Thinking of you FayeBay. So many crisis and comebacks seem to be the route so many of them take. My dh used to say he didn't think he would live over 2 years - and he didn't. I made a "joke" about it but he didn't reply. He was so much "with it" and seemed to understand what was happening to him but he never said he was sorry. I think he was reassured.
Some tell their spouse it's ok to let go. Not us. We were told by the hospital to make funeral preparations for our mother and bring any family that wants to see her because she was likely to die within the day. They were preparing us. She hadn't eaten in days and had no strength. She'd been in a semi coma for a week.
We yelled at her. My sister and I leaned over and let her know that if she didn't rouse herself and start eating she was going to die here and we kept asking her "Do you want that?". We left late that night and came back early the next morning (I lived 5 minutes from the hospital). She was awake. She started eating. She walked out of that hospital. They called her their miracle patient. She had a couple of good years after that. She heard us and the answer to the question we asked was NO.
We were so lucky. My father had a lot of comebacks too. He used to say he had more lives that a cat. Near the end he knew that it was his time. I don't think we ever get over these things happening to our loved ones and my sister aches three years later that my mom isn't here anymore.
I hope that your husband has a few more comebacks in him or even just one. We should not go gently into that good night. I wish I had something to say to give you strength and comfort. Don't give in to the emotions.
I'll watch for you. Talk about it. What about something warm to sip like a cup of soup or some tea?
I have different thoughts than Wolfe.I belive if a person is dying to tell them it''s OK.That ,thanks to them, you can take care of yourself,not to worry. I have seen many hold on for their love ones sake and suffer unnecessarily.Having had an out of the body experience myself,I found that facing death was very peaceful,others I've spoken with that also had the same experience say the same thing.It wasn't my time that time but I hope when it comes it will as peaceful.Incidentally,it changed my life,I don't sweat the small things,and I think ithas helped me face my DH's illness.Everyone has to find their own wayto handle death.
Well, I was certainly not going to try to "bring back" my husband to spend more time suffering from this awful disease and spend more time in a fetal position after five years of being solidly into end stage. There is no cure on the horizon and he was not a person who would have wanted to live like that.
I have no regrets for choosing palliative and comfort care only and to reassuring him that he would always be loved and missed but that he had provided well for me and that I would be fine.
Personally I have never had a near death experience, but watching the long demise of my husband at a young age made me realize that we only are guaranteed this moment and I was not going to waste time worrying about "what if" and "maybe if". I grabbed life by the tail and I am enjoying the moment and living the best life I can in honor of my husband....that's what he would want me to do.
Faye, I think that you and I are in the same boat. I expect my husband to die any day now, and yet he rallies briefly, and my hopes go up for a short while longer. Realistically, I know that he is dying before my eyes. He looks like a living corpse, yet his mind is brighter than ever. What little comfort I can offer you is that we do adjust to the inevitable, the key being acceptance, which, of course, all we can do. I sleep with my phone under my bed, but I go out to the fitness centre 3X a week.
Faye, I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I am praying for you and your dh to have peace and comfort now and until the last breath passes his lips. I am also praying that you have strength for the rest of the time you have with your dh. May God keep you and him in this hard time.
FayeBay, my Mom did this up to the end. I had to tie her to the bed and wheelchair for her own safety. The Hospice brought me a net vest that was used for her own Mother when she was in the Hospital and trying to escape from the bed. I think they are delusional. It is also very hard on the caregiver. Sorry you are having to deal with this too.
Dear Fayebay, I'm sorry that this phase is so difficult for both of you. Based on my experience as a nurse, I found that most people usually enter a final peaceful stage. I only remember one old farmer from Manitoba who fought it to the bitter end and how devastated his loving family were. They had flown out to Vancouver from Winnipeg and this strong, determined man roared his way out. Even my own mother, although she did have that final peaceful stage, had had such a horrendous death that it took me five years to get over, and then was it only because I realized it was angry at God for letting her suffer like that and could let that go.
Dear Fayebay I read the above posts of support and comfort and agree with all. Each and every person is an individual and each will have his/her own way out. Just know that no one leaves this world alive and when death does come it brings peace and the end of suffering to those afflicted. The remaining spouse will have peace when they comes to terms with that fact. The memories created when one is alive is what will eventually bring peace. Just know that however you deal with death is what is right for you. It is comfort just knowing that at this website you can find pretty much everything you need to deal with it. May God bless you both.
Oh dear, I did not mean to open old wounds on such a glorious holiday. I didn't mean to bring anyone down. I am so sorry. I don't usually open up this way but I felt that someone else might gain some insight from my experience. Caregivers need to know that they are not alone and to expect anything. I love you all and it helps me to know that this is something others go through and that we are not alone. I will be rereading your posts so that I can find strength to get through this.
I often think of this disease as one of mixed blessings. I am so sorry he can no longer eat and his time is limited and yet a part of me is glad that he can still interact with you on some level. Reading the above posts certainly shows that there are a variety of thoughts and feelings about this out there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.