(don't you just hate it when the criteria for dementia is not knowing what day of the week or of the month it is, when one of the good things about being retired is that you DON'T HAVE TO, any more!!)

Odd, I started this thread when I thought my husband had Alz. I am so grateful for this site, for having learned why he had dementia. Not Alz. It saved my sanity. I have no way of knowing how his dementia will progress, as he doesn't have Alz. nor FTD. So few patients of his type of cancer have survived. I think his will be a long, long, drawn out process. I do know that his reasoning & judgement went 1st, in addition to memory problems. As many of you know, we have separated. He now has lots (260k) of money in the bank, and doesn't seem to care that we are separated. It was very peaceful. The 2 times we've seen each other since the separation have been because his car needed work & he needed a lift, and the same for me. We are cordial, but I haven't forgotten the rants. He asks me no questions about my life, nor have we discussed the separation. He seems to be o.k. with everything. I read the posts & try to pitch in when I think I can help. There may come a day when I can no longer read the sadness.

bluedaze, yes it does.

Kitty, we were so worried about you during the move and the selling of the house. Thank God everything went well for you. Know we are always here if you need us.

I am just now reading this thread top to bottom. My heart aches over what we all are/have gone through. I had to go back & see when my acct was created & also others & how long it's been since some have been "active"...some have not been active in over a year! I sometimes feel like I can't/don't get on here often & when I do, it's a mixture of sadness and laughter, depending on the topic...harder some days than others.
DH was diagnosed in June '04 after a friend called me in April that year to say they were worried about him...confided that in March, a trip to Houston (we live in Arlington) for 3 days of golf resulted in the group he was with thinking something was wrong (didn't bring putter to green for his shot) and perhaps some other things. That same phonecall relayed an April incident where he had been "wandering out on Main Street" in North FW after a CATs minor-league baseball game and a friend who'd been with the group spotted him & said "what are you doing" and he said "looking for my car"...friend helped him back into the parking lot & they found it. My DH's response was "when I got there, I was early and no cars...afterwards, a sea of cars", but realistically, why would he have been out of the parking lot looking for the vehicle :( Anyway, he had an appt already for yearly physical with PCP and during that visit HE told Dr. "I'm having trouble finding words"...BTW, until the friend called, DH had not mentioned the "lost car" to me at all...in fact, when he got home from that game I remember saying "how was the game" and he said "Oh I saw so & so & so & so..."named off lots of old-retired friends he'd seen. Still, NEVER did I think "Alzheimer's". The PCP sent us for MRI & appt with neurologist. I will never forget that day in the neuro's office...he did some of the MMSE testing & right away I said "OMG!" he can's follow these directions! (Take paper in r.hand, fold in 1/2 & throw on floor). He took paper & threw on floor! :( There was more (the clock drawing, etc.) ~ Anyway, after just a bit of that, Dr. looked at me & said "I am concerned about the level of atrophy that this MRI shows and he probably has Alzheimer's"...I was dumb-founded! My eyes filled up with tears and I was just in shock. Looking back, my dh had a 'hearing problem' or so I thought. What was actually happening I think was he was unable to process what I was telling him...I can't even remember how long ago that was. I also took over the bills because of a late pmt and some math errors in our checkbook. But that was YEARS before this whole 2004 episode. The most "remembered" thing as far as dates goes was in April of 2002 when he mailed me an envelope while I was on a trip without him & it got returned (months later) because the address he put on the envelope was not the "entire address". The shock of Alzheimer's and the "OH NO" moment for me was so so shocking, I still cannot believe it, all these years later. In fact, we had watched TV all that week, BEFORE the neuro appt, as Reagan had died and was buried...I absolutely NEVER thought "oh, wonder if he has Alzheimer's"...it was NEVER a thought to me. I don't know what I thought...but as with most people before dealing with this first hand, Alzheimer's was unfamiliar to me except for the 'word' and that it involved 'memory of forgetting people'...He knew me and knew our family and knew so many things...he was a strong and liked man! And he loved me so much. My heart is still so so hurt...I don't realize it until I "go back" and think about how far we've come and where we've been. The day-to-day care-giving duties fill up so many hours, it's probably a good thing I don't have time to "go back" often. Very sad. Too sad.

I feel sad for all those thousands who need something like this but never find it.

I read that too,Weejun -thought it very surprising. You're probably right about women seeking help and support.

There are more men than women in my husband's dementia only ALF.

Kitty, have you made plans for your future? Are you going to go back to work at the Furniture Store? You seemed to have done very well there. Can you go a day pain free yet? I hope so. Nancy

It isn't so much not knowing the day or the week, and almost no one thinks you have dementia if you don't know the date. They ask the day, date, month and year questions early because some of them really are a dead give away.

Honest, most of us know which day of the week today is. We might have a problem with it once in a while, but not consistently. And if we are in a doctor's office we ALWAYS know which day it is or we wouldn't have gotten to the appointment.

Even if we aren't sure about the date of the month, we almost always know the range of dates. Beginning of the month? End of the month? Somewhere in the middle?

Don't tell me you don't know which month it is right now. Maybe we don't realize that the new month has started on the first, but outside of that, we know what month it is and what year it is. And again I'm not talking about the first week in January when we write the wrong year on the check. <grin>

The mini-mental acts as a screening test because even if we can't tell you 100-7 right off the top of our heads, we can work it out even if math was a problem for us all our lives. We can tell the doctor at least one answer to the question of "What kind of building is this?" We know who the president is, or who the Queen of England is if that is the appropriate question for the country we are living in.

But the day of the week and the year are the easy ones for any doctor to ask off the top of his head, and it makes perfect sense that getting the wrong answer or a do not know and especially a don't want to know answer makes them want a specialist to do an assessment.

Kitty,
If this situation with the bil continues to escalate, you may need a restraining order. Even if bil has memory issues of his own, if I recall correctly, he is trying to manipulate your husband and behind your back if possible. This cannot continue for your safety and financial security for you and your DH.