We are currently, and for the next 2 nights, in an inn in Flagstaff AZ. On the bathroom door, there is a wide full-length mirror. Jeff cannot, unless he is at absolute peak function, walk into that bathroom without my help, because he always stops in confusion at the mirror, even if the door is open. He still sees it and can't proceed.
This is sort of new. I've noticed similar issues with mirrors in other settings recently. On the train, our bedroom compartment had a full-length mirror on one wall, and more than once he attempted to talk to the guy he saw there. (himself,) before I'd say, "no, that's a mirror."
Do a search on 'mirror' in this forum. There have been several discussions. My wife liked the 'lady in the mirror' and often had long talks with her, laughing and joking. This sometimes gave me a mini-respite to get some things done. Others had problems with mirrors because the guy in the mirror was a threat or argumentative. How your LO reacts to mirrors, at a point in time, determines if you need to cover them or not. And like all things AD, just because it works today is not garuantee that it will work tomorrow, or even 10 minutes from now.
I have caught my husband having a quiet, earnest conversations with his reflection in a mirror, but most of the time he just stays something like "How are you doing?", a greeting you would give someone who looks familiar but you don't really recognize. I agree with the above posts that unless it is upsetting to him, there's no need to do anything about it. The weirdest time was when I saw him put his electric shaver up to the reflection, rather than his own face. Just shows how much his brain is struggling.
I can imagine Jeff doing that Marilyn...with the razor. I think what happens is that the mirror is so large that he perceives it as a direction or space he could move toward...but not quite. The result being that when he encounters it, he kind of hangs, like a crashed hard drive.
Well. mirrors do provide optical illusions, even for those of us with healthy brains. They are frequently used in interiors to give an illusion of more space or light. I know that I've been fooled many times when in unfamiliar surroundings (hotels, restaurants) when a first you think there's another room, but realize it's a mirror because you see a reflection of something close to you in it. So it's not surprising the compromised brain has difficulties.
My husband loves talking to the person in the mirror. He has great conversations and loves to share a good laugh. We have his finger prints all over the full length one he prefers. Interestingly when I ask him to look at himself, to show him how great something looks on him he cannot see it. He has never shown any upset so I make no comments but I notice he stops talking when I walk by.
Mirrors are our enemy. When I covered his huge bathroom mirror he moved out to mine to brush his teeth. Of course there is carpet on the floor and he was dripping tooth paste all over the floor. He was constantly lifting the mirror cover to carry on his many conversations with "the man". He ask me to remove the covering. Now, he leaves the water running for his friend and puts toothpaste on his brush and tries to give it to him leaving paste all over the mirror. They have business confirmations and do paper work when they are friendly. Then there are the angry conversations and the fact that my taking a shower can cause problems because he is watching me. He also sees his reflection in the storm door at night and thinks someone is standing at the door and of course they are not friends. He is beginning to think the people on TV are in our living room and he has been known to talk back to them. Oh, the joys of this journey that none of us wanted to take.
Good advice, as always. I finally covered the mirror on the door with a big towel. We're leaving tomorrow, but it might save me one incident. I learn new stuff all the time.
I guess I am use to 'talking to mirrors' with my grandkids. RV's are notorious for having a lot of mirrors and the little kids love it. My bed is always a mess cause they love to make faces and watch themselves. They love that they can sit at the table and watch the TV in the mirror. Of course, if hb starts doing it then that will be totally different. But at least I am use to hearing someone talking to themselves in the other room.
We just arrived in Florida for an 8 week stay. All of a sudden DH thinks there is a stranger in the bathroom mirrors who copies him and he doesn't like it one bit. If I stand next to him he says the stranger also has a wife. He keeps the doors to both bathrooms closed. I covered the mirror in one so he would use the toilet but he still needs a mirror to shave and comb his hair. He wants me to call someone to get "this guy" out of here. It's going to be a long 8 weeks. Like Bama the stranger will see me if I take a shower. He's also been talking to the TV and my magazines for some time.
Welcome to my world. The problem I have with the situation is that he is so disturbed and upset about it. None of the drugs he has tried help but make things much worse.
No mirror conversations yet, but last week I gave DH the phone to hear a message from his sister. He talked to the "voice" the entire call. I'm not sure he even heard any of her conversation.
Lately his reflection in the mirror has been upsetting my husband, so today I'm going to tape sheets up over the ones where he normally paces. (Our dining room has a mirrored wall--a little tricky.) I seem to recall that there is some kind of spray that will fog up mirrors temporarily. Has anyone used a method that worked well? I've already switched him to a bedroom with fewer mirrors and decided to also do that with a bathroom.
Marilyn, how about a curtain rod, or one of those tension rods, over the mirrored part of the wall, from which you could hang a sheet or decorative fabric?
Won't soap create a fog of sort on mirrors and windows? Seems like I vaguely remember (high school years) using soap when we would decorate downtown store windows before a big football game We'd fog up the window with a type of liquid soap..then use tempera paints to write "GO TEAM!" and the like on the windows.... You might try it. It would be easier to remove later if it worked.
Tried the covering over the bathroom mirror. He just lifted it up and carried on his conversations. He thinks we should cut a hole in the wall so he can get through. Some days the man is a friend and other days he is the enemy. Even his reflection in the storm door at night is a threat. One night he told me he owed the man money but he wouldn't take it. Here he is holding a twenty in his hand with tears in his eyes. So, tell me how do you explain it to him. Man... I must have a lot to say this day as I find myself posting away on this site and this one finger typing is slow. My friends might not want to call me because I would talk too much.
There's a film you can buy at Lowes or on-line (Harriet Carter, Miles Kimball) to put over mirrors or windows. It just clings to it and you can get different patterns. It's cheap and doesn't ruin the mirrors.
Bama--your husband must be smarter at this Alzheimer's stuff than mine! So far today, covering up the mirrors has worked great! He has paced right through the living and dining rooms over and over, not stopping to even fiddle with the sheets. (Of course, I'm an interior design junkie and it irritates me to see them, but I'll adjust). He does a circular lap on the first floor and occasionally goes into the family room where there's a built in bar with mirrors on three sides above it. Vickie, I'm going to check out that film because it might be a good solution for over the bar--hanging sheets in that alcove would be tricky. Thanks!
Bama, we had an encounter like this as well... he was seeing his reflection in the bedroom window. It was night time, he had the light on and it cast his reflection ... he came out just terrified!! Broke my heart to see my strong brave husband so afraid of his own reflection. I went and bought the cling films the very next day. It worked like a charm!
Marilyn, for me the easiest solution was to just take down all unnecessary mirrors. I put pictures of loved ones up instead. In the bathrooms I just covered them up with a curtain on a tension rod. Easy enough for me to open and close as I wanted to use them. Too difficult for him to figure out. I tried to cover them up with a towel, but that just seemed to draw his attention to them. The cling film works very well and they have some really attractive ones available. Best of luck in finding what works best for your DH ♥
Thanks, Nikki...Now, tell me how I can watch TV. I thought he would enjoy American Idol because he has always liked watching young people perform and he once upon a time liked music.
He doesn't like TV, doesn't like the shows you do, or he gets afraid, or confused by the people "in" the tv?
If it is that he doesn't like the same show as you, then I can help lol. I bought my own TV to watch what I like. He had the better, bigger one to watch his cartoons :) Worked like a charm!
I am thinking that he believes those people are here in the room and it confuses him. I did buy me a TV but he comes looking for me and wants me to come back. You can watch TV and it's the same old story. He is shaking his fist and telling them off. It's hard because I like to know what is going on out in the world. He does not want the TV on at all.
bama try sitting him in a chair or sofa that doesnt face the tv. you may need to reaarrange the room furniture but i found having DH on the couch facing oppostite the tv worked wonders. maybe some earphones and music he likes while you watch the tv - there are also wireless ear phones for you to watch tv with and you ;have no noise that would disturb him.
nikki its a nice surprise to see you posting! i know how you feel. i hear it from all ends with hospice that its a hard decision to treat or not. i am also of the belief if it can be cured with a pill i will give it unless there is sometime more sinister that would impede the effectiveness of medicating. and obviously we treat pain and for comfort. choices will become harder as time goes by. :( divvi
((Divvi))!! how eerie, I was just talking about you to my sister.... I was trying to find posts to see how you and your DH are? Update me please ♥ You and I have been on the same path for a long time now my friend, and our thinking always seems to mesh. I do believe the choices will become harder, I am just holding onto that I love him enough to do what is best for him... and that I have the strength... Right now, I live more in the moment, capturing as many new memories as I can ♥
Bama, ok, now I see the problem. Lynn was very content to watch his shows, the bonanza tune is forever burned in my mind lol. I had my TV in the same room, so he was content. He never did try to watch my shows too. But one thing I could not watch with him anywhere around was the news! This brought on a whole gamut of emotions from him.... I got use to reading the headlines online. Maybe that is something you can do? I really like Divvi's idea about the wireless headsets too, that could work :)
News is very problematic here too--DH is always thinking every disaster is right outside our front door! All the unrest in the Mideast, I keep explaining over and over it's another part of the world!
Don’t waste your breath dear Marilyn. He can't understand it, no matter how many times you try to explain it. To him it IS happening right there, it must be frightening... poor buggers. I found it much easier to not stress him and get my news in other ways.
Nikki, we are running parallell to you and your Lynn. i also have days that he looks so much better and i con myself into thinking hes not so bad:). even in midst of stage 7 he still also smiles and seems to know who i am. although DH is mostly bedridden at this point and losing muscle mass due to no exercise and the toll of the disease itself. like you i see him happy in ' his little world' and doesnt seem to be in distress so it gives me peace of mind. we find having them in presence even if not all in mind, helps us to live each day. i have had the 'talk' with the hospice drs and they tell me we will treat for pain and comfort. the issues will be aspiration pneumonia, like Sandi said in another post, drs tend to agree that once this starts it only delays the inevitable and progressively gets worse. so til then i am of mind to pill as needed. just this last 10days we are once again fighting uti demons and once again with meds hes bounced back. they do lose a bit each time they get so sick i do believe. we do tend to mesh on the facts that like you, i want my dear husband to live comfortably and happy as long as possible. his presences means too much to me even now, and it would be unbearable to have to make the life/death decisions i know may come at any time. but our love and caring will prevail even if that happens, we will somehow find strength to overcome our emotions and put their best interests first. like you i am hoping its not anytime soon. *** hugs to you. hope to see you dropping in when you can. divvi
Ahhhhh Divvi, so sorry to hear this. I was hoping your DH might not have progressed as fast as my Lynn.... He is also bedridden, but they do have this handy lounge type chair on wheels that he seems very comfy in. It does all sorts of neat things and it helps my mind at least to see him out of bed. I don't know if it helps, but I do PT and range of motions with Lynn daily. It helps me to think I am doing something, anything, to make sure he is as comfortable as he can be.
I am glad he seems happy, the smiles, they mean so much now. I will have to read more about the aspiration pneumonia... I am assuming this is caused by swallowing issues? I was told Lynn's was bacterial... but he does have some swallowing issues, in that he is on a complete pureed diet. It is so damn hard isn't it? ...... but yes, you said it perfectly!! "i want my dear husband to live comfortably and happy as long as possible. his presences means too much to me even now, and it would be unbearable to have to make the life/death decisions i know may come at any time."
if its bacterial then maybe its a sporadic infection which treating would seem feasible. the aspiration pneumonia would come from severe swallowing issues i do think. we arent there yet but maybe someone else has more info on the types of pneumonias. its the aspiration one that would be of significance and ongoing once it begins. it would be progressive and probably worsen over time even if treated. sigh.. not good but with swallowing issues that become prevalent in latter stages. i hope your lynn stays healthy now and rebounds wit meds. divvi
Bama, mirrors and reflections of any kind such as the car window, the pictures on the wall, the mircrowave and just about anything you can imagine that shows a shadow or reflection is a big big problem. I went to the barber ahead of him and told him to turn the chair away from the mirror so he could get a haircut. It's hard to stay a step ahead. All my mirrors are papered with wrapping paper so I can change the decor according to the season.
Update on my mirror/window problems: I went to Home Depot and looked at the cling sheets, but unless I get a very dark, heavily patterned one, I think there would still be a reflection. Tonight I finished putting up regular sheets and newspapers and intend to check out the paper window shades. Since our front door has big glass panels and there is a 48" x 72" window right next to it, I'd like something that will look relatively attractive from the outside. I think perhaps the shades could be attached to the ceiling and used over the mirrored wall as well.
BTW, the day I put most of the sheets up, my husband kept telling the aide "the man is dead". She couldn't figure out what he meant until later on, and then realized he couldn't find his reflection because of the mirrors being covered. Now that I've covered the windows (which were only a problem at night), it will be interesting to see if his stress level decreases.
Divvi and Nikki - know how you feel. L. is bedridden, but he still smiles. Yesterday i took him his supper and he was laughing and playing with me (he likes to be tickled) and his sing-a-ling bear. I said you're having a good time, aren't you! And he said yes. I said are you happy and - big grin - he said yes. He can still feed himself. I'm phasing out the namenda, and he seems more alert.
But it's hard. Our estimable Andrew had a couple of run-ins with vodka which left him carless and kicked out of his mom's basement, about the same time that I've started running out of money to have him come in for the evening changing. So our daughter and I do it - which is not good for backs!
I think one of the hardest things we all have to face when we come here is HOW LONG IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON!
Putting paper window shades on all uncovered windows and sections of mirrored wall seems to be working. Also, cut them down to fit the glass inserts in dining room corner cabinets and took down all artwork with glass that was reflecting an image. Am keeping my fingers crossed!
bluedaze--if it works, it will be worth it. Last week I had contacted hb's neuro re change in meds to deal with hallucinations, was told his nurse would get back to me with behavioral interventions to try first. Haven't heard from her, so I decided to take matters into my own hands! I hope what I am dealing with was only reflections vs hallucinations.
Marilyn, I put my husband's pills in a little stainless steel container. When I handed it to him he saw his reflection in the bottom and got upset. You just never know where the next reflection will come from.
Lloyd used to love the guy in the mirror. He would smile and wave like crazy. He would get so excited. I just let him. Once in a while I would tell him he could not play with that guy because he would get Lloyd in trouble. He would just laugh. I miss that.
Living in an RV we have way too many mirrors - they put them in to make things feel bigger. In our bathroom area there is the mirror over the sink, mirrors on the two cupboard/closet doors behind, and one full length on the door going to where the toilet is. It however has the shower rug hanging on it. There are times I go home after work and find the rug moved, so evidently when I am not home he must be starting talking to himself in the mirror. Why he likes that one over the others I have no idea.
My DH also loves to talk to the man in the mirror, but only the one in his bathroom. Luckily, he has never been afraid of his reflection, although he did get rather belligerent once. I've learned so much from this discussion. I can now be on the alert in case this behavior escalates in any way. Thanks everyone!