My husband who is still fairly active and short term memory is still in denial that anything is wrong with him even after been told by his doctors he has dementia. He is very stubborn and believe he is going to be the same person he once was. I keep hearing everyday that he's just a normal human being and has just gone through a rough period in his life and will bounce back. How long will he be in denial? He refused to admit anything is wrong with him. Does this ever stop and he finally admits he has a disease? He says he does not have alz/dementia and that he was always a forgetful person. I get so tired of hearing the same old stories and his denial about everything. I understand it's part of the illness but does anybody admit to the illness. He drives me nuts. Any advise.
One more thing, he sure sleeps alot is this part of the disease. He never remembers if he got a good nights sleep or not. Sometimes he says he didn't sleep at all when all night all I hear is snoring. Can anyone relate to this?
Lee, some dementia sufferers are very much aware of their disease, some of them are aware part of the time, and some (like my dh) are NEVER aware of it. Then it is actually part of the disease, the lack of insight into one's own condition. It is called anosognosia and is not the same as denial, which is a wilful unwillingness to recognize a known condition. I have brought one of the thread on it ttt (to the top) for you.
Same goes for the sleeping: some patients are awake all night and some (like my dh) sleep a lot. My dh needs at least 12 hours every night and happily sleeps 14 or 15 when I can let him sleep. Make the most of your time off and let him sleep!
As far as not knowing if he got a good night's sleep - it is related to memory. My husband has no short term memory. If he falls asleep in his chair in the den, I will often wake him up after a couple of hours. Later on, he will insist he did not take a nap. He just can't remember doing it. In your husband's case, I'm sure he has no idea whether he slept or not.
My Dh has never acknowledged the dx that is taking him. He does not have a clue what is going on. When it was early on I tried to talk to him about his symptoms but it just didn't sink in so I gave up.
I just finished explaining to DH our income tax situation.... Talking about logic.. I still have not gotten the message over to him that April 17th an amount needs to be paid along with the first quarterly estimates.. I explained this every which way, none of it sunk in.. This man was a math genus, two degrees and graduated magna cum luade... It is so hard to watch him when now he doesn't have a clue..Naturally,in his eyes, I am not handling finances well here and the rage and yelling starts... On these evenings, I sleep locked in my room..He can't remember anything else but with THIS he will follow me around for a week .. Denial,Anosognosia, whatever we name it,,, it IS rough dealing with it..DH does not remember where he puts things, blames me when he can't find the things HE's hidden...and tonight when I again, mentioned that maybe we should see another dr. about his rage.. Well, you know where that got me...I'm tired..
Peggy, I don't have experience in the way your DH is acting, but I do know one thing. Do not, repeat, do not, try to explain things to him. He cannot or will not digest it and remember everything. Just go ahead and do whatever you need to do regarding your income taxes. Hopefully, you have all your legal ducks in in a row?
I hope you can get him to the doctor and perhaps a change in medication?
Two years ago DH was refusing to be evaluated, said there was nothing wrong with him. Today he's been in an ALF for six months and even the long-term memory is almost completely gone. It can go from one stage to the next so very fast. His personality is mostly very compliant due to the meds he's on and he knows that he belongs there where he can be cared for.
Peggy--I agree with Vickie and I do have experience with anger. I learned the hard way that there was no point in discussing things like taxes, etc. My husband was a CPA and it just irritated him that I was encroaching on "his" territory. You say your husband was a math genius, so your trying to talk to him about taxes is probably rubbing salt into the wounds and reminding him of all he is losing. Why make it harder on both of you? Just take care of what needs to be done if you can or go to an accountant if you need help.
Adding to the count, MY DH never believed he had Alzheimer's. He thought the new meds were making him feel "un-necessary". Till the day he died, he never spoke the word "Alzheimer's". Don't make it such a big deal. Also...need to mention that he slept 12 hours a night and often dozed in his chair. He seemed to need more sleep as the disease progressed.
My DH is in total denial. I know a lot of that is the anosognosia - he's unaware that there is something wrong, so he doesn't realize he needs to take corrective action. But some of it is denial. He has a neuropsych report which in black and white spells out his condition, and he still insists that's all a mistake, there is nothing wrong with him. That's denial as far as I am concerned.
He also sleeps a lot. I think there are two reasons for the sleeping. First, the disease is fatiguing. Second, I think it is a way for them to escape. I'll never forget the day my world class problem solving husband said to me in the middle of one afternoon, "Things aren't going well at work. I'm going to bed." That was one of those moments of solid confirmation - something's worng here!
I had a friend who's husband died of EOAD 5 years after diagnosis. He never acknowledged he had Alzheimer's.
Thank you all for your comments. I feel much better knowing that I am not alone. This disease is so scary you never know what to expect. What ever happened to enjoying "those golden years"?
Interesting discussion. My DH also will tell anyone who asks how he is, friend or doctor, that " I feel fine. I don't hurt anywhere". I notice that now he is sleeping about 12 hours a night..how restful it is I am not sure. I also catch him taking a nap now and then during his tv watching time..though he will say he does not take any naps. His eating is way off..just not hungry and should not eat when not hungry..except he is diabetic and needs to keep those sugars on an even keel. He watches TV but I am not sure how much he understands. I do know he does not recognize that when the AMC station finishes one movie it repeats it and DH thinks he has not seen it and you can't convince him he has seen it already that it just ended. I also notice he is asking what words mean..tonight I said the events in Japan have been horrific and he asked what horrific meant. This is starting to surface more often now...within say the past couple of months.
This is so sad and makes me furious at what is happening to our LOs.
Thanks all, I feel better... It seems such a betrayal to NOT cover these issues with DH.. Now, thru encouragement from you all, I know that anything of import will be my job and my secret... Absolutely right too.. It does him no good and certainly I don't need,yet, another put down over any of this... I'll just trudge ahead doing it MY WAY.. Hope all your days are better... Peggy
Peggy I sometimes feel like I'm betraying DH just bring part of this this group.I am okay with them sleeping a lot. I feel we need this time to help us cope.
Ann, I'm conditioning myself, i guess to feel less guilt in doing things just for me..I take walks, go for quick coffee breaks and know that whatever happens most likely would have happened even if I were sitting by him... They are like children... You're doing your best...After that, look after yourself..We, caregivers must remain strong, what ever it takes to do that..
Boy could I add to this discussion. However, you have covered it well. If you tell them, they make it hell and if you don't tell them and they find out, they make it hell.
I wish I could meet you all... What an uplifting experience that would be to take time just to converse with those that are traveling the same road...My dad had a saying" dammed if you do and dammed if you don't".... right now DH is on the phone with our broker and is saying he wants them to figure a way for me to not to get any money... Now that's a kicker...Fortunately, They are working for ME and anything he says , they clear it all thru me first...I can see real problems if I had not, earlier taken steps to inform them of the situation and of course, one visit with him and they KNOW what's going on...He's simply not making sense.. sorry, didn't mean to get off on all this but.. know, all of you, that were it not for venting with you, I'd not be able to manage as well as I do...
Peggy, don’t be sorry for venting & telling us what is going on. We all do it & that’s why we are here. My DH doesn’t & never did think anything is wrong with him. I’m fortunate that he never fought me on money matters. We invested a little money with our friend who is a financial advisor & now DH thinks he handles all our money matters
Peggy... so glad you got your financial things in order. The stories that have been told on here of things that the spouses have done or tried to do to financial matters is unreal. And, usually the things the spouses do are so unlike the person they once were. I am so glad I took the advise of others and hired a elder attorney and have all this taken care of and have little worry about financial matters now that I have enough other things to do and to be worried about.