Thunder, those 3 words really say it all. Charlie's funeral was today and was well attended by everyone who mattered. The service was beautiful and I was surrounded by loving family and friends. I loved him with all my heart and will miss him until the day that I die. But, underneath it all, I have an such great feeling of relief. For those of you who have already lost your spouse, did you feel this way? Is it normal? I almost feel guilty even thinking it.
No, Edis, don't feel guilty....it is a relief...it is such a long hard journey and the suffering is so great that to know Charlie is at peace and nothing can hurt him anymore is a wonderful feeling.
Just remember to take good care of yourself....hugs......
I felt relief too... Sharon was always afraid that she would be a burden and the end stage was what she feared most. I could see fear in her sometimes and I know in my heart that she wanted to go. When she finally passed I was happy for her. But I still cry everyday. When she was well I shared her life. When she was sick I cared for her. Now I have nothing. I miss her so damned much.
I have been dealing with DH in the hospital last week so am way behind on the news. I was so sorry to read about the loss of your Dear Charlie..You were a terrific caregiver and he knew it right to his last minutes. He loved you so as you did him. I wish you peace and comfort at this most special time of year. Arms Around...
Edis, I am so sorry for you loss. I agree with the feeling of relief. When my husband died, I was so relieved that he was not in pain any more and not in a shell that was tying him to a wheelchair and preventing him from enjoying life. I miss him a lot, but I don't miss what he had become in that chair. I grieve for all the things that he won't get to do in his life and the things that we might have shared. I am also happy that we had a full life that we enjoyed together. It has been 2 months today since he went. I was told that I will get to a point where the grief will really hit me. Haven't got there yet and am starting to find a life and enjoy it again. I do have my moments but that is okay.
I made a promise to myself that only one person would go in his grave - him. I know that he would want me to live and enjoy life. When I walk over the rainbow bridge to join him, I want to make sure that I have lots to talk about.
When my mom passed from cancer, my Hospice advisor told me the same thing...that at some point the grief would hit me. I told her that I had already griefed and that I was glad my mom's suffering was over. I never did greave.
Mary, the same with me - my Mom died in Oct. But I had already grieved over the past 5 years when she was in a nursing home - and had so many problems and pains. I as so glad her suffering was over, so - no I didn't grieve when she passed away - it was already done.
I agree!. I will always my love my Charlie. I miss him terribly but I believe my grief is spent. For 3 years I have watched him suffer and die. I am sure that I will have my moments but I do believe that the worst is behind me. God bless all of us.
I thought I was done grieving until my husband actually died. It was still a kick in the stomach. This is my first year of "firsts" and each one still hurts.
My sincere sympathy for your loss and know that my prayers are with you. I feel relieved that my husband is no longer suffering but I also miss him very much. The grief for me comes in waves and I still hear his voice and feel him veiling me. Its been hard for me to move forward but I am trying. I know you will find comfort in knowing that you were there till the end, as I have. Arms around.
Edis: " But, underneath it all, I have an such great feeling of relief. For those of you who have already lost your spouse, did you feel this way? Is it normal? I almost feel guilty even thinking it."...The "guilty" feeling does indeed overwhelm me at time, BUT, my Cliffy is SAFE and in the ARMS OF JESUS...All is well with HIS soul...And, in time, all with be well with my soul as well...Christmas has been good, but just TODAY, I found myself weeping and really sad...the "busy-i-ness" of life keeps your focused on something other than your loss... But then that busy-i-ness goes away...it's THEN that you may feel (as I did) ALONE and SO SAD...I hoping for brighter days ahead for YOU, Edis, myself, as well as ALL who have lost their loved ALZHEIMER's love this past year, and in the years before...LOVE and PRAYERS to you...xoxo
natsmom - I think when you feel 'relief' it may be cause you are thinking more of your spouse. when the grief and loneliness comes it is for ourselves and what we miss.
I have had many people die in my lifetime and that is how it has been with me. When I think of my mom I can cry cause I miss her. But, having watched her last years of 'no quality of life, not knowing anyone or even being able to do more than just sit and drowl' I am relieved and happy.
This sounds right, Charlotte...My daughter left today to go back to NYC (we had xtra days together after Christmas because of the blizzard) and I have found it difficult to concentrate all day long...just trying to work, yet getting "off course" time after time after time and my thoughts are all over the map ~ Anxiety seems to be rampant in my heart, throat, and mind...it's soooo quiet...