I really can identify with you Joan. I am in need of knee surgery, bladder surgery, and have back problems. But who will take care of DH while I have these things done. Our friends who would be happy to help all are getting to the age where they have health problems as well. Our kids have young children and can't leave work or family and live across the country. I mull this over often. So far I have put off taking care of my health and know that things aren't going to get any better.
I need to have a previous artificial knee re-done. I tentatively planned this for next summer, after our older daughter has retired and can be with me for an extended period. Now I think I may also have to have a shoulder replaced. I'll find out in a couple of weeks how long I can put that off.
I put off my own health issues during DH's downslide and then finally the waiting for him to settle down after placement. Finally had extensive oral surgery which just added to the holiday depression. Want to work cataract surgery into the schedule this spring, but I've discovered it's hard to plan for any definite time for just about anything.
Since DH's hospitalization and Dx in Aug-Sept 2006, I've managed 2 colonoscopies, an umbilical hernia repair with a complicated healing, 12 teeth pulled and a denture made, a broken foot, Lymphedema therapy, a toe amputation, a twisted knee and a lamed shoulder. Did everything outpatient or at home (as appropriate). The fact that other things could happen is why I am restarting my search for a back up plan. Promises that more help will be forthcoming when needed, don't feel very secure. I need to know there is a plan.
Flying by the seat of my pants...No back up plan...Nearest help 400 miles away...Getting sick is my biggest nightmare. Put me on your prayer lists. Ask my doctor about this and he said don't worry. We will admit him to the NH and I am trying to avoid that. I'll think about this tomorrow.
Don't forget we all probably will need someone to pay our bills if we had to be down and in the hospital for an extended stay. We provided for this with a trust account that has money for all the things that might need to be done.
A dementia facility not too far from us provides respite care which can be used when caregiver has health issues or just wants to get away. Of course, it's not inexpensive; but in an emergency for a short time it would work provided transportation for all is available, I suppose.
Well, I got pretty angry about having to put my own health on the back burner, so I wrote a new blog today about having the surgery. I invite you to log on to the home page to read it, and to post comments under this thread.
Today I saw my Dr. and am scheduled for PT starting next week. I called the VNA and will have someone come in 3 hours a day 2 or 3 days a week. I will cut back on some other non essentials to cover the cost. It will be worth it to both of us.
All this is the reason for my 2011 Resolution---Revolution. We have all seen the concerned comments about Alz taking both the victim and the Caregiver. We are the ones who have to turn that around. Taking both is the Dementia 'WIN'. When we get our LO through this with dignity, surrounded by love, and SURVIVE to have an AFTER--we WIN.
When we take care of ourselves our LOs get the best care we can provide because we are up to the task. There is absolutely no shame or guilt to be associated with getting help, nor with taking care of ourelves. The guilt and shame should be in not doing so. There is a funny thing about us that makes us think that if we don't do it all ourselves we are failing our LOs. The reality is that as long as we see that everything they need is provided we have done the job, regardless of whose hands washed the dish, mopped the floor, changed their Depends, or ran the laundry. We are in a war, and we have a much better chance for a quality "WIN" when we bring in the troups, instead of trying to go solo.
Of course you have to take care of yourself. How can you take care of your husband if you are not able. Remember, what they tell you on the airplanes about putting on your oxygen mask first. Take care of yourself. You are fortunate to have a sister who can come and that your DH can do things for himself.
I liked Joan's blog; I like the FIGHTING SPIRIT of those who've posted. I pray all caregivers can get whatever help is needed when it's needed--not before we collapse. After living/caring unselfishly for so long, it's hard to say "me first," but that's what we must do. My understanding of this is coming slowly, but surely.