I'm at my wits end, has anyone brought their LO home from a NH because he/she was so unhappy. My DH is so depressed he says he just wants to die, the NH where he is is a long way from me and even though I visit 3 times a week, it is not enough to keep him happy. Also the NH, in the closed section which has about 18 patients, there is not one person that he can have a conversation with, they are all further along the journey than he is. He is blind, wanders both day and night and generally needs to be in a NH, but one where he has some quality of life. I am very nervous about bringing him home as I don't have any support to help me. Has anyone struck this problem, I just don't have any peace of mind with him so unhappy and depressed.
Maybe try to find a home that has a dementia unit....very often there is a program specifically for the residents to offer supervised activities throughout the day, such as art and music therapy, day trips, etc. Sounds like he would benefit from such a residence.
Thanks for the comments, much appreciated. I have thought long and hard about bringing DH home and yesterday I picked him up and he wandered around all night, so I have spoken to the DON of the NH and arranged for him to be brought home Wednesday and Thursday nights. He goes to Day Care here on those days, so that would be something for him to look forward to, and he may settle better. We don't have any half way houses here, as we live in a country town, but I still pray for the day that one the two facilities here will have a bed for him. it's a lot of driving back and forth !!
Sylvia, how long has he been in the NH? It took a long time for my DH to settle in at his facility but now after almost 8 months he is settled and his meds have been adjusted to where he is alert but no longer agitated. It was a long difficult haul, but has proven to be the right place for him.
Weejun, good to see you posting. In what way did your DH have trouble settling in? Did he always want to come home with you? (I'm worried about this.) And how about your own adjustment?
Jeamette. like you, I worried about whether DH would adjust to the ALF. It took awhile, but with the right meds, he's now happy as a clam there. He feels that it's his home and wants to live there the rest of his life. I sure never even hoped it would work out this well, especially after the early attempts to escape, the agitation and agression, etc. Hang in there, it'll all work out for you.
I had the same thing happen to me with my hb. He was in a nursing home and he would beg me to bring him home. I couldn't take the guily anymore so I brought him home. His health was getting worse at the nursing home and he looked like death. A few days after he got home he looked so much better but it still took him about a month to fully recover and get his strength back. At least now I don't feel so guilty but I'm always exhausted. Like you, I have no one to help me care for him. I am so angry with both our families who have not offered to lend a hand or even make a phone call to see if he is alive. Hang in there. Do what feels right for you.
Has anyone's DH/DW ever got over the sundowning and the night wanders - I brought DH home for the two nights but didn't have any sleep with him and the sundowning was very bad too. He gets very depressed with the sundowning, and even though he's on Seroquel, it doesn't appear to make much difference for him.
I brought my husband home from the ALF on March 12th. He was sundowning terrible, no sleep until maybe around 4:00 in the morning. I called the doctor explained what was going on, she prescribed Trazadone, 50 mg. at bedtime, however, if that didn't help 100 mg. 50 didn't do a thing, however, 100 mg. does help. He still is very restless until the medication takes effect, but, thankfully, he is sleeping better. He is also on Klonopin, which is suppose to help with sundowning.