Hi everyone, need some support tonight, tonight it is 1 yr since Bob passed away, I did fine all day, went to a powwow at Michigan Tech, to the cemetery across the street from there and put flowers on his resting place, didn`t cry all day, now this time of night is when I saw him just lying there after he passed on, now the crying and feelings are coming on strong i can`t see the screen on the computer to make sure I spelled everything right, I know I am doing much better but tonight is so overwelming, was going to stay over at daughters house and watch some tv but I got such a sick stomach had to come home, thank god I have you guys to talk to. Do I have to go through this every yr.? someone told me the second yr. is worse than the first, is this true? i have been doing alot of remembering the good things and now this, I feel like I`m starting out all over again with the greaving, God help me. Love you all. Gail
Maryhail, I have not expierenced this loss yet, but I understand how you are hurting. I am so sorry. A friend lost her AD husband 2 years ago and is just now getting some semblance of normal in her life. This to shall pass.
Marygail.....have a good cry and know that everyone is here with you. Real people who have been through the wringer in various ways over the years. You just can't SEE us through the computer monitor. Others will be along very soon, I know. Oh, how I've relied on all you guys, too. I didn't have the same feelings for my spouse that most of the others do (or did). But, I grieve John's loss in other ways. Most days I'm at peace knowing that his suffering is over and now his spirit and body have been made whole (my belief). Other days, I'm crying at loss of a love that SHOULD have been. Sometimes so angry at him, the disease, the bag of worries and can of worms he left me holding.
I DID lose my beautiful son, Ger, when he was 21 in 1996. Have I gotten over THAT? Never. I have moments when it feels like it was yesterday. His loss is the hardest thing I ever had to accept in my life. All I know to say to you is this...No, you never get "over" the loss of someone you love. BUT, you DO get through it. True for each of us, in our own individual ways and time. I believe time will heal a lot of your pain. Guess some would say "don't dwell"....personally, I feel better after my "grieving times" when I allow myself. Love ya. E-mail always welcome if you feel like it. Have a good restful night (put on a movie, curl up with a toddy and a blankie...that helps, too). Jen.
Marygail, You are in my heart tonight. I'll keep you there for as long as you need. Everyone's grief is personal. Some people grieve longer than others. I find it takes me about 2 years to adjust to anyone's death that I am close too. I never get over losing someone. I learn to live with the loss. I have read that you grieve for the AD patient while they are alive so that you have done your grieving by the time they pass. You are proof this is not true. Since my DH is still alive I've got no idea how I will feel. I send you kisses and hugs and lots of love. When tomorrow arrives I think you may feel better so hang in there.
Marygail, good to hear from you but sorry you are having such a rough time. My present husband is still living (in a nursing home) but I can go back in my mind to many years ago when my first husband died. Like you the 1st anniversary pass uneventfully UNTIL the end of the day. Just when I thought I was home free, it hit me like a ton of bricks. With me, the first one was the worst even though I still feel some sadness on that day. It will get easier.
thank you all for your coments, it makes my heart swell with pride when people care , even though we can`t see each other it makes me love you as friends, again thanks I feel much better today, I wish I could take away all the pain most of us feel when our loved one pass, but I guess it is something we all have to go through, I know he is in a happy place and will someday see him again.
My thoughts are with you. It is almost 6 months ago that I lost Bill and time seems to bounce all over the place. Some days it seems like it was only yesterday and other times I can't remember doing the "couple" things.
so sorry marygail for your pain. i have heard from many that it takes about 2 yrs to start to be able to 'detach' and move forward without all the pain associated with the loss. i hope you find peace. and for everyone else who is passing thru the greiving stages-bluedaze i hope there are better days ahead too. divvi
Arms around you Marygail. I'm coming up on 8 months already. Mostly good days, good memories outweigh the bad. Keeping busy and trying to happily move on knowing that I did the best I could and that IS GOOD ENOUGH!
Something that soothes my soul when I need it and it gives me hope for the future. Takes me away from the misery of NOW....lyrics from "Not Now, But Soon" by Imogen Heap. I posted it on my FaceBook page.
Not now but soon, The most beautiful light Will wake us to pillow fighting excitement
not now but soon, Bright into Every corner, Satellites manoeuvre in beams of change,
Standing by the best days of our lives, Magnificent, the best days of our lives, Big bang boom, the best days of our lives They're coming right up IF WE CAN JUST GET THROUGH THIS ONE. Who said it was over? It's as good as it gets Well we've got a few tricks up our sleeves yet
If we swallow "it's all over" and open wide on these make-to-believe Sullen, chewed up, sodden soliloquies, Oh, we're sweet nothings anymore
Terrifying best, days of our lives We're hanging on the best days of our lives No two ways about it, best days of our lives They're coming right up,IF WE CAN JUST GET THROUGH THIS ONE. I'll hang on grab onto your feet Someone else holds tied to my shoelaces When their trouser leg tears, runs and stops at the seam to keep us dangled together Until help finds us here
Best days of our lives Better be the best days of our lives Bring on the best days of our lives Coming right up, woah Coming right up If we can just get through this one.