I would like to urge each and every one of us to "Make Memories now". Someday, if not already, we will be alone. I am alone now. Memories flood my heart multiple times a day - every day - and most are good memories. I remember the bad but they are overshadowed by the good. I don't think anyone can have a complete life of "only good Memories". We are all human.
During the holiday season it is easy to let ourselves be "overwhelmed" by the stress of buying gifts that will seldom be appreciated. After finding most of my "gifts to the kids and grandkids" in a garage sale - unused - or packed away somewhere - I decided to stop buying gifts - basically. When they are young it is different but when they reach the tweens and above most would rather have the money and buy clothes for themselves. I gift the grandchildren at Thanksgiving with their Christmas money and they very much enjoy going to town and shopping for themselves. I don't buy for the adults. I do take them to events and dinner several times a year, other than at Christmas. This Christmas I am taking all skiing for a couple days. It is a good bonding time for all of us. Next year we may go to a nice B & B in a nearby Amish town. Christmas shopping may not be stressful for you and if it isn't, I say, march forward and do your thing. Some people enjoy that and that is great. My dh did not enjoy Christmas and that in itself was stressful for all of us. He did not enjoy sharing our kids with their in-laws on Christmas Day so he "pouted". The kids have not forgotten.
It does not have to be something big. Simple is often best. I would be willing to bet most would be more than thrilled to open small packages of candy or other treats than a t-shirt or pair of pants. What the heck, just buy the t-shirt and pants another day. Some little trinket. A milkshake for both of you. I drove my dh to Mc ever morning for a iced vanilla coffee which I talked him into trying one day and then the next day and until he got "hooked" on it and that was then one of the few things he enjoying doing. Driving through the drive-through and having his coffee and sausage biscuit. We went inside until it got to be too much for him to do. Mary does this for her dh when she takes him for his hospital respite. She will always have this good memory.
Remember the elderly gentleman in a recent e-mail going around, who visited his wife daily in the NH even though she did not know him? His answer was "but I know her". Memories.
A friend of my daughter's posted on her Facebook at Thanksgiving about she and her sister spending the day before Thanksgiving with their father, cooking. Making Memories. Good Memories help sustain us "after". Take care...Make Good Memories
I started something last year with my four daugthers,I told them no more presents from me or for me,I donated $500 to the church to a needy family an the card just said from the four sisters,this year I told the oldest it was her turn an she picked the local soup kitchen,the holidays have lost they're luster for me since Chrismas was my LOs favorite time of year,my girls are between 44 an 50 so I'm thinking we all have everything we need lets help someone that really needs it,they might not agree now but I'm sure as they get older it will mean more
I agree,Lois. And, ol don, we started doing this several years ago. Unfortunately, we have to change it this year. Since my son had the pancreas and kidney transplant, he is in debt for 3 lifetimes to the transplant center, so we are helping him this year. But he has given so much over the past years to others not so fortunate, now I feel it is his turn. These will all make memories to last forever.
This thread reminded me of my mother...she always said..."make all the good memories while you can because when you get old that is all you will have and they will be a blessing". My mother died on Christmas eve a number of years ago and it still makes Christmas a difficult time for me.
I know what you mean, Judith. My mother died on Dec 23, twelve years ago and I will always miss her. DH never cared much for Christmas and because of the normal sadness this time of year brings me, I have allowed myself to wallow in it for all these years.
This year with DH in a care home and all the sadness that brings, I was well on my way to a bigger pity party than usual. Then one day recently it came to me...it's not about ME. It's about others...so this year I decorated this lonesome home and have small gifts for family. I've delivered treats to all the local folks, police, firefighters, etc. I'm going next week to my sons three hours away and staying until the 30th. I'll be staying in a hotel at night so if I have bad moments I can excuse myself and not dampen their joy.
I plan to make this the start of a new Christmas tradition...one of enjoying the season and doing for others. I think my mom will be very happy to see this change. She never would have wanted me to be down during this season. The two of us enjoyed it so much together for 50 years. I hope you can find some joy this year, too.
Great news Weejun. Continue the tradition you started with your Mother. Today is the First day of the rest of our life. My Dad was buried on my December Birthday 50 years ago, the same as my Husband last year.
Once Mary started to have memory problems, we planned trips every six months. When I put together a video for her viewing in the funeral home, I had pictures of her in Hawaii, Alaska, Yellowstone, Amsterdam, the Grand Canyon, etc. I can kind of trace the progression of her disease by remembering how well or poorly she did on these trips. Oh, yes, take loads of pictures while you still can. As I went through boxes of pictures from over 36 years, I realized that I had very few of her by herself. All the pictures seem to be of the kids as though they were more important.
In the last year or so, our memories were much simpler. We would go out to Arby's or Long John Silvers (where it wasn't important whether she sat down or not). I still feel very lonely when I go to these places.