My husband was diagnosed about three years ago. He's 84 and I'm 74. This board has helped me so much. Different things I have experienced and read that others have experienced the same thing. I'm so glad I have found this place to come to every day.
Welcome to my website. I am so glad we are providing the support you need. I hope you will take the time to look at all the features of the website. On the home page of the website, www.thealzheimerspouse.com, there is so much information besides my daily Blogs- check out the side topics - articles, books, previous blogs, information on Project Lifesaver; humor; finances; love stories; Caregiver Cruise information.
Welcome Carolyn, I am relatively new as well and my ex daughter in law sent me the website thank goodness. i belong to another alz website too but this one being with spouses as caregivers just hits the mark with what i deal with everyday. i am getting 'addicted' and love to read up while dear husband (DH) naps during the day. you will find support and lots of info with no subject being taboo..divvi/tx
divvi, I really wish my husband would nap. He's wide awake all the time. No matter where I go, he insist on going with me. I work three days a week for five hours each day. At least, he stays home then. While I'm gone, he does absolutely nothing, not even tv. I guess that's better than getting into trouble. I do notice that the cookies disappear fast. LOL
In the early mid stage of the disease there is a phase where they 'shadow' every move of person whom they rely on. my DH followed me around the house SO closely i would turn around and literally bump into him. it became nervewracking. if i went to the bathroom he stood in the doorway, if i went to the fridge i closed the door he was there -he never left my sight. if i tried to cook he was between the drawer and the stove..it was totally exasperating. he finally moved out of that stage into something else. now he is mellow and childlike and easy to manage most of the time.that 'shadowing' and the 'sundowning' nearly drove me mad...yes Alz dis makes them go nuts over sweets:) hope you get lots of info here. the members here are very savvy -divvi
My DW was a "lurker". (It's funny now that we look back, but then....oh, was it annoying...)
She would go into the next room and hide...stand absolutely still, and peer around the edge of the door frame. Just enough to get her eyes over so she could see you. If you caught her eyes, she stepped back, out of view. Then slowly, slowly, back again until just the eyes could see you. If you changed rooms, she'd change until she was in the adjoining room, and then more peeping. One time...I swear to you...TWO HOURS she stood there, exact same place, exact same position. How do they have the stamina?
Sometimes if she had chosen the front room to hide in, she'd try the front door, which was kept locked as soon as that started.. You'd hear little rattling noises as she tried to figure out the door. I had the dead bolt on, so I didn't worry about it, until one day...click...the softest little thud that said "I'm free!!!!"
Hadn't guessed in a million years that she would have been able to figure it out, but she worked at it long enough. SO then I started putting the key out of the lock and next to the door on a hook. She didn't figure that one out.
One day she got free, and I knew about it so she wasn't as risk, but I was trying to figure out how to get her back inside. It was one of "those moods" days. So I opened the garage door, and then went outside. She kept backing up from me until she was in the garage. Then I hit the garage door opener I had cleverly hidden in my hand, and "trapped" her in the garage. Then I just opened the door from the house to the garage and waited until she wandered in again.
trisinger-shame on you-outsmarting your poor demented wife. Your comments sure started my day on an up note. I'll probably have a grin on my face all day just thinking about youl Thanks for sharing. You either laugh or cry. bluedaze
I realize from the descriptions that I an not yet dealing with shadowing. I thought I was, but the pacing and what I was calling shadowing was really just someone who was still able to do a lot of walking stuck in a house because of Winter weather and getting restless. Not only CAN he do the 45 minute walks (and I haven't come back from my disability to anything like being able to do that) but he really does NEED to go out and do something physical.
Combine this with Aphasia that is getting noticeably worse every day (didn't recognize tuna fish or tacos in the last month) and the ability to make decision just about gone (although he wants to still make them) and the total lack of the ability to follow any kind of rational discussion and I know that I'm in the going nuts stage.
Divvi my wife does the same thing follows me around. The Dr put her on risperal 5 weeks ago haven't notice any better. Did your husband have meds for this any if he did what was it.
We had no meds during the 'shadowing' times..just drove me nuts..it was until the agressive state and the 'sundowning' up/down at bedtime kicked in then we put him on zyprexa after seroquel had some unwanted side effects.. and that solved that era. i didnt even know that the term shadowing existed then. i guess had i known i could have been more tolerant. its a tuff phase to endure, good luck. divvi
My husband was in the shadowing stage when he had his fatal heart attack. I would give anything to have him back with me for just a few more years. Carolyn, welcome to the web site. This message board helped me these last few months. So much good information and support.
Carolyn, welcome! My husband had been shadowing me for so long, that it's second nature now. When we go anywhere, I know he'll be right behind me. When I'm in the kitchen, I try to redirect him into the den (which is a combination room, so he can see me from his recliner) to do anything I can think of! When we go anywhere, while in the parking lot, we hold hands, but he'll shadow me inside stores. He also has sundowners and by 8:30 p.m. he goes to bed - not to sleep, but to get comfortable. My husband went through the stage where he slept or napped most of the day, but now he rarely sleeps. He does like to watch his favorite movies. And forgets the next day that he just watched it the day before. I know several movies by heart! He doesn't like regular tv though. And divvi is right about the sweets too! Trisinger, I love your solution! :) Penny, I am so sorry that he's no longer there to shadow you, but as someone said, he's walking beside you now.
I just joined today. I did add comments on another topic....meds. I don't know what stage my husband is now, but it has been creeping up on him for 3-4 years. He is 72 and I am 70. Right now we live in a war zone, and I'm barely keeping it together. He'll be nice for a day or so,then all hell breaks lose for no apparent reason. He isn't tolerating the meds at all. Today he finally just ripped his Exelon patch off. He still drives locally, but does ask me to drive distances. Our saving grace at the moment is a new pup that occupies a lot of time...park walks a couple of times a day plus just watching puppy stuff.
I can see that this is going to be a life line for me..just reading all the comments gives me a clearer understanding of where we are headed...scary as that is.
Welcome to my website. You will find much support and information here. Please take some time to visit my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and acquaint yourself with all of the sections. The left side has "previous blogs", so many of which I am sure you will be able to relate to. There are also "articles of interest", sections on books, vaccine trials, Project Lifesaver. Many of the recent Blogs are still on the front page.
My DH peeks around doorways and hides like a little kid, also. He also does that same thing with the cat. If it weren't so sad, it would be funny. So, I laugh at the both of them. Kitty likes to leap out at a paerson. DH will make growling noises at the cat and then they play. Really kind of sweet. I'm really glad we have our little furry friend. Don't know what we would do without him. Very loving.
ps--it snowed last night. He went outside to take a look at it and he loved it. It was funny. He's so black against the white snow. He only stayed outside a few minutes and then I guess his feet got cold and he came it. Now he sits in the window and looks out at it.