How many of us have been frustrated when neighbors or relatives have said "but he looks so good". This especially rankles when it is long lost relatives who don't do a thing to help. My neighbors have a mom who also lives in our community. She wanders, forgets to feed her dog and also isn't eating herself. She accuses everyone of stealing her stuff. Another neighbor brought her home when she had really wandered far away. She leaves the stove on and forgets keys. She forgot she had a car in her garage and wanted to buy a new one. I saw her wandering today and stopped to chat with her. She was totally rational, initiated conversation, made eye contact and was just fine. When relatives living far away call her she sounds just fine. The son who lives here does not have POA and relatives think he is just making things up. Interesting to see both sides.
I can only imagine this...especially since she lives alone. No one would do this, I'm sure, but it would seem that if the friends in the community would write a general letter.. at the bequest of the son,..and everyone would sign it.... outlining observations, concerns and fears you have for her well being... and it was sent to the family..something might be done for her. It's just so darned hard for the one caring for the poor soul when the others question his observations. NOT FAIR but it has happened to all of us as well. Would it be inappropriate to share this with a social service agency...perhaps they could help the "good son' get her some help.
I know I have had people comment on how good and "normal" my DH looks and when I step back and look at him like an outsider he does look "normal" and when you first meet him he will look at you, shake your hand, and say Hello! How are you! Will nod and laugh. So I guess I understand how they would come to that conclusion. As far as this lady in your community maybe someone should mention to the good son about calling in Social Services to evaluate his mother and contact the rest of the family (or whoever has the POA). That's a safety issue for everyone involved.
A few years ago, there was a gentleman in our neighborhood who I'd see on his daily walks. He'd nod, say hi, nd continue on his way. Then one day, I looked out and he was in our yard, doing little bits of weeding and nattering on about the yrd needing work. Iwent out and talkewd to him a bit and then he left, but someho I knew things were abit "off" about that episode. About 3 weeks later, I came from the back of the house to find him in our living room. He claimed he came home but everything was different. I spoke calmly, but convinced him he'd erred and got him out of the house, but he was still in the yard. I called 911. the police came. They spoke to him by name and while one of them walked him home (down about 1/2 block) the other took a few notes, and filled me in that he had ALZ and there was a Guardian being called by Protective Services because there'd obviously been some changes in his condition.
I later found out our mailman had known about the situation for some time and had reirected him back to his home when he'd been out walking "home" about 2 miles away. I was told Adult Protective Services should be called in such cases, as they have the connections to help get a Guardianship set up, or other help.
It's for their safety, not to cause trouble for anyone.