Recognizing that Caregivers are a group with a tunnel vision focus on certain areas of their commitment, and having become an advocate for changing those negative limitations through the battle to overcome them in myself, I resolve to try even harder to foster a Revolution In Caregiver Focus.
I resolve to continue my steadfast commitment to promoting the necessity of enlisting assistance at the earliest opportunity, This does not in any way negate the Caregiver’s ability to do any and/or all work required, but rather to facilitate the best use of the Caregiver’s time and abilities and permit the Caregiver’s total focus on those things only she/he must/can take care of.
Further, I resolve to promote, in myself and others, the understanding of and necessity for “taking care of ourselves FIRST.” I heard the words. I understood the words. I ignored the words. BUT I LEARNED.
It has been a hard lesson to assimilate and even harder to act on, but it is a key truth to our success as Caregivers to our spouses. I (we) do not have to give up everything. I (we) do not have to allow ourselves to be isolated. As hard as it is, I (we) can keep some things for ourselves. It may mean having to have help with our spouse’s care or sending them to a Day Care. It may mean leaving them with a “sitter” like we did with our children. It also means we have lunch with friends, go to a grandchild’s school play, take a class, or volunteer somewhere. We stay connected with the world we eventually will rejoin. This is a vital part of the portion of the battle we are in. Our battle with the Dementias is twofold. First, we will see our spouse through to their end in dignity, surrounded with love. Second, we will survive and pursue our AFTER, whole, with new Dreams unfolding.
And so, I resolve to further a Revolution in Caregiver Focus. In 2011 I will do something (small or large) for myself, everyday, and encourage other Caregivers to do the same, so we can be the best Caregivers possible and see our spouses through in the best possible way.
Bravo, Carosi. During the past year I put off taking care of my personal health and wellbeing to the point that I now have irreparable nerve damage. Likely if I would have given my body the attention it needed early on and had my surgery months earlier I would not be in this shape. A hard and sad lesson to learn.
I think many of us are guilty of NOT putting ourselves first and unless we do, we will not be able to see our spouses through in the manner we originally planned. I planned to keep DH home until the end and now my personal health situation prevents me from doing so.
Although he lives away from me, I am still his primary caregiver, his advocate and his last link to who he was.
Well-I lost the love of my life. In his honor I will continue in his steps to mentor kids, donate blood, help my neighbors and most of all continue to educate anyone who crosses my path about the need for further research to cure this terrible disease. Bless us everyone.
This is a very encouraging discussion. One that really did need to be said. Thanks to all three of you for sharing your beautiful insight into caregiving. I have also read and heard what caregivers need to do for themselves but don't always do it. I seem to wait to get that long needed break until I explode and feel horrible about what this disease is turning me into. I don't want to do this for another year. I pray that I can be a stronger person and do better for myself and my dh and family. I ask for prayer from all of you. Please continue to share your thoughts and issues to help strengthen all of us. I am praying all of my alzheimer family have a very rewarding, accepting year. May God Bless all of us with love and understanding. Good night and Happy New Year.
Kudos on this thread! I will join you, arm in arm, in this REVOLUTION! I have hit my bottom in depression, suicidal ideation, and anxiety. I WILL NOT die or allow my spirit to die, because of my husbands illness. He wouldnt want it to be that way either. I will march into the world and make friends, learn new things, continue therapy, take care of myself. He will always be my number one commitment, but I no longer will allow MYSELF to be sacrificed on the alter of dementia.
Remind me of this thread later..in case I forget that I PROMISED to care for myself first, in order to be a more balanced caregiver..
Carosi, you have done our friends a great service.....insisting that this disease only take one victim. That has been my mantra during this whole process.....
Thank you, Carosi. You are so right. Let us not forget that we need care as well, and we must be the ones caring for ourselves. I say that, but every time there is something I need to do, my first thoughts are about him and how we will get through it. Somehow we do. There is a time coming up when I have to have some surgery; I hope I can take care of it in a timely manner. Each time I say I can't do it now, I will re-read Carosi's resolutions and work harder to be an advocate for myself.
Bev---the question isn't "How we will get through it?" The statement is "We have to get through it---now how?" Then start making arrangements and asking for any available assistance. When I had my umbilical hernia repaired (out patient) there was a small complicato during healing, but for us it was big--wound care I could't do myself, and DH couldn't do for me. Told the Dr.'s Office. They sent a Nurse 3 times a week, and my Mom came once on the weekend 3 weeks running.