Has anyone out there encountered this problem with their LO, the fact that if I don't think something is a good thing to do, he will quietly put on a performance to equal a spoilt child. To night for example, I told him it wasn't a good idea to drink a large cup of water before bed, as he is up and down all night and won't wear depends, so he sat in his chair and huffed and wriggled, quietly putting on a tantrum. I try to please him in every way I can, but if I'm kept awake half the night, it is hard to keep myself together during the day. He is quite good for me usually, except when we disagree about something he should or should not do. I know it is not a good idea to argue with someone who has alzhiemers, but sometimes he really puts on a performance if he can't get his own way. How do others cope with this sort of thing?
I don't know if this will work for you but I have stopped trying to please in every way. When my LO acts like a two year old I get very firm just as I did with my toddlers and, for now, he responds to that and gets apologetic because he doesn't like it if I raise my voice or get upset. When this stops working I will search for another way. I have learned to expect the unexpected and adjust.
We are going around and around with a small little fit right now. Our DD wants a new ipod. Her old one is 3 or 4 years old. My DH says all it needs is a new battery. I point out that the new ones do so much more than hers does and he will not move on this one. For a month he has says all it needs is a new battery. So come Christmas she will get a new one. Some times you just have to put your foot down.
I will not argue with him, that is not worth it. What I have been doing is to let whatever it is go. Sooner or later he will forget whatever it was. Lately, I have found that DH does not comprehend what I am saying. When he was putting a clean sweater in the hamper, I said, no, just hang it up. He looked upset and said, What are you saying. I took the sweater and hung it up. Lately, he gets upset if I say you should not do this or that. He keeps walking down to the mailbox over and over again to see if the mail came. If I say wait an hour or wait 30 minutes he gets mad. He may say you can't stop me. That is when I let it go.
I try not to argue because it makes my blood pressure go sky high. I agree with him on most things and then do what I think is best. He understands about my blood pressure so he has been good lately. OR...I just say....I will not discuss this and walk out of the room.
Check out this blog and the link in it on "retrogenesis". http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/spouseaschild.htm
Very sorry to report that whatever age they have regressed to, that is how you have to treat them. It used to tear me apart when Sid would sulk, pout, and whine like a 3 year old. Mainly to save my own sanity, I started ignoring him, and sure enough, within an hour, he had forgotten the whole thing.
FTD causes the same behavior...I also treat G as I would a child when he does his toddler imitation. ....usually, but there are times when I get so tired of it. One of the major problems with FTD is they just don't care..the apathy is as frustrating as the other behavior. This weekend he fell into his chair really hard and the back ripped...a NEW leather chair...he couldn't care less. I'm still beyond angry as I get estimates for the repair! Just a ho hummer for him.
DH has FTD also. The apathy is horrible. Combine that with the stubborness, willful behavior, some aggression and it's a difficult situation. He's ruins everything, even when watched and doesn't give a damn. I've decided that anything that gets ruined will not be replaced as long as he is strong and doesn't care.
How do I cope - not well sometimes. LO has lost his ability to communicate with anywhere near the right words - or understand what is said to him. Today he wanted a tarp - I took him to the hardware store to get one, and he did not like what I picked out and would not pick a size. I brought him home to show me the old one that he was replacing and it was a furnace filter!!!! Doesn't matter what I am doing I am expected to stop and drive him somewhere or help him find what he has lost. The he tells me I never do anything but sit around! Oh how I would love to sit around!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have a cold room that we store veggies and plants in during the winter. I have purchased two heaters this year trying to find something he could operate. Finally found one with a antifreeze setting that will only come on when it gets very close to freezing. However he keeps turning it on high - cold room ends up at 75 degrees. I turn it down, he turns it up. Just asked when supper was and I said 3 hours from now, why? because we always eat supper at 5:30, at 7? no at 5:30, who is coming, no one is coming, when do we eat? 5:30 and on and on - then he says I talk to much. I know I am ranting, I am really having a tough time dealing with this today. I am so tired of being sworn at and told I am lazy, tired of never being able to do anything I want to do. I know this is not a productive way to be thinking, that if I tell myself I can't stand this it will only make it worse. I have to be able to "stand" it. Thanks for letting me rant. RhondaJill
Hi RhondaJill1, I see that you are new. Welcome to the family. I'm sorry that you have to be here, but since you do, this is a good place to be. Joan, our fearless leader will give you the official welcome. I see that you understand that here you can vent & we will understand beause we have either been there or will be there soon. Come back often!
RhondaJill welcome to the family. One thing we have all learned is that there is no reasoning with a person who has dementia. You no longer have "to stand it" alone because now you have us to hold your hand or offer a shoulder to cry on.
Welcome RhondaJill1, sorry you have a need of this site but you have come to a place of understanding and information. Vent away, that's what we are all here for. Tell us more about yourself and your LO. My husband is 61 and was diagnosed with FTD when he was 58. I'll be 52 in a week. Is your LO on any meds?
Thank you for your comments, it helps a little to see that others have the same troublem re the tantrums etc. that I have. I guess we just have to wait until our LO's forget what they're on about, and try not to let them get to us too much. Welcome to RhondaJill, I'm fairly new to this wonderful family, you will find as I have, great support here, and many answers to your fears and questions - someone else has surely ahd the same problem and has coped with it.
My DH dresses according to the "look" of the weather ie not to actual weather temperature. So it can be cool out but if sunny, he dresses as if it's hot (and reverse if it's cloudy yet relatively warm, he dresses for cold winter). So on a coolish but sunny day not too long ago, he'd taken off his shirt. Came to the dinner table shirtless. DD and grandchildren were visiting. Daughter suggested (quite pleasantly) that he put on a shirt (no shirt / no service). Well----in front of the grandchildren-----he picked up his plate of food and stormed off to another room and ate there. Refused to come back and sit with us. After everyone left, I tried to share how his behavior was perceived by rest of family. More huff-----he had the right to do as he pleased etc etc. No concept of impression it made on grandchildren. Interestingly enough, if one of them behaved similarly at our dinner table, he'd expect their parent to correct them and not let them get away with it. (I realized when talking to him about the behavior that it likely wouldn't connect with him but tried anyhow as I was fairly sure daughter would bring it up to me later-----which she did. At least I was able to say I'd talked to him about it.)
I can think of some other recent episodes that resulted in displays of childish behavior. I respond in various ways-----ignore it sometimes / change the topic / leave room for awhile / pray for patience and wisdom / occasionally get firm. I think it depends a lot on what else has been happening and how he's been and who is around (or not) and how their reaction will affect DH etc. But I identify with Sylvia, it is hard to react calmly if one's sleep has been disturbed through the night. Suggestions to reduce liquid intake aren't received well by my hubby either and he has to make a few bathroom trips in the night. Okay if he's more asleep than awake but if he can't get back to sleep, there's a lot of tossing and turning.
Has anyone encountered the problem of their DH's thermostat (for want of a better description ) going awary. In the winter he complianed bitterly about the cold and I had a job to keep him warm and he kept wishing the summer would come, now that it is warmer (not hot yet), he's miserable with the heat ,especially at night. He wasn't so sensitive to the cold and heat when he was well, so I'm wondering if it has something to do with this wretched alzhiemers.