My DW aid just informed me that after I said hello to my DW and went into my office to work that she asked her "Who's that guy"?
Now I know that she has forgotten that we were married and she does forget who I am now and then, but it seems this is going to be an ongoing reality for her and she will forget me completely.
I wonder how you who have had this happen to you, deal with it emotionally.
I'm pretty devastated right now. It really hurts. I know I have to get over it and get on with life and caring for her, but I just want to get out of here and run away. Emotionally that is....
I had to take her to the ER Friday night as her right knee was swollen and with her recent bouts with blood clots her Doctor didn't want to take any chances. Turns out it was just the swollen knee, and the ultrasound showed no clots in her legs. I was elated.
Not so much now. It could explain her very aggressive behaviors over the weekend. Punching, shoving, hitting, grabbing things to break or throw at me or the aids. She kept saying she wanted to "Kill me!". In the past 3 years of caring for her, I have never heard my heart break. I did today.
guitarguy, aww. i know the feeling when they dont recognize you. i am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed yet with another loss. did by chance they check her urine while at the ER? you know out of ordinaary aggressiveness can mean uti too. if you can get the AZZO strips at the local pharmacy to check it yourself it may let you know upfront if a call back to the dr is warranted. sometimes the added nastiness can be explained sometimes not. my opinion only but if her demeanor doesnt get better i''be be on the phone for a med chat with dr. i couldnt put up with that behaviour for very long stretches without meds.
Thanks Divvi, I should have asked Friday night. I could kick myself for forgetting. But I do that a lot, and I just chalk it up to Caregiver's Dementia. I have the strips. Just need to figure out how to get her to sit on the toliet so I can check.
Faye,
Thanks so much. I really needed to hear how somebody dealt with this. We've been married over 15 years and I've known her for over 17 years. She was, is my best friend. I just have to get it together but right now, I'm a real mess. Behold the Guy who cries!
I’m sorry guitarguy. Its the disease talking, not her.
I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the day when my DW forgets who I am. Several times she has asked “Are we married?” and “What’s your name?” It really does break the heart to hear your LO of years ask such a question.
On the lighter side, my DW did ask me yesterday who has been her longer the dog or me? LOL
GG, we all feel your pain. I cannot soothe your heart or feelings but please know I sympathize/empathize wIth you and your situation. When DH and I were in CT visiting family, we went to bed one night and I asked him did he know who I was. He said he thought I was his wife, but he didn't know my name. It broke my heart and I cried silently until he fell aspleep. I said to my self "get used to it, that's the future YOU'VE chosen" but it didn't make it any less heartbreaking. <<HUGS>>
Thanks LFL.. that must have been so painful. I know this is our future.... it's ok... I don't like it.. I don't think I will ever really accept it.. too much like surrender to me... but I will live with it. I know one thing about myself.... I have always been able to 'adjust' to what life throws my way....So I need to work through this period of adjustment... Semantics... maybe... just the way I look at it... <<HUGS>> back at ya!
it may be easier to catch some urine in a clean cup then do the test from that sample. just make sure you use a very clean one so no bacteria contaminates it. good luck. done this many times myself. be sure to read the test strip at the right time. i think its 2 min after you dip it but check directions
Doctor called back. I told him I have the strips but can't get her to sit down on the toliet to catch urine. How do you check for a UTI when they are incontinent? I mean she can sit on the toilet at times, but she resists so much.
I told him about her behavior, so he put in a script for an antibiotic. He's treating her as if she has a UTI. We are seeing the Neuro next Monday, and I have made an appointment with a pysch to go over meds and any adjustments that may be needed.
She was VERY upset today while I was getting her changed, she sure did know my name.... She was yelling my name out loud and cursing me all over the place. Very physically aggressive. She is very strong. Gotta check to see if I have any Advil left.
if they are unable to give or to get a clean urine sample and you suspect uti the only other real way isnt a good one either. catheter. and so you'd have to take her into the drs office for that. not fun . they would probably have to give something to calm her down like ativan or such. aka my DH always got a small dose to allow them to cathether him.its good your dr is working with you. if shes got one the meds will clear it up. always something! hope shes better soon then you will be too. divvi
Hospitals use a little plastic container that fits on front of toilet bowl to catch urine without catching feces. It works most of the time. You might be able to get one at a medical supply company, or check with your local hospital. It's much harder to get a urine specimen from a woman than from a man, particularly ones with AD.
GG, I understand the pain of them not knowing who you are. My DH started doing that about a year ago. Would even ask every woman he saw, "Are you my wife?". This has continued. He is in end stage, but this week he has been aware of who I am...does not call me by name, but says I am his wife. One of the days that broke my heart a few months ago, was when he pulled off his wedding ring and gave it to me. I tried to talk him into putting it back on...but he would not! I go see him every day.
Gutar guy, I know how you feel. I started a discussion on the Canadian board called goodnight Marilyn. I was extremly sad the night I wrote about it. Basically My DW just disappears shorty after supper. She goes in the bathroom then sneaks away upstairs to her bed. I am not allowed in her room (just in emergencys) she has a PSW twice a week. I just sit by myself at 5:30 every night and say goodnight Marilyn, then cry to myself. Life is very lonley. On a good day she is awake about 7 to 8 hours.
Thanks all... My DW just wants to get out... she rarely sits still and trying to put the ice pack on her swollen need is a real challenge. She simply does not want to do ANYTHING that I ask her to do for her own good, because she gets so angry with me.
I am going to need to put my heartbreak on hold for awhile... she is still very aggressive and violent yesterday and this morning. Started the anti-biotics yesterday.
How long before (on average) do you see a change after a UTI is treated?
I gave her all her meds this morning about 7:30am. I crushed them and put them in a breakfast sandwich for her. She slept on the sofa all night as she did not want to sleep in the bed. I slept on the recliner. Not too bad as we both were able to sleep through the night.
She just went through a 45 minute I'm going to kill you punching episode. She kept saying, " You did this to me." She knows who I am and she continues to be quite articulate when she is angry. She really got bad after the Home Aid came in. She seems to be jealous of her. I'm almost getting used to this, but I hope it goes away real soon as I am running out of Advil.
GG, Is you wife on Seroquel? If not you might want to check with her doctor and see if they will calm her down. If not Seroquel maybe there is something else he can prescribe for her. I hope you can find something so you do not end up being a punching bag indefinitely. Good luck.
in our case, antibiotics start with 24hrs i can see a difference. dont miss any! maybe in applesauce to make sure she gets the whole dose ? or in pudding.
i agree with jean if she doesnt improve on antibioitics its not uti probably. and i would definately get with dr about something else to calm her down. that behaviour is not acceptable and you will wear yourself out soon.
Jean, Yes she is on 100 MG of Seroquel. 50 mg in AM 50 in the PM. I can give her an extra 25 which I will start doing today.
I do notice a slight difference in the past several hours... very quiet right now. She had a short burst but only lasted a few minutes, but no hitting.
Divvi, Yes I will make sure she doesn't miss a dose. We have some appointments in the next few weeks and I will ask for something else. Any suggestions as to what you have all seen work? she was on paxil, but only worked for a couple of months. The Keppra that she is taking seems to be very sedating, but I believe she is getting used to it now.
GG--I was told by hb's neuro that the max dose of Seroquel is 300mg/day (of course he is probably a bigger person than your wife). It may be that the 100mg was not working and even the extra 25 may not, talk to the doctor. My hb has been on 150/day and now I'm giving an extra 50 as needed. I think they like to use Seroquel with dementia patients because it is usually effective and relatively safe (although there is some possiblity of shortening life expectancy, but I feel it's worth it).
Well it isn't a UTI. I thought the violent behaviors my wife has been displaying the past week and a half were possibly due to a UTI. After the doctor prescribed an antibiotic, I thought I would see some improvement. I haven't. She is getting worse. Hitting, punching, biting picking objects to hit me or the aids with. My whole body is sore. I can't think, I can't work.
I put an urgent call to her doctor this morning to see if possibly we can increase her dosage of Seroquel. She is on 125MG a day. She has been on this for 5 months now. Seems to be less effective than it has been.
Any suggestions would be appreciated as I am having a REALLY hard time dealing with. I have tons of patience, but I am afraid she my hurt herself at this point. She "rushes" at me at times to try an knock my block off, and she is very unsteady and could slip and fall.
Seroquel has beed increased to 200mg a day... 100mg 2 x a day.. doc also wrote a script for Haldol to use as needed.... Bluedaze my DW was on risperidone... didn't help her
i am glad to hear you got something else to counteract her behaviour. if this doesnt calm her dont be afraid to keep bugging the dr! something should work eventually. you cant keep this up. good luck, GG.