Over these last 5 1/2 years since my husband's dx, I have heard so many caregivers (including myself) compare their lives, or their LO's life, to a prisoner's. I thought about this when, last week, I heard an interview with a young man who served time in jail for carjacking. After a while he was released, but he said that while he was in jail, he had 17 hours a day for things like reading, studying and exercise. I was astonished! I have felt truly fortunate to have about 4 hours a day of care for my husband so that during a part of it, I can exercise or have lunch with a friend. I know that many dementia caregivers have much less "free time". I guess my point is--something is wrong with a society where prisoners have so much more "freedom" than those in our shoes.
I wonder how many older prisoners develop Alzheimer's Disease, and if they do, who takes care of them? Do they stay in with the regular population or do they have memory care facilities within the prison system?
I don't know why, but I've occasionally considered what I would do if I were in prison, and that's exactly what I think--that I'd take advantage of the enforced time to study, exercise, etc. Now, I'm not belly-aching about my life, but I will observe that doesn't afford quite the same leisure (do I hear chuckling?) but I do have a certain amount of obligatory down-time, and I try to use it to the extent that my distractible mind will allow.
I feel more like I've been returned to the life of a mother of small children--in terms of freedom restriction--than that of prisoner. We do things, but there are management parameters which, for sanity's sake, must be adhered to.
Phranque, you are right.....and I refuse to allow myself to go there...I am determined to continue my life as I take the best care I can of my husband at home. My savings might be gone before AD takes my husband, but he has very good caregivers while I am at work, and I am fortunate enough to have two volunteers for watching him so that I can run errands and get my nails done on Saturday mornings. So my life goes on as I watch "the other half of me" slowly slip away. I refuse to let AD take me with him.
I have not considered myself in a prison - however, I do consider my husband to be in a prison in his mind - that won't allow the thoughts to come out - he can't talk and tell me what he wants, needs, feels, or thinks....that solitary prison has to be the most devastating thing that can happen to a person.
That is an interesting question. My niece is a Program Manger for the Dept of Corrections in the state of Washington. Next time I talk to her, I'll ask her and see if she knows.
Emily--I've not raised a child, so I haven't experienced that life. But don't kids have playdates, don't Moms get together with each other, don't they (usually) have a partner who is home some of the time and then they have an adult conversation? I have compared this life to a single parent raising a disabled child--to me a closer situation.
I think that those of us who are fortunate enough to have daily respite, whether out of necessity--in order to hold a job--or not, definitely can cope better. The problem is that for a variety of reasons, most caregivers don't have it.
That is true Marilyn...it is hardly an exact parallel. The aspect that I find comparable is the restrictions on going out at night, or how I need to be in charge of the food for both of us, or monitor him as he goes to the bathroom--kinds of things you need to do when you're in charge of children. Because Jeff worked so much, at two different professions, as our children were growing up, I did often experience a sense of isolation and doing it on my own. Still, we had a great marriage, and he was also there often enough to be my support system. So, yes...similar in some ways, but different.
The single-parent raising a disabled child probably hits pretty close to the mark.
Except that in that situation, there are probably many free/low cost support services available, which would have to help.
Another interesting parallel--yesterday, I heard part of an interview with a couple who have a severely autistic child. At first the little boy progressed like a normal child, then started going downhill. The parents said they felt their son had left and had been replaced by an alien being. I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling, how unreal it all seems at times.
And you get 3 meals a day, housekeeping, television, exercise rooms, dental care, conjugal visits, uniforms, jewelry (handcuffs), library, and you have a lots of friends.
I have been a worker for the Bill Glass Prison Ministry and have spent 14 weekends locked up and you can learn a lot about our judicial and prison system. It astounds me how many inmates get out in a reasonable time and within a year, they return because of another crime or breaking parole. Once should be all it takes but unfortunately that does not happem for a very high percentage of recidivism.
the prisoners do have a lot of time to learn and improve their knowledge but so often, they fail to take advantage of this oportunity. Instead they work on there body building, watch a lot of TV sports and sitcoms. We need more mentoring while they are there and have some preperation for when they get out. Without good mentors, they will end up with their old cronies and whoops, here I am again, Which cell is mine?
I think as a caregiver, I also have time to improve my mental state but too often, I am just too lazy to do anything positive. Similar to prisoners, absolutely!!!!!! bill