I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean when I say that the last month has been a whirlwind. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly December 22. He had been to the doctor in November to have some iffy skin leisions frozen off. His heart was just great, BP, pulse, etc. all just fine. We really thought he'd be with us another two or three years.
In fact the day before he died, I saw my pulmonologist and I asked him how sick I was. He said I wasn't that bad. Moderate COPD. Actually in pretty good condition. I told my doctor that made me happy because it was important to me that I outlive my husand.
The night before he had tripped and fallen. He split his lip and I wanted to take him to the ER but he said he didn't want to go, didn't need to go and wasn't going to go.
Whhen I got home from my dr's office I asked him how he felt. No headache, no blurry vision, no vomitting, his eyes were not dialated. He said he was just fine. That was on Tuesday afternoon.
That evening, I was tired and decided to go to bed a little early. I kissed him good night. He said "Ilove you." I said "I love you back." He took his pills and I went to bed.
The next morning he was gone. I'm still having a hard time believeing that he's really gone. We would have been married 61 years on March 25.
I had so many people in and out of here. Our family from Missouri arrived on January 13. We had the memorial on the 14th and the last of the relatives left early Sunday the 16th.
I didn't think I could be that tired and survive. I slept almos all day Sunday.
Since then I've been trying to get everything in order. I'm STILL waiting for certified copies of the death certificate. I'm kind of stuck on a lot of things without those. I need them to do any banking, and also his life insurance policy with the union and my pension from his emplopyer. Fortunately, I'm ok but I'd like to get this over and one with.
I was very ill during December, got worse after he died and was sick in January up until about a week ago. I feel great now. Hope it stays that way.
And we had our first great-grand child, a boy, on January 11, 2011. Then named him Calvin Grant--my husband's middle name was Grant and that's a nice remembrance.
I believe I'm doing quite well. I do miss him something frightful. I don't that that will leave anytime soon.
Thank you for all your prayers and support. I will write again soon.
Social Security needs a certified copy of our marriage certificate in order for me to receive survivor's benefits. Finally got 2 copies of that.
Mawzy even though it was sad news it is still good to hear from you. Tomorrow we will be installing my husband's grave marker. We lose the loves of out lives and some how we carry on.
Mawzy - glad you got the certified marriage certificate. When my sister went to get hers, no one seemed to have it. She was married in Stevenson, WA (around 1954) but the county had no record, sent her to Clark Cty, they sent her to Olympia who couldn't find a record. She finally went to Clark Cty again and made them search better and they finally found it. Even though it was her first marriage (of 3), she had to have it.
After reading this thread I got thinking about our marriage certificate. I have NO idea where it is or how to get a copy. We were married in New Jersey almost 57 years ago. At no time since then have we had to "prove" that we were married. Regarding Social Security, my wife collects a small amount on my number, since she didn't work long enough to be entitled to benefits. I guess SS must have been satisfied that we were married to do that.
So sorry to hear of your loss Mawzy, but I'm glad you're doing OK now. ood luck with all the stuff you have to do at ths point. It's so difficult to go thru all that. Be well.
Marsh, If you remember the city you were married in find out what county that city is in. Call the courthouse in that county and ask for someone in the records department where the marriage certificates are kept. Explain your situation to them and ask to purchase as many certified copies as you need. I don't know what they cost now. I had to do this with the VA in 1990. I got extra copies just in case. Mawsy, I doubt this well help you now put I ordered my certificates through the funeral home.
FayeBay*--we had prepaid cremation and part of the contract was one crtified copy and one photocopy of the death certificate. I had not seen it and was surprised to see the "cause of death". It was due to natural causes and was a multifarction/alzheimer's. The dr said he had a massive stroke in his sleep. He suffered no pain.
The death certificates have come. I gave one to the bank today and had them notarize my signature on 3 forms applying for my portion of DH's pension.
I had all this stuf on the dining room table. little piles here and there. I'm gradually whittling those little piles down. Now I have an even bigger pile on a chair that needs to be shredded but I'm not shredding anything until my son or DIL come over and read this stuff to me. My gosh, I never saw so much paperwork.
Marsh, I called Olympis (the capital of Washington State) and their records did not go back before 1968. I had to call the county auditor in the county we were married in 1960. So, I got ahold of tha uditor and asked "what year?" I said "1950" he said "1950!!!//????????? Our records only go back to 1975. Everything else is on microfische (microfilm). It cost me $8 for a search and $3 apiece for the certified copy.
Best to have those things on hand but who knew we'd have to prove it.
Marsh, good idea to do as the suggestions and order a couple copies. You will need at least one. Also, a certified copy of her Birth Certificate. I had to call the State Of WV Records to get the Marriage Certificate. I had our Marriage Certificate but did not want to give it to them. I had it framed several years ago. I think a copy of each was required when I filed his will.
I have taken it upon myself to tell as many of my friends as I can (and all of you) that it is vitally important to have on hand CERTIFIED copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, death certificate of former spouse if yours was married before (!!! who knew??)... because I had to provide all of those to the funeral home when my husband died. (the previous spouse death certificate would not have been necessary if he was not to be cremated). Guess they wanted to prove there was not a legitimate spouse out there who would sue them!) (As if I was an illegal wife??)
I got everything from the Texas Department of Health, Department of Vital Statistics in Austin (the state capitol). I called first and a helpful woman told me to get the application forms off the internet and then send them in FED EX. They open Fed Ex envelopes immediately. Regular mail comes in huge mail bags or boxes... and it takes days to get through each and every letter in the bag. I was able to get these papers back within ten days...Otherwise it might have taken 3-4 weeks.
I sent in all of my data and forms (after that) via Fed Ex, thinking that her advise made a great deal of sense.
Just be sure all of these documents are on hand. After your LO dies, it will take a week or more to begin to THINK about the paperwork you need and life seems to move in slow motion for a while. Nancy B*
Mawzy - that is why my sister had trouble finding her certificate from her first marriage - Washington lets the county handle it and it was not in the county she was married in. When you get a driver's license in WA or OR you have to have a certified copy now. You can no longer use the birth certificate the hospital sent home with you - you know the one with your foot print?
Mawzy - I know you miss him but I am glad to hear he did not have to go the whole AD journey. My prayer is that my hb will not nor others spouse here.
Mawzy, I miss reading your post. I am so glad you have come back to us and are dealing with what is left. I know you will get better as time goes on. Please stay with us, we need your knowledge and compassion. I am praying for you.
Thanks so much for all of your kind words. I've spent more time at the bank than I've ever spent. I had forgot to have the bank stop payment on the autopay of DH's supplemental medical insurance. Today I called Jimmy, the banker, and told him to pull DH's payment out Then I asked him to double-check and make sure my supplemental insurance was still ok. Whew, that's done.
I guess next week I get to go downtown and have the house/property transferred to my name. I sure do not want to have to do that.
Monday, I go t our tax lady and she is going to help me fill out, sign and notarize my signature on W-4 forms, include my doctor's statement that I am legally blind and get all that stuff off. \ I don't w3ant to wish my life away but I'll be so glad when it's all done. And I am so ready for spring. I'm not complaining, we don't hae the snow that you folks on the east coast are struggling through, but I'm getting pretty sick of all this rain.
You just described my house...papers on the kitchen table, some on the dining room table the computer room is impossible and my guest room is piled up with things I have started to sort for donation and just to junk...Here I thought it was me, something wrong with me. I used to be organized and would complete something once I started it. Now it takes for ever.. I suppose between all the appointments, running errands for meds etc and then the normal things like getting the car tuned up and windows done and yard done and all the other things, when I have a break I find out just how much I need some sit down and do nothing time and so this other stuff just piles up..Lord at this point DH is neater than I am!