What I am NOT thankful for this Christmas morning... 1) The resulting intestinal difficulties (and cleanup) related to DH consuming a box of Russell Stover chocolates (including the wrappers). 2) The up to 4 hours a day of commuting to work and day care with the continual snowstorms we have. 3) That my Mom is out West in hospice and I am in the midwest. 4) The barking of my dogs every morning and night at meal time. 5) That DH and I are alone today.
But what I AM thankful for this Christmas morning! 1) That I hid the Godiva in a much better spot! 2) That I am employed, and DH has wonderful caregivers at his daycare! 3) That my Mom is in a great care facility down the street from my sister. 4) My dogs...what would I do without their companionship! 5) That DH and I are alone today! (We can eat even more Godiva and look at all the cute grandkid pics taken at our early celebration). Merry XMAS to all!
Good work, leaving him the Russell Stovers and hiding the Godivas. Sorry about the wrappers! Jeff only eats wrappers on things like Hershey kisses, because they're hard to peel off and he can't see them very well. The bits he doesn't eat end up all over the floor.
We had a great day. Kind of busy with people here. Jeff retreats upstairs a lot under the circumstances because dozing/vegetating in his usual kitchen chair is tough.
I was very grateful today that my wife was in good spirits and could spend time with her family. We always have Christmas dinner at my MIL house.
I am somewhat grateful that she was very aware today. Of course, she was VERY aware of what was happening to her and got very emotional when we got home and was crying quite a bit. She held me and looked at me and said essentially, "You are too young, I want you to be happy." I assured her that I was. She was always and still is, such a caring and loving person. Never a thought for herself, only for others. Even now. The true spirit of Christmas. I love her more every day. She is my greatest gift.
Merry Christmas and may God bless us, each and every one.
Have just had a good Christmas day. Younger daughter, husband, and 2 sons got here yesterday. This morning we opened stockings - Santa did come. Older daughter and husband arrived this afternoon. Had rib roast, etc. dinner tonight. My wife did very well. Seemed to enjoy all the confusion. I just got her to bed. The family will join us for Sunday Brunch at the retirement Inn tomorrow. Then the men will watch the Patriots-Bills game, while the women, except for my wife, go shopping (mostly for food for the rest of the week). We'll do the tree gifts for everyone on Monday if we don't get separated by snow. DW and I are a 20 minute drive from where the rest are staying.
I'm sitting in silence watching the fireplace channel looking out the window at the snow. My wife has lost things in just the last two weeks and is sleeping in the chair covered in a blanket. My fat cat is laying beside me cleaning herself and I can see the christmas lights in the snow twinkling on the other eight houses on our court. The older cat is sleeping under the christmas tree in the living room where the tree with it's 250 little lights is the only thing lighting up the room.
In the sanctity of silence the mind can drift and as I look out the window I imagine myself alone. That she is gone and I am here. The feeling is hollow and empty but peaceful and I think about those that have lost their spouse very recently and realize I am only imagining. I am helping her fade as peacefully as I can and on a field of honor when it is our duty then we are on watch. It must be how thousands of soldiers felt when they were on watch on a dark christmas night.
I had five phone calls from people who thought about me on christmas day and reached out. In a half an hour I will turn on Saturday Night Live and watch a show that my wife and I have watched on and off for three decades and I'm grateful for that familiarity. I've always enjoyed solitude and quiet and I don't think her death will take that away. The fact is I don't know how I will feel except that I am tired. So is she.
The lives we lived had meaning. That is what I believe in my heart. And like all things of great value that are taken away I will find out whether I live in sorrow of what is lost or live cherishing what I had. I think of my mother and welcome her spirit if that is how things are. Those I loved who have passed will soon be joined by the most important person of all. I already know I will live to see more pass before me and think of my friend who is battling suicide and gradually losing. I don't know what makes the spirit give up or feel so embattled that it cannot go on. I am on watch. Besides I have already thought out the riddle of the glass and the riddle of the tree.
Both are right. The glass is both half empty and half full. The question is about the viewer. And the tree does make a noise. That question is about the viewer too. Life goes on without us is the answer. And life is how we see it is also the answer. It's time to make a coffee and turn on SNL and take little steps towards the life I have.
We had a really nice Christmas Day despite the dark day of clouds and more rain. We got a call at 0730 our time from Cape Town South Africa..K was having one of those round robin dinners. All the geologists she works with are from other countries so they make a big party of it...and we talked to our other two girls and some of the grandkids too. And DH had elves out..he gave me a beautiful watch for Christmas..one of those Citizen watches that needs no battery change for about 10 years! And a gorgeous ring with my birthstone..it is huge and surrounded by little diamonds and Ceylon sapphires....: D..I was amazed. He wanted to go shopping last week and our neighbor took him out..and in he went to my friend's jewelry store and she knows all the things that I have admired..some not expensive some more pricey..I was so surprised! Later we went to dinner at our neighbor's home. It was a lovely day weather notwithstanding. It was happy all day..I made a roast chicken for us for tomorrow with all the trimmings..so we will have the stuffing and cranberries and a bit of pumpkin pie too.
Let's all try to have a happy rest of the holiday season...as best we can in our unpredictable worlds.
Not such a happy Christmas day for me, we went to my daughter's house but found she didn't really want to know about us ! DH is not her father and she made it abundantly clear ( even though he has been her step dad for 30 yrs.)that she only tolerates him now he is like he is. Youngest son and family came in for tea at night and were argumentitive, so I brought DH home and put him to bed, and that was my Christmas.
I do enjoy reading your posts Wolf K.
Hope everyone had as good a Christmas as possible given the circumstances we find ourselves in these days.
I suppose this is a good time for pondering. For today I chose not to grieve for what we have lost but rather to hope we made some sort of imprint for the good. We brought three children into the world and they have turned out to be good, productive people who care greatly about those around them. We did matter!
Kind of interesting yet lonely christmas. I did not send out christmas cards this year and we got more than any year before. I think people want to show that they care, and that is a way to do that. Step Son who has not called his mom all years shows up. He is shocked by how much his mom has changed. He has eased his guilt and is off, who knows if he will visit again. The home health aid threw her christmas gift away by accident. We got her a card and put cash in it and put it in a roll top desk. I had also placed in the desk a bunch of Sunday Coupons intending to go thru them and see what might be good to keep. I never got around to them so She cleans them out of the desk, and throw them out along with her christmas gift. I did not notice the desk being cleaned till I went to get her card, and I noticed all the coupons were gone. I asked her where the coupon were and she admitted to getting rid of them. I then thought DW must have given her the gift. She did not.
We had a very subdued Christmas all in all. I had made the decision to join the Christmas Choir and am so glad that I did. I couldn't face sitting in the pew without Jim, so instead I looked down on my Mom, Son, his Girlfriend and my youngest grandson and a whole church full of people and sang my heart out. It was good to keep mind occupied. The rest of Christmas Eve was nice. We had my Daughters homemade corn chowder and calzones that I had made. Then we gathered round the tv to watch a Christmas Movie, The Search for Santa Paws, with Diego and have cookies and Egg Nog. After Jeff, Sarah, my Mom and I continued a tradition that Jeff started 2 yrs ago when Jim was in the hospital for Christmas. We sat in the livingroom around the tree and sipped Champagne and talked. We talked, until 1 am! Dee was up at 7 and we had a nice time sharing gifts. Dylan was able to come home in the afternoon and he tore threw his presents in record time. We has a nice quiet dinner, then everyone went home early. It was different, but then most everything is. It's ok, I got threw it and am grateful to have had two of my three children with me, my Mom is healthy and the little ones brought such joy. Now onto New Years........................
My children and grandchildren were here on Christmas Eve. I spent a very quiet Christmas, alone by choice. I had planned to spend the day at the nursing home, but since God chose to change my plans, I chose a quiet day alone. When evening came I lit the candles and turned out all but the Christmas lights. I put on my Christmas music and sat back and remembered how Charlie and I had spent so many Christmas evenings just like this. The hustle and bustle over and just a little quiet time to ourselves. I sat alone, but not alone. He will always be with me in spirit.
The Pastor at Christmas Eve service asked us to think about what is most important in our lives right now. We thought about it on the way home. At dinner we went around the table and everyone said what was most important to them. The general consensus was family. I agreed that family was the most important thing to me right now. And family is what I got for the next 3 days. 20 of us. Clean up and mess up, clean up and mess up. My sister and I did all the cooking. Meal after meal. DH did pretty good considering all the noise and confusion. The last of the family left after dinner tonight. My sister and I cleaned up one more time then we sat down and had a glass of wine. I told her about this website and how much information I've gained from it. We talked about DH and how much he changed since last Christmas. If things would just not get any worse I think I could handle this. My sister reminded me that I said the exact same thing last year; and things have gotten worse since then. Why is this happening? Why are so many people in their 50's getting this disease?
I thought we breezed through Christmas rather well, but DH is not doing so well today. It has taken a toll on him and I'm paying for it now. Visibly upset and irritated over everything.
Christmas was so special this year. All our children and grandchildren were here. Christmas morning was like Christmases past with kids tearing through paper and enjoying the surprise. Grandkids range from 21 months to 9 years. DH enjoyed watching but was not interested in anything he got. He does have a wicked cold which he hasn't had in a couple of years so doesn't know what to do. Refused Christmas dinner but did eat some leftovers yesterday. We are thankful for this time together. God has blessed us so much.
My DH was interested in what was sent to me but not a great deal in what was sent to him other than his sugar free chocolate nuts and chews...He got a nice book from my brother on the history of Air Force One..and as an aviator he normally would have been keen to read it..but he did like his hoodies that the kids sent.. later in life, my parents were the same way even before any illness seemed to present itself so how much is age and how much is illness I don't know.
well i spent Christmas Eve with all my children and grandkids at my oldest daughters house, we had dinner and opened presents, took alot of pictures, noticed alot of the pics had an orb in them, we all agreed it was Bob , he came to party, this is an yearly thing we do, I felt him there the entire time. Christmas was lonely, watched alot of tv, now to get through New Years Eve, was always special, he asked me to marry him on that night, having alot of great memory events come to me this season.