It happened this morning...I knew it was likely to, and it still hit me like a ton of bricks! My 62 year old husband of nearly 43 years looked at me and asked "who are you to me?" I didn't get what he meant. "Are you my mother?" "My sister?" No, I said, I'm your wife. "Wife!?" he said, seeming to doubt he knew he'd ever had one. The conversation was over.

I have thought about it over and over today and wondered why it came as such a shock. It just felt awful.I feel fairly certain he will still remember I am his wife some of the time; but it somehow feels like the undeniable sign I am truly losing him.Maybe tomorrow it won't feel quite as awful as it has felt today. I just needed to share with people who will understand how terrible a blow that one statement is.

Marge

Marge, I can understand your hurting. My husband has not known me for at least a year or so. In the morning when he wants to get up I will hear "Mom, Mom". Sometimes I am his sister. A long time ago, he wanted to make love. I was sure that he was seeing me as his wife. After starting he looked at me an said he could not continue. It was not me he was seeing. Very, very sad state of affairs. As long as my DH sees me as someone who loves him and he sees me as someone that he loves, I really don't care who I am. A long time ago when he was not seeing me as his wife he asked me my name. I told him. Now he believes that his caregiver and wife have the same name. I also told him that there would never be a time that he would be alone. When he believes that I am working he knows that his caregiver (with the same name as me) will be there with him. I have not worked for 2 years but he just doesn't realize that. I just try to keep him in the state of happy camper.

I never thought it would happen so soon in the course of this disease. The first time he didn't me was when we had gone back up to NY. It happened both going north and coming back home. I blamed it partly on the confusion and change of the trip. But recently he has looked at me quizzically and said, "Jean Marie?" (not my name) and after I told him my name he asked me to write it down on a piece of paper so he could remember. I later found the piece of paper on the floor. Now sometimes he knows I'm his wife but not my name and sometimes I'm the "lovely woman" who takes care of him.

I have to agree that as awful as it is to care for someone with this disease, it makes it ten times worse when they don't even know that it's you taking care of them. It makes it seem all the more pointless! It makes you realize how truly confused they are and that there are so many other things that they don't know.

Sally said "Now he believes that his caregiver and wife have the same name. "

Mine, too, sometimes. It doesn't happen all the time and it doesn't seem to make much difference in the way he behaves to me. He never doesn't know who our daughter is (she lives with us). And he CERTAINLY never forgets the name of our favorite cat, CHIMICHANGA!! The leader at the support group said he can't recognize me because he's regressed back to the time when he was young and I don't look like I did then. I'm not so sure of that.

Try asking what HIS name is. His SSN, his birthdate, his siblings' names. I bet he'll have forgotten some of them at the same time he doesn't know YOU. (but when he is in a lull, he'll know them all)

My DH usually knows if hes looking at me my name but not that i am his wife- lately i have seen him calling the chihuahua my name or calling me hers:) its fine and now the sting has worn off. today he has a UTI and i am waiting for dr to call me back for meds. he is always more confused when hes got any little infection. divvi
and yes, that first loss of recognition is a stab in the heart.

My DW still knows me and frequently tells me that she loves me. But last week our son, whom she had not seen for one year, came into the daycare center. She just continued working on the jigsaw puzzle, showing no recognition. Later, when he visited us in our apartment, she seemed to know who he was. I guess I'm in line for the problems you all are having.

My husband is in the early stages of the disease and, until three nights ago, had never exhibited to me the kind of behavior you have been describing. That night we both had trouble falling asleep. He got up, put on his robe and left the bedroom. After a while I decided to check on him. He was standing in the dark and told me he was confused about who he was and who I was. I told him his name and mine. When I told him I was his wife he said I was not tall enough. He wanted to know how we met and if we were really married, etc. I talked a little about our wedding (39 yrs ago), hugged him and told him I love him. After a while we returned to bed. Things had been relatively calm lately so this really threw me for a loop. No doubt a preview of what's to come in the future!

At this point, this is what frightens me the most, even more than death. Only once has Lynn forgotten my name. It was the night my dad died. I just couldn’t be consoled. I cried, screamed, ranted and cried more.
The poor man was beside himself. He kept rubbing my back, my leg, trying to comfort me… at one point he said, I don’t know your name, but I know I love you with all my heart. Poor bugger, he was just too upset by my grief, he has never forgot my name again.

But, he has forgotten his daughters name on several occasions., and has said a few times he didn’t have a daughter. She was heart broken, to say the least. He hasn’t forgotten his boys, but perhaps that is because they live here and he seems them more than once a year? Not often, but more than that. She has since made a photo album of her, dedicated to her dad… I show it to him often. I have other albums I have made of different eras of his life, our life… and share these with him as well. Friends he use to know well, he can’t recall their names at all.

The short term memory is zero, but Major life events, he is losing as well. For example, someone mentioned his kids mother, he was very confused, and said I don’t know what you are talking about! I have only ever been married to Nikki. He confuses many things, like his sister has lived in CA for the past 50 years, but he still thinks she is at the lake where they grew up, and is shocked every time she says she lives in CA. It is all so damn sad.

I can’t imagine how those of you, who your husband has forgotten you… carry on. I am praying this never happens to us. To lose them in pieces, is hard enough. To be lost to them forever….I can’t imagine too much worse. *sigh

In the past two years there have been two times when my husband didn't know who I was. The first time he thought I was his mother (she died several years ago). I was very calm that time. The second time when he asked me who I was, I went to pieces and cried and cried. He is the type who is always concerned about me but that didn't seem to bother him at all. That's been a year ago. Sometimes I see him looking at me rather strange but he doesn't say anything.

I am so sorry Mary. If you don't ming my asking, what stage is your husband in? I know each Alzheimer's patient is different, but I was wondering if this is something that happens in stage 7? Lynn is in late stage 6, with few early 7 traits. He still can talk well also. I hope, if this ever happens to me... I can "adjust" as you have. *sigh

Lynn doesn't have the aphasia, so I know very little about it. I tend to skim over that part of in the research I do. Perhaps because I don't want to face it, unless I have to. It must be so hard on him, and you! I keep thinking I couldn't handle that, or his not knowing who I am........... but then, I said that about each and every stage thus far. And here I am, handling it! So, I guess I can. I just hope I can do it with as much love and compassion as you do! Thanks~Nikki

My name is Clare. Our neighbor across the street is also Clare.

The CNA who comes most is roughly my same coloring and size. He often talks to me as if I am her, saying Clare wants me to do this, Clare wants me to do that. I say, "*I* am Clare... and he looks at me amused, like I'm pulling his leg, and says there are a lot of Clares around here!

He never forgets our daughter's name. He never forgets the cats' names although now we've acquired a second blue point rescue who does look very much like Chimi, our earlier one. That one's still in quarantine until his testerone levels go down after getting snipped, so lord knows what'll happen to recognition then!