My DH is in Stage 5 and I cannot leave him. My mother is 90 years of age, has always been mentally unstable and despite all efforts to get her to move near to us, she remains in the south. Last winter, when she injured herself in a fall, I flew to her home state seven different times. She claims not to remember my visits at all. Thanks to her excellent LT care policy, she is entitled to 24/7 care. The agency that provides the steady stream of ever changing care givers reports that she exhibits many of the serious symptoms of dementia. She will not bath regularly, is paranoid, will not take ANY meds, is extremely volatile and angrily fires the caregivers right and left. She sees no need to go to the doctor and generally wants to be in charge. I don't know what to do.
I defer to the experts here, but my initial thoughts... Are there other relatives near her? Otherwise, somehow it seems that she needs to move into an ALF. Whether there or near you.
The not taking meds seems like the first thing that needs addressing since by taking meds of a certain type, she could be more compliant.
Brooke--speaking as a dual caregiver to my husband and father, I don't know how you can do this long-distance. For the first several years after my husband's dx, my Dad was still living independently. Then we moved him to an ALF and I gradually shifted the bulk of the caregiving responsibilities to my brother. That helped me tremendously. I agree with Emily, if possible place her in an ALF where you or other relatives can oversee her care. It's too much for you to handle otherwise.
Why are you letting a 90 year old with dementia make her own decisions and ruling your life? She is definitely at the stage where someone should be doing that for her. DO you have POA for her? SHe needs to be placed and maybe not on her own volition.
My sister and I are her only remaining relatives. Yes, I have POA, but she is now and has always been a tyrant. I have been told that to move someone against their will takes a legal action declaring the individual incompetent. She has never been compliant and would kick and scream to get her own way - this is not new. I have hired a caregiver for my husband and I am planning another trip to Florida. The director of the agency currently providing her caregivers has said that "no independent ALF would tolerate her."
Brooke, you might have to have her declared incompetent and be appointed her guardian in order to take care of her. I would contact someone in the state of Florida who deals with Senior Services or whatever they call it there. They may be able to point you in the right direction.
Your mother may need to have her meds changed....I feel for what you are going through.....Caregiving up close and personal is bad enough....long distance caregiving would be a real hassle.
Long distance caregiving is truly impossible, and caregiving for more than I is also extremely difficult, even if you have assistance from others. As a caregiver for 3, I find that it takes an incredible emotional toll on you, and you cannot provide adequate care. I live in Fl, and would be glad to provide you with any kind of assistance..I can start researching some additional help for you. Just email me the details, and I can offer suggestions.