After going around and around in circles about trying to have my husband placed........without any type of health expect being told to start OVER again..........I just don't know what to do.
Has anyone considered talking your spouse to the hospital and just saying.......you do it for awhile? Is this considered Elder Abuse? At this point, jail might be a relief for me!
I don't know if a hospital would even agree to do this nor do I know if it would be elder abuse. My husband is not in need of placement but that said, there are days that I would like to run away..In fact I just told him today when he was a wee bit argumentative with me that I was thinking of sending him in May to VA while one of the girls is back from overseas and let him visit with them for a couple of weeks or at least 10 days...and let them find out first hand what I deal with on a day to day basis..... Yep but with my luck I would find my face plastered on a milk carton as a kidnapped wife not a run away...lol.
I don't know what resources you've tried to help you with this process, but here are a few which MAY be helpful. Area office on aging, they have social workers who may be able to help you, the alzheimers association - they will have a list of alf/nursing homes, the leader of a local alzheiers support group (typically a social worker), the social worker at the hospital, you could hire a geriatric care manager (costs vary but they charge about $150.00/hr). I even called and visited local ALFs and asked the directors what facilities they would recommend if DH wasn't a suitable candidate for their facility. At the end of the day, you will still have to visit and talk with the staff to see if the place is appropriate for your DH. I know this is time consuming, frustrating and exhausting because I did this 2.5 years ago.
Hospitals won't admit him unless there's another medical condition he needs treated. Hopefully one of my suggestions will be something you haven't tried before.
LKL.........I've done all of the above.......for the last 4 years. Most likely it is my fault. I make sure he looks his best everytime. He has the PCA variant of AD and for some reason, no one in this state has ever heard of such a thing......So, he still can sound fine on the phone or almost carry on a conversation.
We live in a small state, but I have looked into every NH and ALF. He has long past the care they could provide for him with ALF. I am in contact with ,every day, if not travelling the state looking at places. This is become more difficult as my husband tends to hit me while I'm driving.
Because my husband will recieve LTD for another 14 months, we are not eligible for any medicaid programs. Seems to throw us out everytime........and is the only way we can pay for our mortgage. Guess it won't last for much longer.
Have met with 3 social workers.........We only have one in our area. At least the one out of area was concerned that I might not make it as long as my husband.
In a little town, no one believes that the friendly pharmacist could possibly have this disease. And gosh, what if it is contagious? I tend to still put on a happy face while in public, but the wrinkles on my face are starting to make that impossible.
Our health system has changed so much.........Long gone are the days that your own doctor admitted you to the hospital. Now it is a doctor hired for who knows where and will keep him for 2.5 days.
Who would have thought this would happen to us/you? Not me, that's for sure.........Sure would have considered LTC when he was 40!
AnnMW1157, I understand how you feel, yesterday I told a friend of mine that I just want him to "GO AWAY" I don't know where I expect him to go because everywhere I turn "they" say that he is not bad enough for me to" put" him anywhere yet. So I guess where he gets put is with me. I know that respite is a good key in survival. Respite for us on a regular basis not just every once in a while.
Joan.......thank you for posting that website.... It can also be found by searching for Bensons syndrome.
Deb...You are so right. The thing is with my husband is that both his neuro and PC think he should be in a nursing home. In fact, I was told that almost 2 years ago. It is unfortunate that the people who make these decisions are not well-versed in AD and/or its variants. No one will even take him for respite. It all comes down to money.........and we don't have it, but I guess because of his younger age and the fact he will receive LTD until 65, we are supposed to have enough. ARGH!
How old is he? Medicare age? Some doctors will admit them to the hospital for a meds adjustment then after three days he can go to a nursing home for up to ninety days on Medicare. If he's hitting you he needs a mess adjustment that's for sure!
Ann--have you spoken with a financial planner? This may sound a little strange, but what I am wondering is whether it might be advangtageous to actually stop (refuse) the long-term disability payments so that he can qualify for Medicaid. You say that you are using those payments for your mortgage--perhaps you could do a reverse mortgage and handle it that way? A good financial planner plus an elderlaw attorney who specializes in Medicaid eligibility should be able to advise you.
My hb has been in a facility for a med adjustment for several weeks now and he has never hit me. I agree with Briegull that you need to look into this option asap if he is that aggressive.
P. S. Ann--just wondering, does your husband receive social security disability? I thought LTD policies stop paying when the individual qualifies for social security.
I also though LTD policies stopped paying when you qualify for SS. When my husband started collected on his long term disability policy, we were required to file with Social Security for disability. The monthly payment was then lower by what Social Security pays him. We will receive a small check from the LTD until he turns 65. That small check covers my husband's supplement insurance.
My husband had a private LTD policy and it paid in full until the day he died. He also collected his full amount on his Social Security disability. The payments from the LTD policy were tax free because it was a private policy. Thank goodness he had the foresight to purchase that policy when he was 40.....he started collecting on it when he was 50 and he died at 61.
Yes, my husband receives LTD through his former employer and once he was approved for SSD, that number was adjusted. The LTD pays for our housing at this point. As far as reverse mortgages, we both have to be 62. Husband is 63 and I am 54.
I've thought about perhaps there was a way to cancel the LTD, but not sure that would be a good thing either. I have to think that something could change before he is 65 and the house could be sold at a reasonable price. Why I think this way?????????? I haven't a clue.
At least my son is due home this week. He is interviewing in NY and hopefully his next stop will be home!