Well I'm sitting here in the hotel lobby alone without my husband. He's in the hotel room having a bad day with his dementia. My sons and I needed a vacation just to get away but we had to bring my husband. I had no other place to leave him. We haven't really had a good time because he gets tired of walking and not motivated to do anything other than sit down. My sons and I can't really go anywhere for fear he might take off and get lost. I guess taking a vacation wasn't such a good idea.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore to get a little peace mentally from this dementia and his mood swings. I get so frustrated I want to just scream. I would love to have a civil conversation with another adult. My sons are teenagers and of course do not want to hang around with their mom. I feel so alone in the world. My family is non-existent. Friends seem to stay away ever since my husband was diagnosed with dementia. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I find it hard to be positive and that my life will consist of just taking care of my husband and nothing more. Any advise from anyone.
Lee is it possible for you to hire a sitter sort to stay with your husband in the room? so you and sons can do something? you can explain it to the hotel concierge to see if they can help you. i resorted to this on more than one night when we went on our last beach vacation with my BIL/SIL. i hired a lady thru the hotel to sit or walk with DH so he wouldnt wander off. took him to the bar for a drink and generally just entertained him for a couple hrs. and at night can sit in room and order food for him and help him eat and watch movies in the room. just a thought so you dont have to sit in the hotel with him. they have this service for kids in most hotels but i didnt have any issues with DH hiring someone. divvi
I'm glad you brought this up, as I may be facing the same situation next November. I have a cruise booked, only because it was dirt cheap (living in Florida, I drive to the port - no airfare). We are going with one other Alzheimer couple, but they are part of a big group from their "over 55" community. I was talking to my sister about it, saying that as a couple, Sid and I are not going to have a good time. We can't do much together, and I'm afraid to leave him at the pool by himself while I go sight seeing. Still working that one out.
In your case, I would suggest you and your sons put your heads together and figure a way to "take turns". Your husband probably isn't going to have a great time, but you and your sons can. Maybe one son can stay with your husband while you and the other one go out. Then switch. The other son stay with your husband and you go out with the other one. Then you stay with your husband, so the two boys can go out together. It's not ideal, but when AD is involved, we have to be flexible and cooperative with one another.
i dont know if its just the cruise line we used or all cruises but there was a question when booking about any 'handicap or mental issues' that would impair DH from being able to follow drills or emergency instructions on the cruise. i was iffy about that part. if i would be rendered incapacitated i was sure DH woudnt be able to follow on his own. its wny i made sure the BIL/SIL would be there just in case but as you know during drills you have a muster station area you have to be in and its not always together. make SURE you have cabins that are in the same area onboard is my recommendation. just leaving my DH in the room with a balcony caused me alot of stress so i couldnt do that. i worried constantly that he would get lost or worse into trouble. i didnt enjoy the last cruise much due to constant worry. its imperative to have help if they cant be left alone. divvi
Lee0012 If you want to get out, ask the hotel if they have a wheel chair you can borrow. I did that when went to DC it was just too much walking for DW and I want to see as much of the Smithsonian as we could. Your sons should be able to help push him. It sound like your DH may need to be on meds for his mood swings. I think family does not know how to deal with it other than not.
The past couple of years I have been able to get my brother in law and daughter no 3 to come stay with my DH while I went on holiday with daughter no2. I had two people who knew the ropes and that are completely trustworthy so I went off with my cell phone with a SIM card so I could call home from Europe!
Can you plan a vacation of some length whereby you can get completely away from the house for a few days? Take your cell phone and call once a day to just check in and beyond that just get away to a new environment..take the kids, go with a friend. You don't have to go to Europe ( the middle girl lives there) but you could go somewhere and do some site seeing or shopping or if you like museums or opera...
I know this is hard and I hope to get out this year but I am not sure about it this time..as the disease gets more advanced I have less confidence in getting away.
I agree with Joan..holidays of any kind with a LO with ALZ . We can go somewhere, see interesting sights and by evening we can't even share the day's event because he does not even recall that we went anywhere. Heck we can't even talk about the quake in Japan because he does not recall that or that the west coast was given tsunami warnings.....same with going to a movie, watching a tv show..The only thing really that it is now is that there is someone in the house..companionship is not really part of the equation anymore. I suppose the difference between my DH and the two cats is the DH can speak English but the cats only know one word..meow. Sad.
Janet, why not get an older kitty..a lap kitty. Cookie goes to DH and he talks to her and pets her and she lets him get away with things ( like touching her back paws and pat her tummy) that NO ONE else gets away with. She will share lap time too..sit with him then me for a few minutes then back to her "daddy". Ebonie is my cat. She snuggles with me only at night. Cookie is 3 and has heart disease, Ebonie is about 9 and was mauled nearly to death by two "hot dogs" so neither can go out. Cookie is the entertaining one talking to birds.
Mimi, unfortunately I am allergic to cats, or I would already have one. I even keep looking at the website of the local humane society to see pictures of "adoptable cats". They have a six year old cat that is exactly what I would like. Drat!
There is always a doggie...or how about a hamster? No forget the hamster thing...
My middle girl is allergic to some kinds of cats..I think her allergy was more from the dogs and what they brought into the house and one cat she had. Cookie the one we have can cause my eyes to itch but Ebonie does not. I just take Claritin. I have allergies to the world anyway. If you are on FB go look at the photos I just posted of Cookie the Troublemaker kitty..she is a beautiful Tuxedo cat with hypertropic cardiomyopathy. She does not know she has this heart condition and enjoys her life and we medicate her and hope to keep her perking along for a good while..She is only 3 and this disease strikes cats between 1 and 4 most commonly, Some show symptoms Cookie does not.