I am worried and fighting back a major panic attack! My mammagram came back very suspisous and I have an appointment with a surgeon on the 9th of Dec. My DH isn't able to take care of himself for more than a couple of hours at a time. Of course he doesn't understand what I am going to be dealing with. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can continue to take care of DH while I need taken care of as well? I know that normally women are use to taking care of the family even when they are sick but this is a little more than just sick.
I can think of several resources. Family, Friends, Church Friends, and of course pay for a home health care aid. I pay $15.00/hr 4 hour min. I guess at this point you do not know what you are dealing with. I guess they will take a biopsy and run test. I think the waiting part for that is bad. You are not undergoing major surgery on the the 9th correct?
I would think this would be an outpatient procedure and you will be home farily quickly.
I hope this is just a false alarm. I wish you the best.
I'm in the same situation Deb. I had two mammograms in August and my primary wants an oncologist to read the x-ray. My appointment is in two weeks. I'm checking out Assisted Living for short term just in case I need it. I have no one else to turn to.
I had never heard of such nonsense in my life regarding mammograms until I moved to Florida. When I lived in Boston, we went to the Sagoff Center - everything is done the same day to allievate the stress and worry. You get a mammogram; you wait in the waiting room; you go into the room with the doctor and radiologist; they read the mammogram with you; if you need an ultrasound, you go into another room and get it; you wait a few minutes and they read it with you. If you need a biopsy, you go into another room and get it. Results come back the next day.
There is a place like that here in Florida - about an hour and a half ride from here, but it's worth the ride to alleviate the stress of waiting weeks.
Call the Alzheimer's Association in your area; call Elder Services in your area ( link is on the home page on the left side - scroll down until you see Elder Care Locator). Explain that you will need someone to take care of your dh while you are having medical procedures and they should be able to lead you in the direction of home health care and respite care. If you have family nearby, enlist their help.
My goodness--I'm curious to just how much more stress either one of you are going to undergo. I know your DHs will not understand. Perhaps this waitaing period is a good time to look up the agencies Joan mentioned and find someone to come in so your dhs can get acquainted just in case one or both of you women are needing extra care yourselves. I just can't imagine this
my prayers are with oth of you ladies. Please be alright.
Deb and Joan, I know what you are going through, having gone through it this past summer. Fortunately, for me everything turned out fine. But I was almost in panic mode too trying to decide what to do with Dh if it didn't turn out okay. I never did make any decision! The waiting is the hardest part. Joang, you were lucky to have such a place. We live in a small town - lots of excellent doctors, etc., however, any test that is run - you have to wait. That's just the way it is.
Deb, I’m so sorry - this must be very overwhelming for you. But you will get through this! The same strength and resources which you have used up to this point in caring for your husband will serve you well in this.
I know it’s difficult, but try not to get ahead of yourself and panic. Just take one step at a time and don’t allow your mind to play out all the “what if” scenarios.
It won’t solve any of your problems but I did learn a good stress reliever a few weeks ago at an Alzheimer’s conference where LeAnn Theiman spoke. She taught us a deep breathing technique much like we all learned for child birth (minus the panting). First step – take a very deep slow breath in, then slowly exhale it all out. Then do a half dozen or so of slow deep breath in – slow long exhale out. It seems simple but I find it very helpful.
I hope it's a "false alarm." I'm making arrangement for my hb to stay a wk in a dementia-specific care center (max 20 clients) in a couple wks. If I have to have any medical procedures that require extended time away from home, that's where I'd place him. If I had to schedule people to come into our home, I'd be stressed about whether they'd show up on schedule, if they were doing expected care, etc., etc.
Deb of course I wish you well with your mammogram. This would be a good time to check out facilities offering respite care. Sometimes the rate isn't too bad because they want you to think of them later.
Sometimes a lump is just a lump. I don't have breasts. Well I do but they don't work. I did get a lump growing on my spine though which worried the doctor no end. I smoke. I tried to calm him down because he's so anti smoking and lived just down the street a few houses. He was always on me because I like to inhale a little benzene and formaldahyde with my coffee. I had surgery and it was a fatty lump. Biopsy was negative.
My wife though has no fatty lumps in her breasts but went to a dermatologist because she's a Celtic redhead and she found a tiny red spot that made her immediately remove it. She took out an ungodly large piece of flesh and sure enough it was malignant cancer. I asked what about all these other spots? How do we tell? She went every six months and had one more removed. I made sure she was always covered and slathered on strong lotions. Until three summers ago when she as diagnosed with AD. Last year we went to the local beach all summer and never used suntan lotion. Cancer is going to have to make an effort if it wants to beat AD.
We worry so much. We worry too much. I lost a close friend to breast cancer in February. Now all the women in the group are tense thinking about it. Just this month one of my close male friends had his cancerous prostate taken out. I asked him if he could hit the really high notes now in that angelic soprano. The mug told me to shut up and just deal the cards.
I hope that soon you will both find out that you have joined the Fatty Lumpkin crowd. The odds are well in your favor. Try to feel the force and turn from the fear. Life plays it's cards as it plays them and usually a lump is just a lump.
Thank you so much for all your responses. I am still nervous but it is nice to hear all the experiences of others who have gone through this. Mary22033, how did you know that I like the what if game!!! :-) haha I am really good at it too. I diffenitly need to QUIT THAT!!! I agree that this would be a good time to find some elder care possibilities. Joang, I wish I lived in your town, sometimes I think the aliens have taken over Roswell for real(not really) I don't like waiting for anything that will change my life possibly. I have always wondered "geewiz, if anything happens to me who is going to take care of me since I am taking care of the only other person that could do the job". Has anyone else wondered that or am I the only worry wart!? Live one day at a time and don't play the what if game, I am telling myself that. Mawzy, I am not sure how much more stress I can take anyway either. I guess I will take as much as I have too but I am glad that you are all here to help! I try to explain to others what this added stress to my already full plate means but no one really gets it but you all. I want to thank you for your thinking about me and I well let you know how it goes.
I also send my best wishes and best thoughts to Deb and Joan, and I sincerely understand the " geewiz, what happens, if anything happens to me" for both myself and DH, as we are very much alone. We have 6 kids between us, but none of them want to play a part in looking after DH, so hope all is well with me for as long as he needs me. We all have enough stress in our lives without the added worry of bloody breast cancer, that's all I can call it, it's so prevelent around here, every second woman seems to be having it or tests for it. All the best Deb and Joan !
Well, I am having a biopsy on the 15th and because of where it is I am going to be put completely out. They say I will go home the same day. I hope that is true because I need to take care of my DH too. I hope that I will not be too sore, they will be taking it out of muscle. All it is is calcium but they think it is causing inflamation and infection. Then it takes another 5 days before I find out if it is cancer. Oh boy!
deb, I pray everything goes well on the 15th and that the biopsy will be clear of any cancer. Do you have someone lined up to be with your DH while you are having the procedure? Take care and God Bless.
Thank you everyone!!! I sure would feel better about it if I didn't keep having all of these panic attacks. While I was talking to the surgeon I was breaking out all over the place and my blood pressure was really high. It doesn't seem to matter whether I think positive or not. I am wondering if it is because I am more worried about my DH. Jean21, yes I have a neighbor not to far away that my DH talks to a lot who can look in on him. Right now I don't know how long it will take.
Well, today I had my biopsy and it ended up being a lot more of an ordeal than anyone thought it would be. I had 3 different places taken out instead of two and it was an operation that lasted an hour and I was completely out for it. The needle biopsy that they thought I was having ended up being both needle and incision on both sides. I am alright but very sore. My DH didn't even understand much of what was going on and I had a friend check up on him for me and it seemed to go alright. All I can say is Whew! it's over. The results won't be back for 10 days but they say they got everything and it looks alright so far. Thank you so much for being here to talk to and think about me.
What an experience!!! All of it is behind me though and I got the results today. I don't have cancer! Then he says but...you have some cells that are oddly shaped and they need to be watched. I am thinking "what does that mean" am I alright or not. He wants me to have a mammogram in 6 months and so I guess that means I have two doctors now instead of one. I don't get it! I should be happier than I am. I don't have cancer, that is a big relief but...that isn't good enough for the doctors they have to keep probbing until they find something else. If they look hard enough I guess they could find something wrong with every woman. Don't mind me I just can't understand why this doesn't make me happier than I am. I am happy, I am happy, I am happy!
deb-sometimes being hyper vigilant is a good thing. Best to catch anything early. What is sadder than being told "if we had caught it earlier" Enjoy your good news.
Deb. here I am almost 81, and I can't tell you how many times I've had the same thing told to me and have had your reaction. They err on the side of being super cautious. You would have preferred to hear, "No problem at all," and then you could forget all about it. As it is, just mark the next appt. on the calendar and get on with your life.
GREAT, Deb, so glad it's not cancer. I had lumpy breasts and had to have them watched most of my life. It's scary at first and then you just get used to it!
Thank you all for your encouragement and mary75, I am glad that someone else can relate to how I feel because I was beginning to think I was crazy for not feeling totally relieved like I should have. I well try to use your suggestion of just putting the appointment on the calendar and going on with my life. briegull, I appreciate that you said it was scary for you at first too and I hope I too will just eventually get use to it.
I don't know for sure but I think that I am having trouble being relieved because right now it seems that anything that can go wrong does go wrong and it's been that way for so long that I think there couldn't possibly be more shoes that can drop but...sure enough!