My husband has taken a turn for the worse. He keeps talking about leaving me and going to Illinois where his two sons live even though he has little contact with them. I am afraid he will call a cab and go to the airport and just get on a plane. Would a conservatorship be the method I would need to stop him?
What stage is he? It sounds like early on and he is in denial. Take the credit cards and the keys and hide them. I would need much more info about him and what is going on. What drugs is he on? He thinks running away will solve the problem?
Judith-if you don't have legal guardianship I doubt that you can stop him. Call his sons and give them a heads up. I don't know where you live but most airports are shut down. With the backlog of ticketed customers he won't be able to get a seat.
He is middle stage.(5 some 6) He doesn't drive the car. He is not in denial...he just thinks if he leaves here he will be better....duh. He thinks the son-in-law is going to come to the house and beat him up. Son in law wouldn't hurt a fly and has no need to beat dh up. He also thinks son-in-law has stolen things out of the garage...but he can't tell you what. Sleeps most of the time. He is 63 and been dx for 4 years. Takes Amenda and Razdyne. Can't follow directions an can't remember what he was told 10 mins. ago. I am wanting to know what kind of legal protection I need to seek to keep him with me or what I need to go get him if he leaves.
I don't believe there is actually a legal procedure that would "keep him with you" but I am not a legal expert. I would suggest you talk to a lawyer (or a police officer). Frank (Phranque) has open communication with his local police department and they have a heads up on his wife's condition. If she is found "out and about", they know who to call. Maybe he can help you better than the rest of us. Paranoia is a HUGE phase many experience with AD. I would suggest you talk to the children and the police to get them aware of the goings on. Might need a doctor's statement to back up your concerns. Develop a dialog with his doctor and he will become your most valuable advocate in your caregiver journey. Most doctors can write a statement that would say that he has been diagnosed with a neurological disorder etc. The doctor could possible up his meds to take the edge off his paranoia. I will always swear by the good we received from Seroquel. It saved "both" of us. I understand that the Black Box warning says not to give it to people with dementia, but trust me!!! all of the top docs are using it. That warning is a CYA for the drug companies. I always suggest to the Seroquel doubters they read the Black Box warnings on Aspirin... that one is equally discerning.
I can understand your fears. I can only share with you what I did and what a few others have done. You should take a photograph of him with a typewritten statement of his condition to your local police station and they will keep it on file should he disappear. They will then send out his picture on the wire to all the officers and they will be able to locate him. It's all part of the Caregiver's quest to keep our LO's safe.
if it were me i'd be callling his dr and explain the new concerns = getting him on meds asap that can help relieve the stress hes having. i would first address this as it may help curb his intentions of leaving. getting dead bolts on doors is another factor just in case he decides to leave at night. all else fails and he really tries to leave you may could try having him taken by ems to a psyche ward for medication modifications? some of the others have resorted to this but i think they will have more input on how to go about it without police involved or violence an issue. i would definately have on hand a letter from his neurologist attesting to his neurological disorder and inablity to make decisions. if you have DPOA have that with you as well to make decisions for him. then i would contact an atty and ask about how to go about conservatorship and become informed on the steps needed. if your spouse protests it can be challenging at best to get this done without alot of extra actions and costs. trying to stay one step ahead of them on medications is always a good choice just to try to divert from these types of stressful situations we can find ourselves. i had ativan on hand just in case of sudden impulses but rarely had to use it - hope you find some answers. i would let the kids know that he is aggitated and if they hear from him to advise you promptly. divvi
Judith--you need to speak with his doctor asap. From what you have posted, it doesn't sound like he's on any psych drugs. I agree with Nancy that a drug like Seroquel could help relieve his problematic symptoms. My husband also has EOAD and has been on Seroquel for about 4 years--it has helped tremendously. Make his doctor aware of all the problems and ask for help.
I would go for the Seroquel first. My DH was paranoid and once in a while will bring something up but nothing I can't stand. I sure couldn't stand the hallucinations and paranoia but thanks to meds it is much easier now.
I have called his dr. and have an appt. for him Wed. He is really beginning to frighten me. His sons want nothing to do with him and I am worried if he goes from Ca. to Illinois he won't know what to do or where to go.
Judith-two suggestions: Call the Alzheimer's hotline NOW 1-800 272 3900 Call adult and protective services ASAP You need to protect yourself if your husband gets out and gets hurt. Wednesday is a long time away and you might not get him to go to the doc.
I do not think having a piece of paper will solve your problems, He is going to do what he wants to do. Until he breaks the law or endangers himself, I do not think the police will do anything, and at that point it is too late. Sounds like getting his meds changed is the best course.
I have Guardianship of my DH. If he were to take off, I would have to have the Police retrieve him, returning here, then have him transported to the Hospital for med. adjustment, on my say so. Police would be asked to assist in loading. Conservatorship is control of the financials. Guardianhip covers all, as explained to me. It is awarded after consideration by Probate Court that the named indvidual is incompetent to look out for themselves. It takes time to put it in place. The DPOA and input from his Dr. are probably your quickest ways to address this right now, but the med adjustment IMHO is imperative. Informing the Police of his condition is a smart move, to give them a heads up, in case they are needed.
I applied for Guardianship and Conservatorship for my DW. This turned out to be a very straight forward process but very time consuming and hard on my wife and very expensive. In New Mexico the DPOA power of attorney does not authorize the agent to make health care decisions for you.
Judith--Call the doctor's office today and find out how you can reach him/her by email. Send a message marked "URGENT" and spell out your concerns--things you won't be able to say in front of your husband when you go in for the appointment. If you feel you are losing control of your husband (which it certainly sounds like from your posts) I would ask about an inpatient stay for a medication adjustment (as Divvi suggested above--usually it is done in a geriatric psych ward). To my knowledge it is done as a sort of "last resort", but if you feel that either or both of you are in danger, it may be the way to go. If you think you will have a problem getting him to see the physician, put that in your email too.
I will reinterate that the Police were very glad to receive a picture of my husband with his name and basic information (diagnosis, address, physical description). If suddenly he turned up missing, they said they could begin looking for him so much quicker. Imagine, during those initial stressful minutes, having to find a picture, taking it to them, they'd scan it, then type in the info.... valuable time. I was told they wish more people would think ahead and do this. It doesn't take that much time and it's just one more thing you can to to insure his wellbeing.
We all tend to tell our LO's too much. Do not tell him you've done this. It will either make him angry or confuse him. Not discussing every little thing with my LO was the hardest habit to break, because we had always shared everything we did. I learned the word FIBLET on this site. I became quite good at it.
I would like to she him in the hospital for several days to get meds. figured out, especially if they put him on seroquel because of his heart condition. Also he has been talking abouy killing himself...I don't think he would, but who knows? Another strange thing he has been reading the phone books...looking for what?...who knows. But, I think he is looking for a way to leave here and he can't figure out how to do it.
Judith, this is so hard on you and all caregivers. My husband would look at (read???) anything. Phone books, instruction manuals he'd find,road maps... no matter. Initially, I wouldn't worry about the phone book. He may not be looking for anything at all. Another reason for a drug like Seroquel. The thoughts of suicide, paranoia, are alll phases they go through. My DH would say, "I have thought about blowing my head off, but I've not reached that point so far!" Judith, I was guilty of thinking I understood everything there was to know about Alzheimer's Disease, the effects of ameloid plaque and tau tangles, the progression, the phases, the reason button, --- and would STILL find myself asking, "why did you do that"...or "you KNOW how to do this".....Acceptance of the facts that this was gradually happening to my brilliant husband was the most difficult for me.
I don't know whether he would go to a hospital or not. In fact he has changed so much in the past several weeks I hardly know him. He gave me a look yesterday that I have never seen...it frightened me. He is like a desperate person trying to escape and he doesn't know where to go or how to get there. Very angry.
Just for information in Canada the laws sound very similar.
I have POA both medical and financial. We have conservatorship and guardian both of which are determined by a judge. Guardian covers all and takes the step most don't take. Declaring the spouse incompetent legally so that when situations arise legal right to make decisions for another person over their expressed wishes are clear.
I have not taken that last step yet. Two minutes of conversation with police or anyone will make incompetence abundantly clear. If the person can state their intentions though and I don't have legal incompetence papers then she has rights until I get that paper.
These situations don't come up often because most people are understanding such as when a child makes decisions for a parent in a nursing home. They have no legal right to do so. But most people work with the situation as they see it.
Just one more point that comes up suprisingly often. A joint account with the right of survivorship is complete access. Wills, POA's, or guardianship do not supercede that. In life the other person has complete access to all funds in the account and upon death those funds are deemed to be the other person's property. I suspect it may be the same down there in the US. It's may be worth noting. Here's a decent wiki discussion of it from the american perspective further down the page.
JudithKB, I decided that I would call our local Sheriffs’ office & ask a few questions. I identified myself & told the lady I spoke with that my DH has AZ. I told her that he isn’t violent, but that I know it could happen. I asked her that if I feared for my life & I called 911 would they take him to jail or to the hospital for evaluation. She said that it would depend, but normally they would take him to the hospital. She then told me that I could have him evaluated before the fact. I would have to go to the Circuit Court & file an emergency petition to have him evaluated. He hasn’t gotten violent, but when he thinks that I’m stealing things from him he gets angry & that is getting worse. If it escalates I just might just go to the circuit court & file a petition to have him evaluated.
Tooks my dh to the doctor today and he put him on seroquel. Hope it helps with no side affects. Have to go back in a month. Dh was very testy with the doctor.
JudithKB, my DH won’t go back to the neurologist so our family Dr. prescribes the Namenda & Aricept he takes. He has started to get a bit aggressive so from what I read here I thought that maybe Seroquel was what he needed. I asked my doctor if he would prescribe that & he did. He is on a low dosage but I’m sure that it will have to be upped as time goes by. Right now he is mad at me because I won’t go to bed. He wants to go to bed earlier than I do & when I don’t go to bed at the same time he gets angry. He’ll storm off to the bedroom & lay down. If I’m really lucky he’ll fall asleep, otherwise he stays there for a while then he’ll come back to the living room & give me the evil eye. Most nights I do go to bed at the same time because I’m usually so exhausted, but on the nights I don’t he isn’t happy.
Been there, done that, Elaine. It's time to up that Seroquel. It takes the raw edges off of their temperment, or at least it worked for us. He would INSIST it was bedtime at 7:30 and I was ashamed to say I looked forward to his bedtime so I could have some genuine ME TIME. It was the ONLY "me time" I had in the 24 hour day. I didn't do anything crazy the next few hours, I just got to do nothing, or peruse catalogs, or curl up and watch a movie from the beginning to the end without him insisting we change the channel 15 minutes before it ended.
I listened again to Dr. Marshall Smith's radio interview tonight. He is extremely well spoken. One of his statements should be on billboards across the country. He said, Alzheimer's Disease is a progressive brain disease and not a mental disorder. YES!!! IF only everyone would just understand that. Their brain is diseased, they can no longer reason, but they still demand their way. We understand where the disease will take them. Why not let it be as smooth a ride as possible without agitation. Seroquel was the answer for us.
Great point, Nancy, about Marsh's statement. I think the problem is that the behaviors make AD look like a mental disorder--thus, the confusion about what it is and the stigma of mental illness is attached to it.
Nancy may I ask how long your dh had alz? How old was he when he died? I just have such bad vibes about my dh. Do all or most go into the severe phase unless they die from something else before the? I thought I knew so much...but now I feel like I know so little.
JudithKB..I like to use an analogy of alzheimers and a car.... The car runs on 8 cylinders, and all the accessories work well...then one cylinder misfires, and the car still runs, but may have trouble climbing hills, or reaching top speeds.. Soon, a few more cylinders stop firing, then the car still runs, but you will have trouble riding in it. As more cylinder stop firing, the car eventually will not move..the motor may run, but will stall when you put it in gear. Finally, the motor does not start, but you find that the radio, lights, wipers, and power windows will still work. When the battery gives out, all electrical devices stop functioning. However, you can still open the trunk, the doors, roll down the windows, and if you push hard enough, the car will roll a bit... At this point, you still have a car, but it slowly starts to rust, and stops being functional at all. It will not matter if you fill the gas tank, put air in the tires, or change the oil. The car is heading to the "car heaven", and no matter how shiny the paint is, or how well it used to drive, it is dying. Sooner or later, it will be recalled by its manufacturer....(unless it is a Toyota, who will tell you there is nothing wrong)
Thanks Pranque... your post was great. I am just in a real funk. I can usually handle most anything...it is the unknown that drives me nutty. Of course I know everyone is different but my dh has two strikes against him besides the alz...COPD and heart condition.
Judith, I don't think you ever get used to not knowing what's going to happen until they die. I assume you have thought through what the limits are on treatment of the COPD and heart condition. If you haven't, you must, must must! Read through about replacing pacemaker batteries, etc.
Judith, looking back, it's clear Foster had Alzheimers for ten years. Very obvious in hindsight. Initially, however, the doctors thought his confusion was related to mini strokes...then they began to think he had Parkinson's..and eventually about 6 years before he died, he was diagnosed with Late Stage 5 Alzheimer's Disease. He was not bedridden, had trouble forming sentences and would often use words that were NOT the word he wanted to use (saying "badeball" instead of "mail" as an example..) He knew he was saying the wrong word, but when he tried to restate it, the wrong word came out again. He was using a walker at the last..but could get from here to there with the walker, albeit slowly. Step up and down was only with help .. He had accidents when he went to the bathroom because he was 'late' getting everything down...but he wasn't full-blown incontinent. Maybe, all together, he had three poopie accidents. (whew!) One night, he had a sandwich for dinner, later experienced full blown Sundowning, arguing, kicking the wall in his room, turned all the way around in his bed (head at the foot of the bed)... so angry. Got him settled in for the night, kissed him goodnight and he was in a coma the next morning, and he lived for five more days. So, what happened, I asked! Whaaaaat????????????? No autopsy, but his doctor said he would guess that the disease reached his central nervous system (the size of a bean) next to his brain stem and experienced a full blown brain stem infarct. (stroke) Then, it took 5 days for his system to shut down completely, but it's said he never knew what hit him, never felt a thing, and was brain dead from that moment until he expired. I just wish I had known the night before. But, we never do. Lots of "if only's"......... so, just know,.... it can happen anytime without warning. Kiss him goodnight EVERY night. It might be the last kiss he will feel.