I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read my Valentine Blog. Please post your comments, stories, and memories here as requested in the blog. My apologies that I was not able to do so, as I seem to be experiencing a rough emotional patch right now. I hope you will pick up the slack for me.
My DH has never been a romantic, rarely bought me gifts (for any holiday), was not particularly thoughtful when it came to me but he was faithful, a good provider, a dedicated father and loved by everyone who met him. He was generous to others, a caring physician, an upstanding citizen, and a loving grandfather. For all of this I have loved him since I met him and he has felt the same about me. He never failed to tell me he loved me but now he no longer says the words unless prompted. But when I dress him, bathe him and meet his needs he only has to look at me to know that somewhere in there is a spark of that love.
I will try to pick up the slack but this has been emotional for me too. We knew each other for a year before we started dating. He was getting ready to move and he asked me if I knew anyone with a need to buy furniture and I said I didn't and then I asked him if he knew anyone who had a room for rent because I didn't have a place to live. He said he didn't and I said that I would give him my telephone number in case he did.;) So the next thing that happened is we were invited to the same couples house for dinner and they were showing pictures out of an album and I had to lean into him in order to see the pictures.;) Then the next day he called me on the phone and we talked for 3 hours but in the middle of the conversation he says "I think I shouldn't call you again I think I should tear up your phone number." I said, "OK, if that is what you think you should do, that's alright." The next day...he called me and we talked for a long time and then in the middle of that conversation he said the same thing and then I answered the same way. The next day...(3 days in a row( he called back and in the middle of that conversation he said, "What do you think about the age difference?" I acted like I didn't know what he was getting at and I said, "I don't see anything wrong with it." Then a little while later he said, "You know we are dating don't you (he considered talking on the phone as a date) I said, "I know" Then the next weekend we had our first official date.
This was harder to tell than I thought it would be!!! Our dating and wedding and honeymoon was a dream come true for me. He always was a perfect gentleman, other women were jealous. He would open doors for me, pull chairs out for me, walk on the side of the street so he was between me and the street. We were so much in love. It was a dream come true.
I was at walmart the other day and saw all the young couples at the jewelry counter getting their honeys gifts and I went home to a mess and no affection. I know what you mean by dementia FORCING you to live another kind of life. Oh, I know he still loves me but it is more a child, mother love. I may never have that kind of love again. I am living a different kind of dream. Oh well, this is the only game in town for now.
The day I met Bill I told my father that he was the man I wanted to marry. He was in the service and we dated by mail for a while. When he finally came home we realized this was a serious relationship. I was truly surprised when Bill gave me my diamond ring on a Valentine's Day. He brought me flowers on every anniversary-no matter where we were. When he set up checking accounts or phone listings my name was always first. For as long as he was able he treated me like a queen.
Charlie and I were introduced by mutual friends about a year after both our spouses had died. Our courtship was 6 months of wonderful. He did not buy flowers or gifts but he showered me with love and respect I knew that if I asked for the moon he would do his best to get it for me. We planned to be married on Valentine Day but could not book the church or reception hall then. We ended up being married the last day of January which happened to be my oldest daughter's birthday. My daughter had an 18 month old daughter and was recently separated from her husband. Her father and both grandfathers were dead. When I asked what she would like for her birthday she told me that what she wanted I could not give her. She wanted to know if I thought Charlie would let the child call him Granddad. When asked, he got tears in his eyes and stated that he would be honored. That was the beginning of 24 years of happiness and an even dozen children who called him Granddad. And only 2 of them have a drop of his blood in them.
I can't help. Emotionally, I'm just having a crappy winter. I don't even know why it's like that sometimes more than others. As for Valentine's thoughts?...There will come a time when I can relish memories of our good--excellent actually--20 years, but not right now. I'm burned out and don't want to think about it. I think it's encouraging that others can, as a reminder that pits aren't usually bottomless.
We exchanged valentine's in our senior year. Mine said "You're just my speed." and hers said "You score high with me." I asked her out to the Romeo and Juliet film the Zifferelli 1968 one. I knew that day I was going to marry her. Tomorrow it will be the 42nd anniversary of the start of our love affair. I proposed on October 10 on a park bench on Lake Ontario, two months after she turned 18. Her parents were stunned until one of them choked out 'when??" and when they found out we were talking after university it started to dawn on them we weren't pregnant. Her father wouldn't let us go to the same school or let her out past 11pm. So we married the following August instead. She's just 59.
The twists of life that form the threads are very tangled. She skipped a year otherwise... I had moved to another district but the basketball coach was a pro football player and pulled strings so that I could finish my senior year othewise... We both broke up with longer relationships within the past year otherwise...I had fallen for a local girl and she had taken a picture of me as I went by so I waited for her to pass by and had worked up the nerve to talk to her but just as she was coming my mother demanded I come in the house and it never came up again because school started and I was busing it miles each way otherwise...and finally Steve Gow said in the commons room one day "Why don't you take Dianne to the prom?" because we were both available so I looked over at her otherwise...
Despite the AD changes, our love for each other, thankfully, continues to be incredibly strong. Fortunately, those rants and angry rages remain few and far between. And although I know she has forgotten to buy me a Valentine's Day card again this year, I know that her deep love for me is still there ... as is mine for her ... and that is all I need for now. We, too, have been ... and very much continue to be ... an 'us' ... despite it now being a one-sided 'us' in many ways because I can lo longer expect my wife to do/act as she once did. But ... we are still very much an 'us' and that is enough for my 'new normal' for now.
My DH is having such a rough time...and as a result, I am also. He is physically ill and this is also taking a toll on his mental health. This has been a very emotional day today. Not just because its Valentine's Day (he never forgot a birthday, valentine's day, anniversary until last year when the disease had taken over that part of his mind). Today has just been a day of remembering. It seems everything I look at brings back a memory of "us." Even watching a TV commercial brought tears to my eyes. It was a boat show that was advertised! And I cried! My DH loved the water, boats, jet skies, taking the kids out to ski or swim. I heard a song that he always loved...he sang it often and he had such a good strong voice. Today he barely spoke. I went to the store for a sympathy card for a friend....I cried over some of the cards that were in the "romantic...just because I love you" section. Bad day! But when I got home after spending most of the day with DH I looked at a clipping I have posted on the fridge. Its says "Just when the caterpillar thought life was over, it became a butterfly." I know that life as we knew it is over. I can only hope that one day he will be a butterfly....
And Jackie, I'm hoping someday you will be a butterfly again and can spread your wings and fly. It's a tough road we are traveling. My DH ask me at lunch if I was his cousin. I said no, I have been married to you nearly 54 years. Later he said ..did you say you were married to my brother... He also never missed a birthday or anniversary until 5 years ago. By the way, this wasn't just Valentine's Day, it was my birthday. I hit the big 83. I'm not watching romantic movies these days. Bring on the comedies...
I'm guessing that name is one of those crimson tide things and has nothing to do with the flintsones or a nickname you picked up because of your gentle nature. I'm sure 83 is big in your mind although I'm getting a bottle of good wine for my neighbor who is turning 85 and shovels my driveway (I'm 60) all winter. I went to a wedding just last year where my friend's 92 year old mother remarried and unfortunately I also attended a funeral where another friend's mother passed at the spry age of 97. She got so upset at the shoddy play of her bridge partner it was too much for her. Ninety is the new seventy so...
You can't stop the tide. It just keeps rolling. Best to get some raybans on, order a daiquiri, and put in Weekend at Bernies.
Awwwww...Wolf, "Old" is 10 years older than I am and next year it will still be 10 years. I am just happy to be this old and still kicking up my heels. Yep, Bama is a football thing and it's always "Roll Tide" at my house. Did I hear ol don commenting......I want you to know that I really enjoy reading your posts...As for the weddings, the next time I am going to be the Girlfriend or the other woman. (grin)