This doesn't happen often with me, but for the last week or 10 days I've been really down. Can't seem to shake it. I'm just so sad. Can't seem to get a decent breath. My vision gets dimmer every day and this COPD gets worse. I'm using 2 liters of oxygen almost constantly day and night The blood oxygen reads 95 which is very good but yet I'm so tired and sleepy all the time.
I'm pretty sure I'm depressed but I do take antidepressants. I promised myself I wouldn't do another dinner this year but I am having about 10 in for Christmas dinner. Now that I've committed myself, I have no idea what to fix.
DH just is so confused and lost. hE WENT TO PUT THE NEWSPAPERS IN THE RECYCLE BIN i WATCHED HIM OUT THE BACK WINDOW AND HE WAS ALL OVER THE YARD. hE FINALLY CAME BACK IN AND ASKED ME WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSE TO DO. tHE RECYCLE BIN IS AROUND TO THE FRONT BEHIND A SERVICE GATE. i FEEL SO SORRY FOR HIM BUT YET HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE SUFFERING AT ALL.
i JUST WANT TU CURL UP AND HIBERNATE FOR THE REST O THE WINTER. aNYONE ELSE FEEL THAT WAY?
Mawzy - it must be in the air. People down here, including us, have complained the same thing about being so tired even though they get enough sleep. don't know what it is.
The holidays are a difficult time for many, many people. There are many reasons but for us it is our spouse. For you there is also your medical condition and vision. Even if you husband was healthy, just loosing one sight is enough to depress a person. In my book you are accepting it as the way it is. I am not saying you don't have your times of 'pity party' but because of your husband you can't have one very often. And it could be that is a large part of how you feel or don't feel - you have your problems but you also have your husbands. I would be depressed too.
As for the dinner - why not order one already made from the store? Many of the grocery stores like Fred Meyers and Safeway do it. Sure it won't be as good, but will definitely take the stress away. Or change it to a potluck and have everyone bring some of it and you can furnish just the place to gather.
Saw a T-shirt down here that said reminded me of what many here have said/felt "let's skip to January'.
I agree with Charlotte about the dinner.. I had family come for Thanksgiving the same day i got out of rehab after having my knee replaced. I SAT the whole time in the living room and they did it all. I didn't give any guidance, and of course they did fine. If you push yourself so far everyone thinks you must like to do it, and don't know when to intervene.
Have you been to the doctor about your COPD during this latest spell? Are you sure you don't have pneumonia??
But yes, it's okay to be down down down sometimes. We know you, you bounce back!!!
Mawzy, try keeping lights on in whatever room you are in. That really helps my Mom and I. I have really scaled back what I am preparing this year. I just don't have the energy or the interest. I'm doing a simple roast beef, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and am enlisting my kids to help. I do agree though that if you can afford it, purchasing a meal would be the way to to. If anyone complains tell them they can hold the dinner next year! As the saying goes, "Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter" Arms around, Susan
It is a hard time of year for many of us. I also am having our whole family for dinner, on Sunday. If all show up there will be 19. I promised myself that this will be the last time. This afternoon I asked DH to put the garbage and recycling out for tomorrow's pick up. He refused, saying no one else had put anything out. I thought it would be easier for him since he already had his hat and coat on and. It will be harder for him to put them out after dark. We went to our Alzheimer support group this afternoon. He wanted to write down what he was going to tell them, went over it with me, wrote it down, put it in his pocket, took it out looked at it, talked about it, repeatedly. Then at the meeting, we didn't talk about what we had done. He exhausts me.
This is the time of year when we see all those happily endings in Hallmark, It's A Wonderful Life and all sorts of Christmas and holiday music everywhere we go. We see what we think, since we don't really know what goes on in others lives, is a normal season for gathering of friends and family, of festive dinners and getting dressed up and going out....and then there is our world where even making a decision to put up a tree or get other decorations out, should we or should we skip a big family dinner...we fight with the " what if this is his/her last Christmas? We want this to be happy and festive" and then we realize we don't have the energy... I have been pretty down too..and then when DH was in hospital last week with a very irregular heat beat going fast and then slow, it was pretty alarming and I just decided all I want for Christmas is to have him home..I got a small tree at the grocery store and pulled out a ceramic nativity scene..no big tree this year, though we both miss it, and none of the other items. There just was not time with all the medical stuff going on and now we are pelted and drowning in this rain on the west coast... I'll fix us a small turkey with the fixings..I'll go to church alone again, we will make lots of phone calls and open a few gifts from the kids..it is a trinket year but that is good enough..he is home and I think, we will find out tomorrow, doing pretty well. It is just the season when we are all EXPECTED to be merry and bright even if we don't feel it due to our circumstances..and it is ok to have a toned down celebration and if others do not understand it is their problem.
time "I'll Be Home For Christmas"hit me between the running lights was when I was stationed for 2 years in the Far East (Okinawa)..it took on a whole new meaning and it remains that way for that song to this day.
This is my first Christms with DH in the nursing home. When I hear "I'll Have A Blue Christmas Without You", it brings tears to my eyes. I didn't put up our little tree because all of the ornaments are from trips we have taken.. Just too many memories there. I'm going out of town and spend Christmas with my family. DH still knows me but doesn't remember from one minute to the next. He doesn't even know it's Christmas time even with all the decorated trees at the home.
Oprah used to say that Christmas commercials were terribly depressing, because you watch them and realize that our life just isn't like that. Especially the one where the little old lady who lives alone is surprised by all her neighbors coming to celebrate with her, bringing gifts, food, decorations, etc. Yeah, sure. My DH has been at the Alzheimers ALF for ten weeks now, and like Carolyn, he knows me but doesn't remember I was just there, doesn't realize what Christmas even is.
All I have to do is remember WHY we celebrate Christmas.....the Birth of Jesus Christ...and I'll celebrate knowing that soon my husband will be with Him in Heaven....I can't ask for more....
Two of my children are home with me for two weeks for the holidays and we're having a great time - and continuing the traditions from their childhood (even though they are in their mid-40's) and the other son and his family are coming on the 26th for a week. We will celebrate together the joy of Christmas and our love for each other and eat until we explode.
And today I'm almost in tears because Diane isn't here with us...I have spells some days, but I know she's with us in spirit.
I've bought my husband gifts and they are under the tree...and bought his gift for me and it is under the tree as well (grin)! He won't know what we are doing, and his hands have atrophied and he can't hold anything, but we'll put the presents in his hands and "help" him open them for what is probably the last time, and enjoy our love for him.
Our attitudes need to be controlled by us....and remember that no one can make you happy but you......build another wall to protect yourself, and make a pledge to be happy and enjoy those who are living.....
I'm off my soapbox, dear friends.... I love all of you and hope that each of you has family members to be with you during the holidays....and Mawzy, I hope you are not ill.....please ask your children to do the cooking for you this year....
Oh Mushy Mary, you are such an inspiration. And you are right, dammit! I should/and not do, feel blessed to have 2 of my three children here with me this Christmas. My Mom is healthy, my Grandsons are so excited and although some traditions will change, we will carry on many that will bring back so many happy memories. We will create new ones as we add my daughter and son's significant others, to our family. We will celebrate the Birthday of Our Lord begininng with Christmas Eve Service and then have our tradiontional Christmas Eve dinner. It will be a different menu, Jim always wanted the Feast of 7 Fishes, and I can't bring myself to do that, but what is important is that we will still all gather round the table TOGHETHER. We will put our pajamas on and watch a Christmas Movie, not the one we always watched (the Christmas Story, too many memories), but begin a new tradition, with a new movie. Then after everyone else is asleep, we will continue the tradition my youngest son Jeff started last year. He & Sarah, my Mom & I will sit with only the Tree lit and share a bottle of champagne and remininse. I think it is the best part of the celebration. Then off to bed, only to be awakened by the excitement of my grandson Diego, we will miss Dylan Christmas morn, but he will join us later in the morning and we will once again experience the excitement of a child opening his gifts. So I AM BLESSED AND I THANK YOU MARY FOR REMINDING ME. Arms around and around, Susan*