Dh and I aren't young; I am 79, he is 84. I can see problems began about 4 years ago, mostly with communication. Can't come up with the right words. Hard to make out what he is talking about. Kids are patient when around but that isn't often. Reasoning is gone. My mathmetician/engineer husband can't even hang a picture anymore. I am not sure he can even tell time. Our roles have reversed. I read all your blogs and they are like a window of my future. I pray I can do as much for my dh as you all do. Gave up driving easily. Says he is losing his mind. True. His retaliation is concerning food. Doesn't like meat of any kind anymore but will eat plain veggies, bread and sweets. I have learned to make a nutritious soup with meat which I pulverize to a dust, mixed veggies and beef broth plus noodles. I can still carve time out for myself each day but it is getting harder as he follows me around and hovers. I can still leave him along but don't do it for a very long time His sleeping patterns are changing. Doing my best is tough.
dh was never tested professionally but the internist and I agreed that since dh was aware of his problems, we would try Aricept followed by Namenda. Well, dh discontinued those meds because of side effects of horrible nightmares and stomach problems. Then the exelon patch was used. DH tolerated it well but after a short time he wouldn't use it. I told the dr. who asked me if I noticed he was worse when discontinued. To be honest, I couldn't say it had been effective. Dr. then said it probably didn't do any good. Now dh is on nothing except his heart meds, crestor and seems to function well. Kids came from out of state w/grandkids last week and dh had a tough time with the noise, door slamming, toilet seat dropping, etc. I was so glad for the distraction. I just don't pay any attention to the complaints of dh. Always had a critical nature like the rest of his family. Once they think a certain way, can't change their mind. I was trying to pay bills and he was hovering over me and complaining about something. I asked him to please hang it up until I was finished. He looked at me and said, "I am very disappointed at the way you turned out." I wanted to tell him I wasn't too crazy about the way he turned out either but I kept my mouth shut. Tomorrow is another day.
Welcome to my website. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
We have a great group of caring spousese here. They will be along soon to welcome you.
Shirley, a warm and loving welcome. You have come to a great place to rant, vent, ask questions get good advice from those who are also traveling this horrible road.
Shirley, another warm welcome. You have come to a place of great understanding and information. Read, vent, ask questions....whatever you are comfortable with.
My husband is 61 and was diagnosed with FTD in 2008 and I'm 52.
shirley, welcome to your new virtual family. Please feel free to come back often to vent, cry, ask questions & share all your problems with us, we understand. We have either been there or will be shortly.
welcome shirley. there are plenty of folks here into the 70-80's group. many here walking behind you or in front of you or have already crossed over in their journeys. many just starting out too. happy to have you here and hope to see you entering in on any of the discussions. posting is therapeutic.. :) so is screaming to folks who understand. us. divvi
Shirley, <<<hugs>>>> to you for what you are facing. SOme of us have been dealing with this for years and others are new at it but we all have this dx. in common.
Welcome, Shirley...we are all happy to meet you but would that it were under different circumstances. You will find a lot of help here..we are all at different stages and none of the feelings you are experiencing are wrong or any different than any of us have gone through. I gather from your post, you have not yet had your husband diagnosed with the particular memory impairment he suffers. The general consensus here would be that you do and if not too late there are meds that can help, we hope for some, stabalize the memory..sometimes it works other time no. What you shared is very common to all of us. I found the eating issues you face very similar to mine..hubby has almost no interest in meat of any kind though he will eat about two forkfulls of it. The soups idea is great and I think I'll try your method. And the sweets..he loves the sweets now whereas he used to prefer fruits..not interested in that now...
Shirley,I too would say you need to find out from a specialist what might be wrong. Before you do that you should look into getting Long Term Care insurance, once you have a diagnosis you will not be able to get the insurance.
Welcome, Shirley. In the circumstances we're in, it's a great place to find help for the journey: info, share ideas and yes, vent if we want. Be sure all your legal papers are in order: living will, power of attorney, ltc.
Welcome, Shirley! So glad you found us. I hope you come back often to vent, rant, explode, whatever you need. We understand! Sorry you're here, but it is truly one of the best places to be!
Welcome, Shirley! We hope to offer you a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent, answers to any questions from those of us who have been there, and friendship.....
Comment Author shirley Comment Time 3 hours ago edit delete
FROM SHIRLEY:
You can't imagine how good I feel just reading all your heartwarming welcomes. I received more in one day than any encouragement from my own family. I can sense their reasoning. "Mom married Dad so it is her job to take care of him." Three sons are out of state but they check in often. Two daughters in state but they just don't want to accept what I tell them about their dad so unless they ask, I don't say anything. One of my neighbors is on the local board of Alzheimer's Assn. and has offered his services any time. Nothing much anyone can do. Can't get into dh's head and change his way of thinking (or not thinking). Joined Netflix and I find he can't understand any complicated story line or flashbacks in movie so we are reduced to watching Disney or romantic movies. Looks at the newspaper and I doubt if he comprehends anything. Once in a while I will ask what he thought about a major event and he doesn't know what I am talking about. Life goes on. I am looking into a support group in the area that meets once a month. Hopefully spring is on the way. I have been pretty housebound this terrible winter and that has added to my discomfort. Thank you all again.
I noticed that you started a new discussion in order to answer this one. Writing on the boards takes a little getting used to. All you have to do is make sure you are signed in, click on the title of the discussion, and scroll down to the bottom to add your comments where it says "Enter your Comments". When finished, hit the "add your comments" button on the bottom.
Shirley--act on your neighbor's offer to help and see if he will come and visit with your husband (or take him out) on a regular basis. If you don't already know it, the only way we caregivers can survive this role is to get sufficient breaks (respite time) away from caregiving duties. If he's on the Alz Assn board, he could be a great asset to you because he already "gets it". And do go to the support group--hopefully, it will be a big help to you.
I notice whenever my dh naps, he wakes up confused. One time he asked where I was. Another time he asked if I had put out the dog. In all our 56 yrs. of marriage, we never had a dog. Today he asked if everyone had gone home. I reply that he and I are alone. When my dh has his physical at the end of April, I will ask the dr. to give him some sort of mental test. I don't think he will do very well. Doesn't know how to even use a phone now let alone remember his phone no. or house number.
Do any of you notice this type of confusion after napping?
He loved his job and continued to work until he was almost 75. I waited patiently for the retirement years when we could live "just for us" Now dh won't travel, too afraid to leave comfort of his home. Live each day to the fullest before it is taken away from you. Our lives are nothing but "hellos and goodbyes."
shirley, my DH absolutely cannot think clearly upon waking. I have to give him a good 5 minutes to adjust to the here and now.
I'm so sorry the retirement you've looked forward to will not materialize. But just because your husband cannot participate, does not mean you should abandon all your hopes and dreams. Do you have some girl friends or family you can travel with? Leave your husband, and your guilt, with someone else, and pack a bag and go! I was just talking to a friend yesterday about this. She wants to go on an Alaskan cruise, but not with her DH who has AD. I completely get that. But she was planning on waiting until he was further along and wouldn't notice what she was doing (since the cruise had always been "their dream."). I urged her not to wait - there is never going to be a "good" time - she will always be able to find an excuse not to go. At some point you have to forget the guilt, and don't ask DH, just inform him.
I recently read a good article about the importance of respite: http://www.caring.com/articles/family-caregiver-respite
I think taking a vacation without DH would be the best form of respite (assuming you have the finances).
shirley - you say he is on crestor. beware that statin drugs can also cause memory loss. My hb was one that had severe reaction to it - by the third day he could not remember who he had spent it with (was training a guy) or what he did. I researched and threw them away. Two days and he was fine. There is an astronaut that experienced memory loss on one of the statins - after 6 months he didn't recognize his wife. After going off he was fortunate to regain most of his memory -many do not. He now crusades against them, especially the high dosage that doctors put patients on.
Welcome, Shirley. You've already discovered that you've come to a good place. Your unspoken thought about "not being too crazy about the way he turned out" gave me a good chuckle to start this Friday. Many of your descriptions of your husband's condition are indeed very familiar. A tip for preparing for your doctor's appointments. Write down some of the things your dh has done and said and give it to the doctor before the appointement, so that he will have a better idea of his mental functioning.