Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday of the year and now just thinking about it makes me sad. Especially with my father (ALZ) gone and my Mom in a memory unit out of state. Now it just seems like it's more effort than it's worth. DH can barely sit still long enough to finish a meal due to his sundowning. I feel like a can of turkey chili would just be easier!
dog, since my husband is bedridden and my children, who all live out of state, are coming home for Christmas instead of Thanksgiving, I am NOT preparing the Thanksgiving dinner, and will be thankful for the 49 years of love we have had, our children, my health, my friends at home and at this wonderful website, my home, my job, and my country. My husband knows nothing of the days any more, much less the holidays or birthdays, so I'll celebrate in my heart and enjoy a couple of days off work!
It is sad that it has come to this, but it is my reality, and I've accepted it..."Flexibility" has become my mantra, and God has given me my strength to get this far, and hopefully I'll make it the rest of the way...Something else to be thankful for!
Like Mary I accepted the loss of my favorite of holidays with my husband. He was "gone" many years before he was truly gone. Two of my girls will be here for Thanksgiving and we will make it a time to be thankful for.
I also accepted the loss of my husband several years ago when he gradually became a "shell" of his former self. I am fortunate to have my 2 daughters and son home for Thanksgiving as always. This year we will be dining at my daughter's house. I have handed "down the reins" of Holiday dinners to my daughters the same as my Mom handed "down the reins" to me. We will remember husband and father with fond memories as always. We will not dwell on the past but look forward to the future and the changes life brings.
My plan was to take the 5 days respite I got from Hospice and go to our younger daughter's for Thanksgiving (she lives in Mass. - a 5 hour drive). Then hospice discharged my wife, so I don't get the respite. Our older daughter is coming here next weekend for a quick visit and will cook a Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday. Both daughters and their families will be here for Christmas, but we don't know yet about our son. He probably won't be able to make it.
Thanksgiving always has been and still is my favorite holiday of the year. It was always at my house, and I loved doing the cooking. Our last year in Massachusetts, the gathering had shrunk - due to deaths and people moving out of State - to just 7 of us. Once we moved to Florida, it was just 4 of us - Sid and I and my cousin and his wife. The next year, my cousins decided to go to their daughter in North Carolina, and Sid and I started a new tradition - going to my sister's in Chicago, and having our son fly from SF to Chicago to be with us. It was wonderful. We did it for 2 years in a row. Now that my father is in the ALF next door to me, and cannot travel, our son is flying here for Thanksgiving. It will just be the 4 of us, but I will be so happy to have my son with us.
I should add I have had a lot of heavy Thanksgiving Days..2 overseas in Okinawa far from family and NO way to call home from 1971-1973. Then being stationed in places where it was not possible to get away or having the duty..Christmas is the harder one for me and I have had several of those away from home and loved ones too because of military service. But nothing quite compares to the sense of loss when facing the holidays now with two kids living overseas or on the east coast and not being able to get there or for them to get here..and having a LO who does not have the same interest if there is interest at all in these formerly important family times..same goes for birthdays and anniversaries. I learned from my overseas Christmases that it will be what you make it. We can sit around now and groan or we can cowboy up and do something about it. My first Christmas in Okinawa was terrible. My mom said in a letter that we are so far apart this year "let's just skip it" so I did not mail the gifts home that I had for them..wish I had anyway..but saved them up for when I got home. I did go down to Ishikawa city and bought a tiny little Christmas tree that I still have all these years later. But the next year I decided things would be different. I was CO of a Woman Marine Company. I put the word out that on Christmas Eve, we would be holding a party in the barracks, the women were free to invite their OIC or a boyfriend if they like but this was a command performance and they will attend. There was a lot of moaning and groaning that " the CO was cutting into their liberty time"..What they never knew was that out of my own paltry pay, I made sure each one had a gift...AS everyone was mingling around and itching to get out, the siren sounded and down the hill came the fire truck..no it was not a brig break, and no there was no fire...it was the Battalion Commander, a full Colonel ( I asked him to be) Dressed as Santa with you guessed it a bag of goodies! There were squeals of delight when Santa came in lugging his bag. Each one of the Women Marines had a visit with Santa and each one got a pressie..and everyone had fun, no one more than the Bn CO himself! Then years later, one of the gals that was in my company found where I was living and wrote a note to me saying she was sure I would not remember her but she would never forget the best Christmas she ever had....the one I cooked up in Okinawa..and that all the women loved it and talked about if for a long time after.... So we have a lot of doom and gloom around us on a daily basis..but if we put our mind to it and get over not wanting to put up the decorations, we just might make our LO smile and ourselves in the bargain..so we will do something for T'Giving even if it is just dressing up the TV dinner trays with a fancy cloth and the good silver for a change.. I am going to give it a whirl...
Yes, it does make me sad. The last couple of years we've gone to our nephew's house, about an hour's drive from here. DH's brother (and his wife) and sister (and her husband) and most of their children and grandchildren are usually there. My husband is refusing to go this year, because he has strong political disagreements with most of his family. He's gotten thoroughly obsessed with politics during the past election, going so far as to call his brother and tell him how to vote. When the brother said he wasn't going to vote the way DH said, DH hung up on him. I know I could insist on going, but it doesn't seem worth it. So it will be DH, my sister, and me. I haven't decided if I'm cooking or not.
Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday also and this year we will be at my daughter’s mother-in-law’s. What makes me sad about the holiday now is that my DW says “I can do it”, but of course, she cannot. Today is my wife’s 64 birthday, we met 48 years ago, one week after her 16 birthday. Today I’ve just tried to make it a wonderful day for her. She has already forgotten all we did today, but I know she did have a wonderful day.
Ya know, holidays have always been so sad for me, and stressfull over the last three years in particular. BUT, this year, I am informed that my youngest daughter will be coming to my house on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving with her boyfriend, her 10 yr old daughter that was adopted by a wonderful couple, as well as my granddaughters adopted little brother (Chinese, here in the U.S. for the past two years). Yes, I have a complicated family. Go ahead...ask! I'm cooking already. I have a turkey and a country ham in the freezer. Getting food and goodies and cooking, preparing for THE FEAST!......taking inventory of all the kid toys I still have around here. Ari told me that the kids are already asking if they're "going to the farm"!!!!! Going to bring someone's dead-broke pony over here to use for a few days!! I don't have anything suitable. Theyn also want to make "Granny Jenny's special cookies (Morovian Sand Tarts and Shortbreads). YaHoo! Yes, unless they cancell out at the last minute, I'll have one more reallty memoral holiday! FINALLY! mmmmm. My house already smells sooooo good.
Jerry, I know you made your wife's birthday special, and even if she doesn't remember it, you will...and that is what counts. It was special for both of you!
Stunt Girl-I am coming to your house to eat! Yummy!
I have to get over feeling sorry for myself. I will work on it. It's my anniversary and birthday the same week it so used to be kind of special. Did ok last year but I am just tired I guess this year.
Mimi, Thanks for sharing that marvelous story. It made me smile! Thankfully (no pun intended!) we started a new family tradition a few years ago. HD & I have Thanksgiving dinner around noon with our 2 daughters & their kids & we hang around for a while & then we get in our van & drive to our sons house (on the Ohio side of Parkersburg WV) & we spend the rest of the weekend with them. Our sone makes a wonderful Thanksgiving meal on Saturday evening for us & invites some of his wifes relatives. This year it will be really special because I am going to have lunch with our very own lmohr (Lois)! She lives close to Parkersburg & we plan to meet for lunch the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Will have a big family Thanksgiving as we do every year. About 30 of us and we rent the fire hall behind my home as I don't have room for everyone. Everyone brings part of the meal and we have a great time. Elaine, I hope you and lmohr have a great lunch. lmohr is the only one who lives close enough for me to even think about meeting sometime, but it will have to wait until spring. I am leery of driving this time of year for fear the weather turns bad.
Just another day for us. As a child holidays were stressful and nothing has changed. When the kids were growing up for a while we had OK holidays but it seemed they were never happy with their gifts at Christmas. When they got to their teen years one or both tried to sabotage them. I will maybe cook a small turkey and make stuffing (basic bread which is the only kind we like) and make a custard pie (only hb likes it). As I said last year - I would love to go from Sept 30 to Jan 2.
We have a very small family locally and received one invitation that won't work because it is far away and there are too many people attending--my husband will want to leave very quickly. So I am hoping that the home health agency I use can find someone who wants to work the holiday (they usually do) and I will ask that person to make us dinner. At least that way I will have that day off from cooking duties!
We will probably eat out for Thanksgiving which we have done for the past 3 or 4 years. I do cook Christmas dinner and New Year's. DH has to have Pork and saurkraut on New Year's day. I am getting a bit fed up cooking meals every day!
Pork and sauerkraut, hot dogs and mashed potatoes every New Year's day also. Going to my sisters for Thanksgiving and I will have them over for Christmas. Don't know about my son and his family. They are the only ones close by. But they do not come over to visit and I am getting to the point that I am tired of giving them a free meal and getting nothing in return. No visits, no phone calls, no how is dad doing, no meals out with them. I know that sound bad, but my days of giving to everyone and getting nothing in return are over.
To have a successful New Year you have to have dried peas cooked with hog jowls Add some sweet potatoes, turnip greens and Mexican cornbread. It's the Southern way. This year it will probably be hot dogs and sauerkraut. If I cook from scratch he doesn't eat it but put a frozen dinner in the microwave and he will eat it.
New Year's Day would not be complete without a baked ham, blackeyed peas and collard greens. The blackeyed peas bring luck..and the collard greens bring "green backs or $$$$" I love collard greens, and wonder why I do not cook them more often. They are "holiday food" I suppose, same as Turkey & Dressing.
I find that odd. I subscribe to Southern Living Magazine, Traditional Home, Bon Appetite, and they always have recipes for these foods for this time of the year. Perhaps Collard Greens would be unusual for people from the North, but the idea is to have a large green leafy vegetable that would represent a "green back" or dollar bill.
My German mother in law would prepare all those foods on New Year's Day but in addition, she insisted everyone eat Herring..which was a tradition from her old country. She bought herring in a large jar, packed in sour cream...She cut the strips of fish into cube sized bits, add red onion and diced apples. I thought I'd die the first time I had to take a big bite, but over the years, I grew to like it. Not LOVE it, but I liked it well enough. I suppose many of our traditions are culturally based - traditions from the land of our ancestors.
Nancy-It took 56 years of me pushing slippery herring around on a plate before I actually bit into it last month. I did it in honor of my Mom. My sister moved her to a memory unit near her recently, when DH's dementia took a nose dive. It's always been my daughter and Mom's favorite "pig-out" food! Particularly at the holidays. Yummy!?!?l!?!?
The herring is a favorite here in Holland but I do not eat it. Thanksgiving is not celebrated here although of course everybody knows about the American tradition from movies and TV. My American friend here in the village usually has a coffee morning to which all the ENglish-speaking ladies in town are invited, and she serves pumpkin pie. Looking forward to Christmas. Just got firm permission for dh to stay in the respite care facility again while I travel to the family celebration; I'll be flying with my son and his family on the 22nd, having Christmas dinner with my Mom and nearby family (she'll have a turkey and we will cook it together) and then on to the big gettogether in Lakeside (on Lake Erie) on the 27-29. Last year dh was with me, but had no idea what was going on. It was all pretty much for him. I haven't informed the whole family yet of my decision to come alone, but I think they will be supportive because they saw what we went through last year.