I too have simplified as much as I can. I do most of my shopping online and convenience foods are my friend. I have dropped out of a lot of activities I did at church and am not reluctant to have our son come stay with his Dad while I go to Support Group and have an aid come 6 hours a week (2 3 hour days) so I can run errands or meet friends for lunch. Things I used to do before Christmas (like making a family calendar) I passed off to our DIL. Bought my cookies and have the aid bake while she is here. I figure I need to save my energy for dealing with DH and I have also asked people not to dump their problems on me.
Congrats Joan! Another step in taking care of yourself. You have the double load of caregiving Sid and your Dad. Any and every single thing you do for them needs evaluation and see what else you can simplify. My DH does best with routines and though he grouses when I first introduce a change in or new routine, he eventually settles into it. There is nowhere, that I've found, it's written that the caregivefr has to do everyuthing themselves. In fact, we should be focusing on those things only we can do. Aides can shower shave, dress, and feed our LOs. In-home help can do the housekeeping, dishes cooking, and laundry. If something on the o List doesn't get done tosday, it will still be there tomorrow. Don't sweat it. And if anyone says anything about what's not done--give them that job (at least it sounds good). All of this is part of taking care of yourself. Unless there is an extrenuating ciorcumstance, there is no justification for a caregiver to be expending their time and energy on these basic tasks.
We need to get help onboard way earlier than most do and then delegate whatever chores we can. We also need to relax our standards sometimes. On occasion we need to accept that somethings "will be there when we get there" and "if I can't see it, it's not there". There is no use fretting over things we just can't get to RIGHT NOW, or that we can't do anything about. So, shop online, or from catalogs. Find a grocery that will shop your list and deliver, or at least shop it so you only need pick it up, or have an aide shop it for you. Streamline anything and everything you can.
I told everyone I wouldn't be sending any cards but that they should. I tell everyone to think of my house as a college dorm. I still run around and clean when company comes but I no longer feel my self worth connected to that. I ask for help. I want this. Can you do that? If not I'll phone someone else. I ask if I can talk about how I feel. Getting it out once in a while simplifies the buildup. I ask if they would be willing to deliver and tell them why. They usually try. I concentrate on both of us surviving through the days of what the disease is doing to both of us. I work at being my own friend. I work at listening to myself. I work at genuinely caring about me too. Feeling better makes things easier which is like simplifying. I ask my DW's friends and family to buy her clothes. I tell them what I want and then reimburse them. I changed some of the bills I pay to automatically charge my account. I changed some of my routines so the day helper can do those chores while I do others (eg: making the bed) I will get a cleaning lady when I get more stretched. I hired a lawn service. I get my windows washed by a handyman. As Carol said I am learning not to fret over things. I do them or they wait. They're not going anywhere and that is also simplifying my life. I seperate friends and family into three piles. Those I value. Those in limbo. And those I kick. I need targets and we find them anyways. I need to understand my changing connections and that simplifies things for me.
In my mind all of those things are related to acceptance by me. On each topic, at each stage, it is acceptance by me that precedes taking a step to deal with and thereby simplify my life. That may not be how it works for everybody; but, that's what I'm experiencing.
Acceptance is always preceded by realization. It took a long time to realize I needed help and then accept that. Once I did I found myself on the phone and now I have help 4 days a week.
Once I realized I had to deal with placing her at some point and accepted that - I also realized that even though I'm sick and tired of this beyond belief - I want her here. It's better with her here where I feel her presence rather than me being alone right now. I didn't know that before. I'm going to hate placing her. But thinking about it is simpler now. It's not an emotional rollercoaster anymore. I hate it and I'm not doing it yet. Knowing that's true has changed how frustrated and angry I get overall. It's lessened it.
You, Joan, truly have a 'double whammy' between caring for Sid and your father. But your message is valid for all of us ... we all need to simplify as much as possible. Simplify, simplify, simplify!!
I had already simplified as much as I thought I could - and DH was doing well, I wasn't stressed most of the time. Then when my son was killed Christmas Day, I found I had NOT simplified as much as I should have. Now there was more stress added with dealing with all the legalities, etc. But, I have found that just going to another room (which I do often), take some deep breaths, get on this website and read for awhile - I calm down considerably. At least I am sleeping well again. I can't function without my sleep - and thank God DH has always been a pretty good sleeper!