Tired of dealing with your DH lugnut? Exhausted by the constant questions? The mean stares and the grumpy disposition?
We've got the answer for you. Rent my wife. Take my wife. Please. And send me your husband. A cardboard box and some masking tape will do.
My wife loves everybody, doesn't do anything you tell her but says she's sorry a lot and watches TV all day right now. Any channel. Guaranteed. Everything's fine with her.
When we get your husband, we'll dress him up and enter him in the mega wrestling mania where 300 lb neanderthals with anger management issues will provide him with an impressive attitude adjustment guaranteed to penetrate him even if you send us a slab of granite. Let us do the asserting for you.
Or go for our exotic deprogramming progamme. Dressed up in shorts and a tie, he'll be entered into a cuisine cooking course with the ROLLERBALLS! That kookie group of dropouts from women's rollerderby that make marines look like wookies on esctacy overdoses will put him through his paces. He may not make souffles now but he'll be begging to after an introductory course through these fun gal's kitchen affectionately known as the meat locker.
Guaranteed results. We warrant he will make a sleeping cat look like megadeath for a minimum of six weeks and can provide an actor dressed up in a white coat like a doctor to tell you that if it helps make up your mind. Offer not valid if your husband is Ozzy Ozbourne or Keith Richards. Void in some states.
Just pour my wife back into the vase I sent her in and I will return your husband safely wrapped in duct tape. Also makes a great paperweight or for that decorative touch a floor length lamp.
"Pls unwap me."
Meanwhile the vase arrives and I pour her into the wingchair in front of the TV. "How was your trip?" "Fine."
(all in fun. no males were harmed in the making of this spoof)
If adjustment persists past six weeks place in front of a campfire and hand him a stick or for those really subborn cases give him the remote for the stereo, point at the telelvision, and tell him it's not working.
Wolf...sounds like you are bored and need some excitement in your life...I have just finished wrapping up my dw, and will call the UPS truck this afternoon. My dw has started an Alz care training camp, and she will teach you patience and endurance within a few hours...Have fun.. Glad to see your humor, because I am struggling to get mine back.
Mine is not suitable for the applications you have in mind, but if you are in need of a pleasant rambling lawn ornament, to break sticks in your front yard and smile harmlessly at the neighbors as they rake leaves, you can rent mine. When the autumn chores are done, you can tuck him onto the back of the lawn service trailer and they'll drop him off here. I guess I don't have too much to complain about in the context of things around here!
Anyone need a Paul Bunyon type? G can still use his limb saw (although I hid it) to clear any trees..wanted or unwanted, and he is a great bulldozer. He can fall over anything and clear the path leaving broken everything in his trail. The list of broken items is lengthy..cars, a truck, chairs, dishwasher, toilets, etc...you get the picture!Not too sure I would want anyone in trade, however.
omg this is what I needed today!!!!! funny funny funny!! Emily..your lawn ornament picture is hysterical! Wolf, you ALWAYS crack me up.
Trying to think of something clever for my DH, but all I can think of after last night is for him to join the cows in a field out grazing and pooping where they stand.
I'm of sound mind, (some would beg to differ) and fairly sound body, (I may beg to differ) but am willing to be shipped anywhere, just to get out of dodge. So if you'll accept C.O.D. I'm on my way!