I had a minister at church ask, what might the church do to help? I told him that a visit might be good or just a phone call and talk to DW, just show that someone cares. That was 2 weeks ago no calls, no visits I would be wiling to bet that if I told him I needed funds it would pour in I find that our members are willing to open their pocket books much more so than give of their time.
Get specific. What is it you need? Someone to sit and visit - read, talk to, your wife? Someone to sit with her while you go out for an hour? Whatever it is, call the minister and tell him specifically what you need. Then see what happens.
Bob - IMO it is because as a society in general the motto has become 'money talks'. Giving money is less threatening than offering your time. I won't say there aren't those who would rather give their time because it is more rewarding personally, but in general money talks. Unfortunately, although many here can use money, the help whether it be conversation, doing some chores around the place, watching our spouse, etc. is more appreciated than money.
A gentleman from our area called me about this time last year to inform me that my porch roof needed replacing (as if i didn't know it). I explained that I did not have the money to hire a contractor and that my family and friends were going to tear the old one down but I would not be replacing it because I did not have the money for the materials. He told me that if I got it down, he would help with the cost of putting up a new one. After they were done, he called to tell me what a good job they had done of patching up the "scar" on the front of the house where the old roof had been attached. Guess he forgot he was going to help with the cost of a new one.
Does anyone have the problem with their DH 's thermostat (best way I can describe it),he felt the cold so severely in winter and was wishing for the summer to start, now that it's a bit warmer, he's miserable with the heat ! He came out several times from bed tonight complaining of the heat, and it really is not very warm tonight, just pleasant. He was never like that when he was well and I wonder if it is something to do with the alzhiemer's that is making him so sensitive to the climes.
I too have noticed that my dw is hot-cold sensitive...It can be 90 in the house, but when the a/c kicks on, she will complain that she is cold...same thing when the heat goes on. She is constantly trying to adjust the thermostat, but just does not realize which way to set the temperature. She suffered from the traditional hot flashes of menopause, and now, her body thermostat seems to be broken. Recently, she started wearing a sweater even in 90 degree heat, and claims that restaurants or stores are too cold. I noticed that she started wearing gloves when she can figure how to get them on...so, perhaps this is a condition of the disease, and I believe it is a general confusion about temperature, and the initial "shock" of the sudden change in degrees. Or maybe it is caused by global warming......
I wonder if it's their meds. DH was always cold, wore heavy winter shirts all the time in the summer and we live in Florida. Six weeks ago he moved to an Alzheimer ALF and after his meds were switched from Seroquel to Risperdol he has on a short sleeve shirt whenever I go over to see him, which is several times a week.
My DH is not on any meds and he plays with the thermostat too. Sometimes I think it is just something that he likes to do because he still knows how to do it.
Would it work to get programmable ones? I know there are ones that you can set so it is complicated to change the settings. We had one in our house and I miss that. I hate when I get snug in bed then remember I forgot to turn it down.
My DH is cold all the time. He even had the heat on upstairs in the summer when the AC was on downstairs. I now give him a sweater and a blanket. I am getting a programmable thermostat. One of many challenes.
A friend in support group whose hb is in a wheelchair made a public request at church. She said her hb is surrounded by women and could use some male company. Suggested if someone was running an errand, they take him or come by and watch a 30' video or TV. One man has done both. A man at our church apologized saying he was sorry he couldn't talk w/hb because he'd never been around someone like him and didn't know how to respond to his talk.
Going to put a list on fridge of things family could help with, like putting deck furniture in basement. I must admit I'm the problem. I don't like to ask anyone for help.
it looks like the topic got hijacked and is now back on topic. I do not know how I can be more specific than to ask for someone from the church just show, demonstrate interest. Pickup the phone and call her. If that is too much too ask then do not ask me what can we do. I have a home health aid that comes 5 days a week. She mainly gives me a break and takes care of DW needs. DW did get one phone call this week and that is all I am asking as she can still sort of vcarry on a conversation and just showing empathy while she can still enjoy the call will not be much longer.
Zibby, I know what you mean. I don't like to ask anyone for help either. I did ask a friend of ours if he would come & sit with my DH sometime & he said he would, but I haven't heard form him since then. I don't know if he expects me to ask him again, but it was difficult enough to ask the first time, I'm not asking again.
ElaineH--It sounds like you weren't specific enough. "_______, could you come over and sit with DH Thursday afternoon? I have an appointment, that'll take about 1 1/2 hours." It helps when offers of help are specific, but we can't expect others to know what we need. We needto tell them.