My DH would never agree for anyone to stay with him besides me or my children, he would NEVER go to ADC, but I am so ready for it. I just dont know jhow to ever get him to do it, he cont to think nothing is wrong with him! He is stage 5, slipping into 6. ANY suggestions!!!
Even though you are able to do everything around the house--dishes, laundry, vacuuming, try starting with some in home help with that--explaining to your DH that YOU need the help so you can take care of other things. Once you've started that and he is used to it, make the excuse to run a short errand. Have the helper offer some light assistance to him on occasion, and eventually he'll be used to someone else helping him and you'll have worked in to having respite time.
Ky, I felt the same way but went ahead and got someone from an agency who pretended they were here to do cleaning. My DH got used to her and now looks forward to having her here twice a week. He's still angry with me when I get back because he always thinks I've been gone for hours and hours. The time away is worth putting up with him when I get back. All I can say is do it. And do it now. I'm taking four days respite next week for the first time. This is another big step for me but I'm doing it. He will go to the NH where his daughter works and be on the assisted living floor. I don't know how he will be when I get back but I have to do this for me.
Our children and I were certain my DH would NEVER allow someone to come in while I went out but after the first of the year I promised the kids I would try. Called the VNA and they came out and were really nice. They sent out a woman who was experienced with Alz. patients. I used the excuse that I was having PT and that he couldn't sit in the cold waiting room. He loves her! Always asking when "that woman" was coming. It is working out great....but then again..he may decide tomorrow he doesn't want to stay with her. But I'll deal with that if it comes. SHe will do light housekeeping and just keeps an eye out for him. He can do what he usually does all day (pace and "clean") so is happy.
Carosi made a good point. its never too early to bring in outside help for respite. i waited way too long. many here have said the same and burned out in caregiving before making the decision. almost all of us commented as well that our spouses would not allow someone to come sit with them while we get out. so the cleaning excuse is always a very good one. you just have to use whatever you know will work individually for your spouse. there are plenty of fiblets we can use to get what we need earlier than later. if you ask any of us who waited too long we are shaking our heads why we did. having someone come in to give respite is heaven.- even if for a few hrs. divvi
The only thing that will save a caregiver's sanity is respite! It is that simple. Regardless of how much you love your spouse, this disease will take you down unless you can get away from it at times. Unfortunately, arranging respite is an emotional hurdle for most and also a financial one in most cases. But it is necessary for survival.
In our case I enlisted the help of my husband's geriatrician. He told him he needs to have some therapy to get stronger and I need a break. Of course he didn't remember when it came time to go to the LTC facility for respite but I just repeated what his doctor had said to him. I didn't make a big deal out of it and didn't tell him until the morning we were leaving. I felt terrible leaving him there and cried for days but I know it was the right thing for my survival. IWe are fortunate in Ontario in that we can have up to 90 days a year respite at the cost of $ 35.00 a day which is very reasonable.
My DH enjoys the company of an attractive, female caregiver to drive him on his "errands" and enjoy a lunch out. Male companions were not well received. Someone with a bright personality who can come in and coax him out of his lethargy for a few hours seems to work for us. The few hours of coverage fly by for me and enable me to return to the job feeling better. We have had quite a few different caregivers. The short shift and part time nature of the job seem to account for the turn over. We just moved from two days per week to five. I should have done it sooner!