Welcome to my website. Although I have not yet faced placement with my husband, many of our members have, and I know they will be along during the day and evening to tell you of their experiences.
Please try not to feel guilty. I am sure you did the best you could for as long as you could. Most spouses wait at least a year longer than they should to place their husbands/wives, and their own mental, physical, and emotional health suffers for it.
You have come to a place where everyone understands how you feel and what you are going through. I can assure you that they share your emotions and struggles. Go to the top of this page. Click on "search". Type in "placement", making sure the topic circle is filled in, then hit 'search' again. A long list of disussions on this topic will come up for you to look through.
Bob, I am not even close to placement but others have and the guilt feelings are common. those that are where you are or were will be along soon. Glad you found as we will help you through the rest of the journey and beyond.
phlbob7-I did that the first of June an I still feel guilty that she's in there an I'm free to come an go as I please but it really is the best place for them when they reach a certain stage,after a while you'll understand but right now theres a lot of guilt an thats only natural,mine is about 75 miles away an the trips give me lots of time to ponder an of course get teared up.After almost six months I see now what everyone has been telling me that its the best thing for our LOs,take heart friend your not alone,and it will take time but things do get better
Bob - Admin (Joan) is right. Most of us wait too long to place our loved one, I know I did and my health suffered for it and it did not help my dear husband in any way. It takes time. Almost always it works out, just keep an eye on things. It's the one left alone that has trouble adjusting, although there were times when I was just so exhausted that I was glad to be alone for a while. You are not alone in any of this, there's a world of people here who know just how you feel.
Bob, welcome to our 2nd home. You have landed in a most amazing place. I can tell you from experience that you will be taken in here and cared for unconditionally. We will listen, give advice, laugh with you, cry with you and send cyber hugs whenever needed. If there is something bothering you, you can rest assured that as soon as you post someone will come along pretty quickly to chat with you about it. So welcome my friend, sorry the need in there, but glad your here. Arms around, Susan PS: Anyone with a star by their name has already lost their loved one. God Bless.
Bob, yes, you'll feel guilty for awhile. My DH was placed last January. He still knows me for which I'm very grateful. He's only about ten minutes away so I go to see him three or four times a week and stay an hour or two. Hardest part is leaving. He always wants me to stay with him. I'm sure you'll be very lonely, especially in the evenings. I don't know if that will ever go away for me. BUT, It was for the best for both of us.
I am at the stage where I'm thinking about placement and the thought terrifies me ! I know we would both be better off if he was placed somewhere, but I would be so lonely, not only at night as I'm somewhat used to the evenings alone, as he goes to bed early. It is just the thought of being without him even though he is like he is, at least he's here for me to look after.
He is very bored with nothing to do all day, he's nearly blind and that stops him watching TV or reading, and the verbal books are'nt any good to him as he keeps forgetting where they are up to. He has nothing to do except follow me around, which drives me mad. His day care only operates two days a week, so that leaves five empty days.
What do other DH's find to do, without being out all day and who do'nt have any hobbies they are capeable of doing ?
Welcome Bob, this is a great site for us who have all these cares !!
I am not where you are at this time. It has to be so much worse to have to face this during the holiday time. It is bad enough adjusting to the changes while our LO is at home and trying to find a way to put the bright lights on things but this has to be really hard.
Welcome to this family where we support one another through all these changes and confusing times.
I’ve been very reluctant to place my DW (late stage six) in a care facility, however I checked out several places earlier in the year and my daughter went with me to check out two places and we agreed on the one that would be best for her. I put her on a waiting list with the thought that I wouldn’t necessarily take it when it became available. That was 4.5 months ago and I now know that it’s the best thing to do for my dear wife and for me and will definitely take it when it becomes available as she really needs 24/7 care that I can’t provide, though I sure do try.
Jerry, that seems to be the key to the decision to place, when you can no longer provide the 24/7 care needed. Bob, you've done the best you can; no one can do more than that. And yes, you will always wish that you had been able to do more. But even God rested on the seventh day, and there was more that He could have done. I bequeth all guilt to crows, who deserve it.
I also placed my husband in June and had guilty feelings at first but he is so much better and people have told me they are so glad to have me getting back to my old self. They thought I would go first, I was going downhill fast. I'm so grateful that every time I had the impulse to go get him and bring him back, I had people to talk me out of it. I am starting to adjust though I'm really lonely still. It will be okay, it just takes time.