was so sad that he was dreaming about it. I want to cry. I just put my arm around him and he seemed to fall into a deep sleep. This is all just so sad.
I am finding my husband telling people he has Alzheimer's then explains that he can't remember or do the things he use to because he can't remember how to. Having watch his dad go thru it he is very aware of what is happening to him.
Jeff thinks he's fine. He acknowledges that he has a diagnosis of AD, and accepts that diagnosis as the reason he may no longer work or drive, but he seems to have lost any sort of awareness of his impairment.
So, no matter what he struggles with (clothes, seatbelts, doors, etc) he just seems to react like "that's the darndest thing...wonder why these [whatevers] are so hard to work these days?," but does not connect it at all with there being something wrong with him.
Sandra knows she is having problems, and needs help with every detail of her life. She will tell people that she has AD and that she needs help with tasks. She has kept a very positive attitude and knows that she is totally dependant. I struggle with having to do everything and trying to pace myself to her is quite trying.
My DH is also very aware of his problem. He talks about "this problem with my mind" and about the things he can't do anymore, especially driving. He asked me today did I think he would ever get any better. I was honest and said probably not because we're getting older and our bodies and minds wear out. Then he said "I need to think about what I can still do instead of what I can't. Exactly...that's what we have to do.
My DH has never acknowledged that he has any problems. Early on when he was getting lost and his driving was an issue I tried to talk to him about it but he adamantly refused to admit anything was wrong. He still is hoping to get his license back! He is late stage 6 and wears himself out covering up his dx.
In any conversation with friends and family -- if the meeting is longer than 15 minutes, DH will invariably inform them "You realize that I have a mild to medium (looks at me, then asks 'moderate?') memory loss, don't you?" All day he is so sweet and keeps saying "I don't know what I would do without you." He used to be a very hard-driving workaholic, but now he has turned into this very sweet guy and everyone just loves him. Finding this site just this week was a Godsend to me, because now I know that most of the things are the disease. He spends so much time in bed -- I think just for escape from the reality of it all. He was an avid fly fisherman and fly tier, loved camping and backpacking all over the Pacific Northwest. He did beautiful woodworking as well, built beautiful oak fly tying boxes/tables, which he either sold or gave to friends -- very limited editions. He always joked that they were not portable, but "luggable."
My husband never talks about his dementia but often states he's not disabled.
A tip the neurolgoist shared is to tell DH he's getting 'a check up from the neck up' when we go to the neurologist. It seems to work and DH ask no questions before or after the appointment. DH never seems to get frustrated even thoughhe now requires single step instruction for most everything. Strange that he needs constant direction but can ALWAYSremember that he's not driving (cause I won't let him). Strange disease and I HATE it.
I am finding that hb tells everyone he talks to in the park he has short term memory loss of AD. Thankfully they are gone in a day or two but if they come into the office and I am there they will say something like 'you are Art's wife, he told me about his memory problems'. I just say 'yes', smile and go on avoiding the discussion. I am working to have a break from AD, not talk about it there - unless they bring up they are personally touched by it which no one has yet.
My DH seems to be unaware of the fact that he has alzheimer's. Never comments about not remembering anything. I can talk to our doctor with him sitting there and he just smiles and does not understand what we are talking about. He never did like to talk about any one's illness or problems before he developed this disease. He tells me sometimes "I am an educated man. I finished at 3 colleges". Fact is attended one college for classes while in the air force, another one until he was drafted and Alabama after he came home from the service.