Saturday morning I got up to my DH sitting at our dining room table working on a word search that I had gotten him. He said he wanted to stimulate his brain and he used to love word searches. I noticed that he had 3 words highlighted and told him it looked like he was on a roll. He very flatly remarked that he had been working at it for an hour and that he couldn't recognize the letters or find the words. He also said he worked on a jigsaw puzzle that I had started but that the pieces kept him confused that he couldn't find a single match. He was frustrated to say the least. Then he got dressed and hollered at me to help him find his tennis shoes. I showed him where they were hanging on the shoe rack and he informed me that he couldn't see them unless they were on the floor where they belonged. (they have been on the shoe rack for a year). A little later my brother came over to visit and play on our xbox360 with kinect. We had a good time doing that altho I had to wake DH up a couple of times to play. No big deal. Ate lunch and my brother left. DH then went to the grocery store which is 7 blocks away and also got gas in the car. He came home very despondent and almost in tears because he screwed up at the gas station and couldn't figure out which pump to use. Finally got it figured out by himself. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he asked me if he had been like this when he worked (retired 5 years ago). I told him that I knew he had some problems at work but nothing at this level. Then he said "Everything I used to know how to do is gone. Where did it go? How long have I been this way?" Then he went to bed for a nap. After he slept for about an hour he came into the living room, sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with his arms crossed. He had no expression what-so-ever on his face, would not acknowledge me or our granddaughter and her friend who came busting into the house. This went on for about an hour. Then it was like he woke up. He said that he tried to talk to the girls but just couldn't and he knew he had been rude. We talked a little about what went on during the day, then everything was back to "normal". We enjoyed the rest of the evening watching football games.
This morning he was pissy for about an hour then apologized and said he would try to do better...that he didn't know why he does the things he does. My DH is a very mild mannered man and has never ever done things to make me cry. I told him that I knew it wasn't "him" doing and saying the things he did but he doesn't believe me. He thinks he can fix his brain and everything will be fine again. How do i tell him that it can't be fixed and that nothing will ever be fine again?
My hb thinks that doing his word searches every day, most all day, will help his brain. It may being helping him to keep alert - I don't know. Twice we have gone out to the flea market and he doesn't remember. Today we were walking down the road and he asked if we had done all the vendors on the other side. He had no memory of us having gone down the other side of the road. This happened last week - we had done a couple areas of vendors and when we went by an hour later to dinner he had no memory of it. Yet this evening he remembered driving to another town yesterday.
My dh isn't to that point yet but yesterday really scare both him and I. The funny thing is he can remember doing odd things but doesn't know why he does them.
I wouldn’t ever tell him that “it can’t be fixed and nothing will ever be fine again.” You know how painful that knowledge is to you, you certainly wouldn’t want to increase his stress or anxiety by forcing him to accept that reality. I would just tell him that with his condition, he is going to have good days and bad days. And the most important thing for him to remember is how much you love him and that you are going to be there for him no matter what kind of day he is having. I think our spouses need all the reassurance we can give them.
I also think I would put away those puzzles and anything else that is going to highlight his deficits. Try to find something else that he still can do – puzzles with larger pieces, gardening, putting together photo albums, cleaning windows, cutting coupons, etc. Tell him you are feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate it if he could help you by folding the laundry, or reorganizing the pantry, cleaning out a closet, emptying the dishwasher, etc.
I know how heartbreaking it is to watch them lose their abilities. You just have to keep adjusting, and stay strong for him.
I think this is one of the worst stages of the disease. They know enough to know that they have loss a lot and know that they will loose more and there is nothing to stop the progression of the disease. This stage is cruel and I can not image what they are going thru. Acceptance of the situation is difficult, to admit you are powerless to control what is going to happen in the near future. To come to terms with what that means, your lives are going to change forever and you will need help as you move forward. You learn to live each day as it comes, some days are fine other are filled with havoc. One day they can do something the next day they can not, then the next day they can do it again. It is like a wave that crashes to the shore and smashes all things in it's path, then it pulls back and there is a moment of calm, while the wave is building and ready to smash the beach again. The waves do not stop till all is destroyed.
I don't know what is worse, our LO's realizing that there is "something wrong" or like mine, not acknowledging the fact at all. I know that deep down he knows that something is wrong, but it's NEVER talked about. The neurologist told him the dx of early dementia, but he refused to believe that he had any "memory problems". ANytime I tried to bring up the subject he got angry, so we just don't talk about it. I'm fortunate that he stopped driving about 3 years ago on his own.
My DH reads..and I think he understands what he reads when he reads it though sometimes he asks an elementary question about something he reads or what a word means when he was always a wordsmith. He looks at the word search puzzles I play and then once in a while will try to hunt a word but he has never been interested in these kinds of puzzles.
He never talks about his condition or what he can't do. He still thinks he can lick a bear with one hand tied behind his back LOL. At other times he will mention " I am getting old". What gets to me is when he is watching TV..I can never be sure if he is getting what he is seeing or just staring at the screen. What he does like to watch are all those shows like Bounty Hunter, or Cops or military history about Hitler..what is with enjoying the violent types of programs? He has never been violent, it is not his nature. I hope he is not getting tips...
How I found out that my dh was not understanding TV: I waited to a spot in the program that I knew was going to be exciting...I said I had to go to the bathroom...when I returned I asked him to explain to me what happened...Example: Did the husband kill the wife?? When he tried, but he really couldn't tell me what happened, I knew he couldn't follow the story line. I have tried this several times. Same all the time can't understand.