I'm just sitting here in tears. I'm so beaten down. My dh had 2 strokes in October, and since then perhaps a couple of TIA's, although not dxed on those, just my observations. He's 80 years, diabetic with complications, and un-dxed FTD. He's on Seroquel, and very abusive. His temper towards me is awful. He's very "down" about losing his abilities and takes it out on me. He's blaming me for putting him on the Seroquel. Each time I've had to have it increased, he's been very ugly and fought me the whole way. The last increase was in October, and I'm still paying for that one emotionally from his blaming me. I had gone off the Sertraline that I had had the doctor put me on, as I didn't like the way it was affecting me. But I just can't stand his abuse, and this morning, I put myself back on it.
I think that your main concern should be you. Could you talk to your doctor about relief for you by having someone one come in your home so that you could get out? Or, if necessary, have your husband placed? Your situation sounds abusive to me, and there has to be some solution other than you having to take it. Do you have a Community Health Centre with a Social Worker? I once worked at an Adult Day Care Centre as an RN, and I remember a wife whose husband was a tyrant, and I don't think there was any diagnosis of dementia; he was just a mean, demanding man, used to having his own way. We watched the wife go slowly downhill just though the stress of putting up with his demands and verbal abuse. Finally, the Director made some inquires and pulled some strings, and the next thing we knew, Doris was living in a nice little subsidized apartment on her own. Doris and George continued to come to the ADCC, but she always sat surrounded by women, away from George. George just fumed away in a corner. Doris gained weight, looked years younger and, for the first time since I had known her, lost her haunted look.
Hanging On, perhaps the Seroquel is not the drug of choice for your husband. Maybe you could talk to the doctor about a med change for him.
Also, I agree that you need to take care of yourself. Contact Senior Services or whatever they call it in your area to see if there is something in the way of help for you.
Nowhere is it written that we have to subject ourselves to abuse in order to care for someone.....this disease will take two victims if we let it.
<<<<<hugs>>>>> I can't imagine the hell you are living in. Get help...get him placed. Do whatever you have to do to get out of this situation. No one has to live like that. Praying for you.
I agree with what has been said. You need to get some help. Get him placed, get you out of there or some other option. You need to get out of that situation so that you can make a call or have someone call for you. All the research I've read said the caregivers will die first if they don't take care of themselves. Your safety, health and welfare are important.
I agree with Sandi* Seroquel may be the cause of his behavior. My husband, has been diagnosed with FTD. Seroquel, was not my husband's friend or mine at all, his behavior & aggressive were completely out of control. The higher dose just made it worse. He is now on Risperdal, & Klopin in the evenings. I would speak to the doctor about maybe changing medications.
i would also suggest a change in medications to see if this can help alter his behaviour towards you - if not i agree living in hell with no recourse is not an option and maybe placement would be a solution. divvi
Thank you all so much for your help. Ever since I have known him, 24 years now, he's treated me this way. When he finally got on the Seroquel a couple of years ago, that helped a lot. Even then, tho, the ugly behaviors will come out now and then. He just basically has a mean personality. I will talk to his doctor next week when I go in for my annual physical, and see what she thinks about going over to resperdol. Thanks much, everyone, for your suggestions. You are all right on. I should have left years go, but made a conscious choice not to.
Hanging On, each person is different. What works for one doesn't work for someone else. Respiradal did the opposite it was supposed to but seroquel calmed him down.
My DH was getting pretty nasty sometimes. I asked doc for something for him he gave me Risoerdone .5- 2xday. He wont take anything I have to sneak it in his juice someway. He refuses to believe anything is wrong with him. It has helped a lot. Get some help!!!
Ky: Is your husband having a difficult time with speech? My dh seems to have taken a nose dive this week with his speech. He talks more but but doesn't make sense and I can't understand what he is trying to say. I think your dh and my dh are the same age and at the same stage.