My annual holiday stress reliever tips are here. The entire series is on the left side of the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. My customary practice is to post, as a blog, the detailed description of one tip at a time. I hope you will follow the series and post your own ideas and tips here.
This is the 3rd year I have updated and posted this series. This year, I can see a big change in my own husband's level of functioning from 3 years ago, and will plan accordingly.
My DH manages best when numbers are small for social or family gatherings. He used to love having lots of people over . . . sigh! Anyhow, we've traditionally invited anyone in the family over on Christmas Eve for a simple menu (I make entree ahead and freeze / have a veggie and salad and ice cream for dessert) and then we all go to church. This year though some family members from out of town are arriving afternoon of 24th. Thinking about it, I knew that having our traditional get together right when people are arriving would just be too much for hubby. And that in turn wouldn't be great for the rest of us. So I sent out an invite to each of our local family members and invited them for dinner sometime between now and 22nd----gave them choice of dates and menu items. I am feeling relieved just knowing that this is something hubby will do much better with.
Mind you, we haven't figured out Christmas Day logistics yet ie which family member is hosting and how many etc. That may be a bigger gathering and if so, all the better not to have our normal Christmas Eve time together. Again, hubby loved the excitement of everyone together and the extra activities but not now.
Am decorating this week . . . again to minimize last week before Christmas pressure. Nest week I'll wrap gifts (mostly going into gift bags----easy) and send out mail. I used to bake in November and put in freezer but now I leave baking until later. Often some of our grown children will ask if they can come over and help bake one day. That happens usually closer to Christmas and is a nice way to spend some time together. I may bake a couple of things ahead but that's it. We don't invite friends over during the holidays like in the past so there isn't the same need to bake ahead. (We still have friends over at other times of the year but on a much smaller scale and not when there is family visiting and family celebrations.)
Am trying to get together myself with a friend each week this month . . . treat to myself! Had lunch today with an older friend and we enjoyed some wonderful laughs!
joan as you state in your message simplicity is best. anything others want to plan is a good plan and whether we attend or not will depend on that day at that moment in time. each day starts a new day and so planning ahead is futile and depressing so no planning at our house. we just take the day as it unfolds. bruce d
I am destressing the holidays by passing off to others whatever they are willing to do. Because our 3 kids and their families are coming we will have a real tree this year. Neither my DH or I liked the artificial one we bought so back to a live tree. Our church Youth Group wanted to make some money so I have paid them to come decorate the tree. Stopped in at a local nursery and they are going to choose a tree and put a stand on it. I will have everything ready for them including some hot chocolate and treats and then we will leave the house so that my DH doesn't stress about how they are making a mess or putting things in the wrong place. WHen we come home we can move what we like but not have a war over anything. Doing just enough cleaning to make the house look decent and then will let everything slide. People who know me know that this is NOT the usual me (I'm somewhat of a control freak) but this is the only way to survive the holidays.
I debated long and hard about putting up the tree.I have always said that the day I didn't put up a Christmas tree would be admitting that I am old. The tree is up and decorated thanks to lortab for two nights. I am still feeling the effects with my back, neck, and arms but I am not "OLD".
This season so far for us has been to say the least stretched out and in someways easier. Our youngest was here in late Oct to see us and to attend a music seminar in LA. So we gave her her Christmas gift while she was here. During her visit I listened to what she was saying and when she and her dad were out I zipped off and got her "what she was dreaming of" and since it was a piece of jewellery I don't have to worry about it getting to her safely. The middle girl and her family were here the 11-17 Nov and they are moving to Iceland at the end of the year so we HAD to have Christmas for them while they were here so they could pack it for the move...and the oldest is in South Africa so her gift was sent a LONG time ago to make sure it would get there which it has. That left one son in law and the 7 other adult grandkids..the girls are getting a costume jewellery bracelet and a little $$ and the lads are getting a sort of utility knife and a $$...One granddaughter is coming next week so I'll have hers here for her to take...My Brothers are taken care of and any others that I would normally send a little something to are getting Swiss Colony this year..At the grocery store the other day there were some festive little Christmas goodies so I stocked up on a few of those for those quick exchanges... I hope to get the tree up next weekend..after a week of doctor visits every day next week!
Odd thing is, despite all the preps so far..I don't feel much like it is the holiday...I see the TV shows on Hallmark and well so far it all escapes me..don't know what to get the DH besides a couple of hoodies to keep him warm...for me....I just got some skin care supplies for under the tree from him to me just in case..he would be embarrassed if he thought he didn't do something.
I would like to share some thoughts with all the excellent people here brought together by Joan. I hope that something in this lights a candle in the soul whatever holiday season we are celebrating. Happy Hanukkah to our jewish friends and Merry Christmas to our christian friends and Happy Holidays to everyone else. God bless us every one.
10 things to consider:
I learned that I have a few real friends that stand by me even when it's really hard to do. I know that despite being harsh with low self esteem I can feel I'm doing something truly worthy. I can see that I really am a strong person whatever I believed before. I've been pushed beyond the shallows of life which has improved my judgement of what value is. I've learned about the other role in the house by living it and am more complete and nurturing. I've learned to forgive. To see beyond just what hurts me and understand it somewhat. I've learned to think alone by taking the mantle on and doing what I believe. I've learned the depths of despair, the chasms of fear, the longing in loneliness, and I that can survive them. I know myself better than I ever have before and I have become my own friend. After hearing about it all my life and never fully understanding, I know what duty is.
I'm going to visit son and family for a week, and hb will be in a dementia center so both of us have respite from each other just before Christmas. We've always bought fresh trees from a tree farm, but this year, I'm thinking I'd rather not deal with a tree or much decorating because I have to bring stuff up from basement, take it out, boxes back downstairs. Then the reverse. We live on a country road w/little traffic; only family would be coming over from down the road. Am I getting lazy, depressed, tired? I think a little of all of it.
We're not going to be home for Christmas: I'll be with family in the States and Siem will be staying at a dementia facility. His brother will take him home on Christmas dinner for dinner and presents, so I'll have to get something to wrap up for him. So the only decorating that I'm doing is a couple arrangments with fresh evergreens from our yard.
I wondered what to do about a tree this year. I knew the kids and grandkids would want a tree, but I couldn't handle it alone. When our daughter was here for Thanksgiving they cut a tree for themselves, and one for us. They even put it up and strung the lights. Now all I have to do is keep it watered (it's at our house, a 20 minute drive for the Inn we "live" in) and put on the decorations. Each time I go out to water it I add a few more decorations. By Christmas it will be done.
We have always had a fresh tree, but last year it was difficult to get it in the house, in the stand, string the lights, etc. So a few days ago I bought a cheap pre lit artificial tree (we have yet to put it up) & if it's cheap looking I will buy another one after Christmas for 50% off & donate this one to charity. We still haven't gotten the decorations down from the attic. When we do I will donate all the tree lights & other decorations to the thrift store. Don't really feel like doing alot of decorating or outting up outside lights. Last year my electric bill was so high because of CHristmas lights & I just can't afford it this year.
I have always had a big Christmas open house - not this year. I'm having 15 people in for a light brunch on a Saturday morning at 10:30, which is a good time for DH.
Got rid of all my huge trees (7); now have 7 pre-lit table tops throughout the house. Donated all the trees and larger decorations. No lights outside except two carriage lights on the front porch, and two pre-lit, decorated, iron trees on the back porch.
Always had lots of candles - not now. I have found the battery operated candles at Walmart this year which have a scent if you want. They are beautiful, look like real candles, but no flame! I also use these in the windows. Also works well in the bathrooms.
No furniture was moved. Just moved a few lamps for the trees to go on the tables.
Son and SO are coming for Christmas - they offered to stay at a motel, but I told them, no, I needed them here to help me with DH. They are happy to do so.
We are so blessed in that DH is still able to take care of his personal needs without any help from me - I don't even hear him when he goes to the bathroom at night!
I'll be flying to California to have Christmas with my family. DH is in a nursing home. Even tho he still knows me, he doesn't recall Christmas at all. I won't even mention to him that I'm going since I'll be back in five days.