For about a month my husband's attitude has gotten progressively worse. He's volatile and explodes over the tiniest little thing. He no longer has any sense of humor. Everything is somebody's "fault". Of course, this "fault" thing has been a hallmark of his life, everything has to be somebody's fault, of course. We have had an episode almost every night. I'm fed up with this. If I try to tell him this is just a symptom of his disease --- oh my gosh, phew, that is absolutely the worst thing to say. So, veterans, is this just another wonderful gift of Alzheimer's Disease?
mothert its been said that AD magnifies the original personality traits. so if you DH was about 'faulting' someone all his life you can expect this and moreso now. if they were angry and abusive prior AD it can also be explosive once the disease steps in. if they were mild mannered 'usually' that trait will prevail but many of us who had mild mannered spouses see aggressive volatile scenes at times too.l this is where constant updates with medications comes into play. without the right combo of meds we dont seem to get any relief and its a long hard road to find the right combos that do the trick to maintain harmony. if you have episodes every night maybe try letting his dr know that his medications are not helping to curtail his anxieties and you are getting no rest. those of us who have been thru this part know that its the only way to maintain some sort of equilibrium. divvi
Sorry to say...but the answer is probably yes. My dh went through this beginning in Nov. I thought I would have a break down myself. Took him to the neuro and he put him on seroquel and risperidone and it has helped a lot. My dh is in stage 5.
My husband doesn't like to hear that a symptom is part of the disease, so I don't tell him. Right now, for the last few months, he has had that coughing that others have mentioned their spouse having. I just tell him it must be the dust in the air.
Speaking of odd symptoms..does anyone's spouse have the constant runny drippy nose? No cold or allergies just a nose that runs like a faucet. I think it is one of the meds though I don't see that listed as a side effect of any of them.
My dh, like so many, got over the rants only with the help of Risperidone. My strategy during them: speak softly but firmly, ignore insults, do NOT argue. Try to distract, change the subject, offer something to eat or drink. Leave the room if possible. AND write down everything that is said during a couple good ones, to give in writing to the doctor. When I sent my neuro a transcript of what DH had been saying to me "If you don't open that door I'm going to whack you" (he never did, by the way) and "I want you to get out of this house right now and not come back" he wrote the prescrption to Risperidone in a flash. We did not even have to come in. I think this would be even more effective in the US where doctors might be afraid of liability in case he does actually harm you, after he had been warned about the situation in writing (keep a copy, of course).
Mimi, We have just recently noticed the runny nose thing and he commented he never used to have a runny nose. Like Charlotte I never refer to any of these odd symptoms as AD to him, but it's the first thing that goes through my mind.
mothert--My husband was easygoing before dx and never talked about the fault issue. However, in the early stage it became a big deal, something like you have described. I learned to NEVER criticize him or point out things he had done wrong; regardless of the circumstances, it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull! However, Seroquel and/or progression of the disease has relieved that problem. I still say the early stage was the hardest, for both of us.
Mimi I too noticed a runny nose after dx. 5 yrs ago. One of the side effects of Aricept 10 mg. was post nasal drip. Now that my DH is off Aricept and on the Exelon Patch this problem has decreased considerably. Most of his runny nose now is while eating. He is 83 and in good health otherwise. Sweet Pea
Runny nose while eating is common as we age. I keep a box of kleenex on the table and have to remind DH to wipe his nose before it drips in his food. The Dr. column in our newspaper talks a lot about that. When we go out to dinner with friends most of them are wiping their noses during dinner. We laugh because the etiquette guide says that if we need to blow our noses while dinning that we should go to the bathroom to do it. We all decided we should just have our dinner served there!
DH's neurologist sent him a letter today (he hasn't received it yet) stating that in light of his diagnosis and subsequent neurological evaluations, the doctor doesn't think dh is capable of making any financial or other major decisions and that I should be given his POA. I'm really not looking forward to him reading this letter. The lawyer said that it had to be sent to dh and not me (I have the same letter sent by the doctor several months ago but just couldn't bring myself to give it to him) to be legally binding. Oh man, I hate this - that letter is going to abosolutely destroy him.
Oh, btw, in all your combined experiences, I'm wondering if I should tell dh that this letter is coming and that it is necessary for me to exercise the Financial POA. Or should I just leave it alone??
Have you thought of telling him that he should have a POA over you too and you both need them. Then if he could sign the one for you just destroy it after it is signed.
I told dh this morning that I needed to send his POA to a particular insurance company as they wouldn't put my name on the account without it (true). If a piece of mail comes in with his name on it, I might never see it and he condeded to that. So, along with the POA I needed a letter from his doctor and that would be coming sometime soon and would he please give me that letter?? He seemed to take this info in stride (phew!) and it won't be a total shock when he receives the letter. I'm sure the contents will be uncomfortable for him; but, at least I know that I have told him the truth and it won't be a total shock. Pray for us, please!!
Judith, that is exactly what I did, we have them on each other, and it also specifes our children to have POA if one of us is incapable. That is the simplest thing. I would not want to declare my DH incapable to his face.
That kind of letter can be very hurtful to both of you. You don't know how they will take it but I think you did the correct thing in warning him in advance. At least he can't come after you thinking you were behind all this. Am praying for you mothert.
I think I'm going to intercept that letter; I can't bear how he is going to feel after reading it. I'll just hold onto it until he understands that he's no longer competent. I do hope that day will eventually come.
Mothert, I think that would be best. My DH would be devastated to get a letter like that. If he wants to be in denial, I am not taking that away from him. I let him have POA on me, but hes already forgot!
I did write our attorney today and ask why/if we even need this letter as we both have POA's already that say they are effective today. But, the financial POA does say that a doctor needs to write a letter verifying incompetence. The attorney also told me already that I didn't need to take control of the family assets until/if DH ever needs to go into a nursing home environment. Then, I've read on this site of other's big legal hassles having spouses declared incompetent after they have declined so much that they don't know what they are doing, that the time to do it is now when they can sign the paper themselves; so, I'm really unsure of what I need to do, if anything.
I most definitely do not want to have his feeling hurt. I've been checking the mail everyday and it hasn't arrived yet. I pray, pray, pray every night that this will all work out alright. Probably, the letter will come one day when I'm not home. I sure hope not.
You may be able to get him to buy into signing them by saying it is easier to do them now then if something happens and he is unable to sign or give consent. My husband signed his over a year ago and it became active at the time. Theoretically I have control over all health, financial, etc., but I let him do what he can for now. Fortunately, he has never wanted to handle the finances, so that is not an issue. As for medical, again - he lets me take control. After his dad died last June, the three kids became owners of the house. His brother is dragging right now on selling it due to he has a lot stored there. Right now I think he thinks my hb is in control and won't push it, but we need the money to pay off the motorhome so we can afford an apartment when needed. I will push the issue letting him know I have his brothers POA so he will be dealing with me. I don't want to, but I am afraid it will get tense before better. He is probably hoping his sister and my hb will die before then not realizing he will still have to split the proceeds with me and his nieces.
I heard again from our ELA and he told me that the letter really is only needed if something were to happen to me and then the alternate caregiver would need it for a POA. So, now I've been sitting on the mailbox each day to try and intercept that letter which was sent over a week ago (actually the doctor said he sent it a week ago but he's in a large clinic and I'm thinking it maybe didn't go out until Monday). If it doesn't come today, I don't know what to do as I will be gone most of Thursday. I've told my husband that I'm awaiting something special in the mail and he is not to go get it until further notice. However, as you all are very aware, the memory is not so good anymore. Oh please, Lord, let it come today.
Could you ask the post office to hold your mail? Tell them you are going out of town for a few days or some other story and you would like your mail held there then go in weekly to pick it up.