O.k. everyone make a commitment to do something nice for yourself tomorrow. I plan to go to the store, get some Calgon bath salts & sit in a nice relaxing warm tub and play Canonn in D, or Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
Please let us know what you did to indulge yourself. An ice cream sundae? ( Haven't had one for years!) A trip to the library to pick up a book not about AD? A tirp to Blockbusters to rent "Lost" or some other self indulgent escape movie? A walk in the botanical gardens? A facial mask (I've never tried one.) There must be umpteen things we can do. Any suggestions would be warmly welcomed. Just anything to get us going again. Small steps make a big difference.
I'm going to scrapbook. I've bookmarked a couple of challenges from two of the digital scrapbooking sites I like. I've downloaded the supplies that belong to those challenges. Today I'm going to work on a layout.
Yesterday I went to Target. It was my big treat to myself. It qualifies as a treat because I was alone in the car and that qualifies as respite. I got to walk around and get my steps in somewhere other than my house. I'm wearing a pedometer and I've got goals (minimum steps a day, number that I would like to reach if possible). Walking around all of the rooms in the house gets boring, but I have done it that way. Knowing that I can do it that way even in the winter is a good thing. I bought myself some stuff I wanted and even found a great car wash brush.
Either today or Monday I'll go to the library. I wish it was open on Sunday, but it isn't. I'm not quite finished with one of my books, or I would already have gone.
For some reason the bathing stuff has never appealed to me. Too many allergies. <grin> Massages, on the other hand.... Pure heaven!
I plan to go to my son's house and swim in his pool...trying right now to get a cup of chai tea and watch TV. I will see my grandchildren (boy, girl) at the pool which is about the only time they are available. with my DH in a nursing home, and no other people at my home, I only have to fight loneliness. Weekends are the worst as everyone is busy making up for their workweek. Hope you all find some respite for yourselves today and tomorrow.
My DH's daughter is coming to visit today. What I dream about doing is taking the dog and walking at a fast clip! I am so tired of shuffling along everywhere we go!
carewife, when I was a very lonely 11 year old I figured out something that worked for me then, and might work for all of us now. I found the other 11 and 12 year olds who were NOT in the in-group and made friends with them. Somewhere in your neighborhood there is a widow, or someone who's husband is in a nursing home, who is just as lonely as you are. Find her. Both of you will be better off together than you are alone.
The world is not made up of couples alone. I've been friendly with my next door neighbor for a while now. She has been a widow for a very long time. We don't do a lot together yet, but that will probably change over time.
I made friends with three neighbors who were all widowed in their 50's. One is bi-polar, one on 24/7 oxygen, the third has MS and just fell and fractured her wrist. We laugh at our weaknesses, are non judgemental and really enjoy our time together. Not the way we wan't it-but the cards were dealt. bluedaze
I've been at a conference for the last 4 days - I SKIPPED the last meeting each day from 6:30-7:30, went to my hotel room, ordered room service, and a movie I've wanted to see (27 Dresses, Bucket List, and one other one I can't remember now). I didn't even call my husband to see how he was in the evening (I checked on him during the day). After the movie, I took a loooonnnnnggg hot shower, and got in bed and read a book for fun. I feel so guilty because I didn't really want to come home yet. (^_^)
When I'm "on my own", I like to either garden (also means I get some sun/tan), float in the pool (again, sun & tan), or run errands ALONE! I agree with "frand" about the not having to "shuffle" wherever I go...it's also very nice to just "look at stuff", to remember life is going on out there...I went to Banana Republic on Friday ALONE and bought some new things that were ON SALE! It feels good to remember that "we matter" too!! :)
natsmom, I was in Target this week doing pretty much the same thing. I'd bought one pair of crop pants, without trying them on of course, in a previous visit. They felt so nice and fit and washed beautifully. I went back and bought all of the other colors.
Just being out in the car alone is a treat. And in my case I need to practice driving because I did so little of it for several years after we retired and moved. I'm still not comfortable going on the local highways, but managed for one of my husband's doctor visit.
Today I used the foot bath to soak my feet and run the massage cycle on them. <GRIN>
natsmom, my husband just got diagnosed with his first squamous cell carcinoma, and will be having Mohs surgery for it soon. This is after having been diagnosed with seven (at least -- I'm beginning to lose count) basal cell carcinomas (five Mohs surgeries, one burn-and-scrape, and one frozen off), and dozens upon dozens of actinic keratoses that had to be frozen off.
My father had the same sort of problems.
...please go lightly on the sun and tan. It's nice now, but it can sure lead to misery in the future.
Thanks, Sunshyne...I apply sun-screen, but still, I know what you mean. I am 48, but don't look it -- my AD husb is 62 & also does not "look" it...I guess I like being OUTSIDE when I can because being inside so much is just hard -- it's so hot here (Arlington TX) so I'm not outside for very long, but it is nice to just enjoy the great OUTDOORS when I can.
Starling, thanks for the "foot massage" idea -- My dtr gave me one a few years ago, just for this very time in my life when I can't get out...I shall use it more often after your suggestion :)
I will begin a 5 day respite tomorrow through Hospice. I will be taking my husband tomorrow morning, I am very sad at the moment and sometimes wonder if I can do it, our daughter says mother you need to call it "survival" and that is what I will try to do. The first thing I am going to do is spend some time with our grandson, he is 14, just he and I, one on one, going out to eat and then rent a movie. It has been years since I could do that. I feel so guilty. Then the next day I am going out to shop and just look, and look and take my time, the third day I am spending with a old girl friend that I worked with for many years, the next two days are un-planned. I just hope Jim does well and they do not have to call me to come and bring him back. Of course I will also be going and checking on him every other day and our daughter will go the days that I do not. I hope he will be ok. Folks please think of me in the morning as we take the little road trip. I do feel so very guilty.
A friend once said, "Guilt - the gift that keeps on giving!" I hope you can return that gift when you are out shopping around and truly enjoy yourself. Maybe you can schedule a massage, or getting your hair done, or a facial - if you like those kinds of things that would relieve some of the tension you so likely have. How wonderful to have those five days off and spending time with your grandson sounds so special. Good luck!
Jane, please read your own post as if it was someone else writing it. What would you tell them about their guilt over being able to know that their husband was in a safe place so that they could just let some of the anxiety go and the stress levels go down?
There is absolutely no reason to feel quilty because you are going to spend half a day with your granson, or see an old friend, or just go into a store to look around with no pressure to get back before you're ready.
You are taking care of yourself. And all of us need to do that.
Jane, I so understand your feelings....but, just remember that we can't be a good caregiver if we are exhausted, stressed and depressed. Take this time to refresh your body, mind and spirit and don't be too hard on yourself.
Good for you Jane, even if its doing just the little things that make you happy. you are within reach if needed but i hope this will be the first of many 'me' days ahead. believe me, i am in the grips as we speak of talking with my Sis in law how and who we can get to sit with my DH as we want a week respite for me and thinking of mex beach for a week. me too, i feel for leaving my DH as well but if they are getting decent care and looking after while we go there isnt a thing detaining us but our own guilt, if the roles were reversed we would demand our spouses go and have some time away from the chores of caregiving, true? i am sure they feel the same. go and have fun! he will be fine and you will get that extra charge we all need for the return. we are with you in spirit..divvi