We went to our son's for dinner last night and it was a disaster…. He wanted to leave as soon as he got there. my son had gone to get his iphones upgraded so it was just Lucinda my DIL and grandson and us. DOL saw the problem and started dinner. Then he started banging on the sofa (temper tantrum). Of course, she saw that. I insisted we stay until dinner. We did, but left immediately. DS didn’t know why, but DIL must have told him because he called to make sure we got home ok, and said, he didn’t mean to be insensitive, it’s just that Dick seemed ok to him. Of course, as soon as DS came in, we ate and left. Anyway, even though I gave him ½ an Ambien, he was up at 3:30. Now he’s asleep in the living room chair and I ‘m here in my sewing/computer room. I was so upset, I started crying, and obviously he knew that something was wrong because he asked me if I was mad at him and I certainly told him YES, which I shouldn’t have done because he didn’t even remember where we had gone for dinner. I yelled at him, told him what I was mad at, how inappropiately he acted.... Well, of course, I was wrong, and a liar and was picking on him.... blah blah blah. Hope he sleeps a while just so I can regroup!

Chris, as blue said, we have all lost our temper at times. Check my previous comment about panty hose (a couple of years ago) The one good thing is that our LO's don't remember it after a few minutes, even though we not only remember, but feel guilty. We are all doing the best we can under very difficult circumstances. Now, at least, your DIL has seen what you have to put up with.

I've lost my temper many times. It's simmering right now. I finally got my DW to go to bed early for once and actually go to sleep so I was in bed by midnight knowing she would get up around 6. The cat came in crying at 1:30 and when I snapped on a big light to see what was wrong - all the lights on that circuit went. No bathroom light on means no hitting the toilet or even finding it. I checked the circuit breakers and they're fine. I tripped them and reset them but no luck. So I tried to sleep with my big light on so that would light up the bathroom maybe enough and couldn't sleep. I was still awake at 4:30.

As I type this I went down to pour a tea for her. She took the dried cat food bits and sprinkled them all over including on the lid of the dark tea pot which I didn't see until I poured dropping a couple into the cup. I fished one out and gave the tea to her. That happened 60 seconds ago. I've already pulled the toothbrush head out of the lipstick container. The new toilet paper roll I put out two days ago is suddenly half gone. I can never find where it goes. She can flush four times when she goes to the bathroom but I've peeked and can't see loads of paper being used - in fact she usually won't flush that down but puts it into the wastebasket or leaves it on the counter.

Anyone that expects me to smile like a Walmart greeter through this is going to be missing teeth.

Survival depends on adaptation and out of the box thinking. All the pros here know that. At 5am I suddenly realized I was shutting the wrong door. So when she went to the bathroom shortly after 6am and flushed and flushed I had been taking her back to her room and shutting her door. That worked for almost a month and all I had to do was pull the 32 socks out from the bed and rehang all the clothes around. Three days ago she started opening it repeatedly.

So this morning after she had gone I went in and asked is she was all finished and nudged her back into bed. This time I turned on the kitchen light which lights the bathroom a bit, shut MY door and turned off the lights. I slept until 11am and found her dressed and sitting in the living room. That was two hours ago.

Sorry this is so long. I need to get it out. The point is when I do yell that I'm coming apart - she consoles me. At no other time does she do that so clearly. She also says "You do so much." And after I calm down I tell her this is hard and we're doing the best we can. And we move on to the next thing.

We go through terrible things because of AD. We fight them for our spouse instead of leaving with all the money (in this case about 50 cents). I believe getting anger out is a good emotion provided we are not abusive. It would be insane not to feel anger inside. Denying our own identity and emotions is already something we do. Once in a while the lid has to pop otherwise it builds. And it does build. I don't care who you are.

Chris R join the club. I do not think anyone could do what we do daily and not loose it. I feel guilty as hell afterwards and that is when you know you have an issue is if you do not feel bad for loosing it. Then it is time to do something else because at that point you are doing more damage than good. I think this is where the emotional divorce comes into play. I have noticed the Aid that help, she seems impervious to this stuff. The difference is that there is no emotional attachment. The stress of what is at hand is not on her shoulders, she gets to leave and choose to come back the next day or not. We do not have choices like that and hence we are more frustrated because of it. I do encourage you to get someone in to give you a break and get away for a little while.

Keep the faith and know that oneday you will be sad that he is not there to bug you.

We all have our breaking point. When DH was home, I'm ashamed to say that I swore more than any man I know. Since I've placed him, I don't swear anymore (at least not at him), when I go to see him, I greet him with three kisses (like we always did). He still knows me and we're so happy with each other. He doesn't know one day from the next, sits right next to the big Christmas tree and doesn't even know Christmas is coming.I'm very lonely, especially in the evening but I don't feel guilty anymore about placing him.

You have all said everything I could have said. It all sounds so familiar. guess it's cuz I am living through it too. We actually had 2 halfway decent days & I am thankful for them. It can change so fast it can make your head spin. WHo knows what tomorrow will bring.

Thanks for these honest comments. I too feel so guilty when I loose my cool. Sometimes it is like walking on eggs trying so hard not to get upset as the spouse doesn't seem to understand what they are doing wrong. I think part of my anger comes out when fear creaps in like when DH is transferring from the wheelchair to the lift chair and won't turn all the way around. It's like his feet are stuck in concrete. For weak people, they are sure strong!